This story seems to start in an existing conversation. That’s because it actually does. This was my reply in a conversation over at Stella’s Place last April. One of our Treeper’s was talking about helping his dad downsize, and working with his sisters to clean out some old stuff. In that conversation, I told this really unusual story of an experience related to cleaning out my mother’s home.
I’m hoping some of you have some stories to relate, stories that end with a twist, like this one did. Sometimes life gives strange surprises.
Share a tale or two with us today.
T, my mother was a hoarder before it was a tv thing, and they are mostly probably amateurs. Don’t know, don’t watch. Boy have I got a funny, sad story for you, since Sharon put me in the mood for a good story.
This is one of the gosh darndest stories of my life. Apologies all, this is a long story.
My mother died in 1998, probably one of the peak periods of my life in terms of pressure, stress, kids still in high school, job, etc. She left a house that had a two to three foot wide path through it, with an empty spot or two on the couch, her chair, and less than half her king sized bed. No one had been able to see the kitchen table or counter for many years.
She also had four outbuildings that had to be cleaned out. My brother declared himself “unable to deal with it yet” and in the 4+ months it took to get it done, he remained unable to deal with anything but bringing his wife religiously every weekend to plunder what I’d uncovered that they wanted.
All my life I’d been super ashamed of how we lived, and I was even then. My two sons who were still at home would come help when they weren’t working. My husband did not get back from work until after 7:30 at night, so he was only able to help some on Sundays if I wasn’t at work then.
I was working at Home Depot and I was on the cusp of getting promoted from hourly department head to my first management position. Even though I could only work off days and mornings on the days I closed, I refused to accept help except from my husband and sons, and one of his sisters.
My mother would never tell me where any valuables were, and I couldn’t even find her important papers, which were not in the box at the bank. So, I could not just throw things out, especially papers, and she had all the usual hoarder magazines and newspapers from umpteen years ago, etc.
My sister in law and I found many, many things that made us go, huh? Bags of leaves in the closet, big green garage bags. In one storage building there were garbage bags full of paper towel pasteboard centers and empty milk jugs.
But the all time most baffling one was found in the built in wall hutch in the dining room of the old house. We opened the doors at the bottom, and the first thing I tried to remove was a smaller garbage bag. Only to find it didn’t budge, it was too heavy.
My sister in law had a real appreciation for antiques, and quite a bit of knowledge of them, and while I was miserable, she was ever hopeful of finding great treasure. She shoved me out of the way and began speculating what we might have found, even wondering if it might be a big chunk of gold.
So, I tore open the bag, only to find a big heavy thing wrapped in foil, tore off the foil, which was old and not tearing well. There were layers of paper towels. Our anticipation rose higher. Another layer of foil under paper towels, I’m not kidding, and one last layer of paper towels.
At that point, even I was excited. What could she have treasured that much to have so carefully wrapped and stored it?
Well, it was a big round, kind of flat on the bottom creek rock. I marched outside and tossed it off the porch into the grass and hedges.
Over the years I often wondered about that rock and why she kept it. She was a hoarder, but aside from whatever causes that, she wasn’t mentally ill. Of course, I resigned myself to never knowing. And this is where it gets really weird and interesting.
A few years later I was at work and heard my name being called. A new hire at the Depot introduced herself and explained that our mothers had been best friends. They’d met on a cruise ship, taken trips to Hawaii several times, and had lots of adventures here at home too. I became good friends with the daughter.
Eventually one day, years later when we were having dinner and talking about our moms, I told her and her partner the rock story. She got this really amazed look on her face and said “Menagerie, I can tell you why she had that rock.”
Every New Years the moms cooked black eyed peas and greens. I’m sure you know, it’s a Southern thang. They decided they wanted kraut. My Mama had tons of huge crocks. They made the best friend’s husband take them up Sand Mountain to a wide, shallow creek filled with big rocks.
Apparently they spent an hour or two making him wade and turn over rocks until he found one just the right size and kind of flat on the bottom. Perfect for mashing down the cabbage in the crock. And every year they had kraut on New Years.
My friend and I still laugh about it, and my sister in law was floored to finally have the mystery of Mama’s rock solved.
This conversation motivated me to find all the old photos and take a nice clear digital picture of each. Been so long since I’ve posted here I forgot my screen name lol.
I’ve got a few river rocks in my house.
If the SHTF just before I die, my kids will likely thank me for all the food & survival necessities, useful books, tools, knives, weapons, reloading equipment, ammo, and lots of barter-able items.
But if I die before that does happen, they will likely cuss me for leaving them such a mess to sort through.
What to do, what to do ? …
When my parents died, my siblings took everything of value without ever saying a word to me about it, and it wasn’t like I was out of state far away, I was very near, easy to get a hold of. They effectively wrote me out of my parent’s nonexistent will, even going against what we all knew our parents wanted – in the unwritten will.
It is good advise to have a will, or better, a living trust that clearly states who gets what, in order to keep family members from turning against each other. That kind of trouble would go against the will of any recently lost loved one.
I’ve got a lot of stuff to sort through & organize before my appointed time arrives. In the meantime, I could easily stay at my home for a year or two without ever leaving the property for food, water, or supplies — and that’s the survivalist in me that has led me to that.
I’d rather be remembered as a skilled survivalist rather than a hoarder, I’ve been called that a couple times and I really don’t like that handle. I keep useful & practical things. People who have nothing but empty space in their homes are going to be the first ones to succumb in a SHTF situation, and that’s fine if that’s what they want. The old “live off the land” idea is a fantasy. Animals will disappear quickly, desperate people will become murderers in order to get food. I figure I’ll have enough to hold me through long enough to give survival instruction to the kids who chose not to take that instruction when I offered it before it was clearly necessary. Bet they’ll listen then.
I warn people before they come over that my house looks like a hardware store after a tornado passed through. Freeze dried food takes up a lot of space – it is best kept in controlled climate; and so there is not that much space to put things away properly. It can be very repulsive to orderly women and unmanly men. I do hope to get things in better order before I exit this corrupt world.
Mom & dad both lived through the depression, that’s where I learned to keep things that might come in handy later. But they were not hoarders, just wise from the experience.
Family peace is always the best choice.
God Bless.
Recently went through having an elderly friend, just widowed & with mild dementia and no family, to sell and move. They weren’t hoarders but she depended on her husband to deal with household financial matters. Well, guess what? We could not find any records of his usernames or passwords for his email or banking or anything. I spent 4 hours a day for 3 weeks trying to get access to everything. Eventually I did and stopped autopay and getting refunds.
So please, in this digital age, leave a letter saying what bank accounts you have, if a safety deposit box key location, credit cards, autopay accounts, etc, along with usernames and passwords. Even if you have a will. This letter can be left with the will for the executer of the estate, or a trusted friend or family member.
Yes, very important to make it less stressful for those left to deal with the transition. I’ve left a letter for my best & brightest daughter who I made executor to take care of things. I mentioned to stop all the autopays. Also showed her where my $tash is hidden, computer passwords, and printed out all account information & passwords that she will need. She’s already set up at the banks to take over my bank accounts when I die. She will see that things are divided up fairly between family members.
She knows I just want a cheap pine box and no funeral home expenses. But now I’m thinking cremation might be the cheapest way to go, plus they can do something fun with my ashes – like paddle a river to a remote location to scatter my ashes (never could get them to go kayaking with me any other way 😉
Make sure everyone in the will has a copy and knows what’s going down when you pass. Then it won’t be such a mess when you’re gone. Even with a will, there will be people who won’t understand why things are the way they are or will accuse one person of cheating the other. Sit everyone down with your lawyer and go over it. Might help you make adjustments if necessary. Never keep your estate planning and funeral plans a secret to all except a chosen one. That chosen one will usually get an earful from others who feel they cheated the deceased. I’m thinking of my uncle and his wife when my grandparents died. There’s always that one person…. Ugh.
My Dad died in December of 2022 at age 97. He outlived most people of his generation that he knew, including my mother (45 year marriage) and his second wife (20 year marriage). Both Dad’s wives suffered from dementia as they neared the end. One of the things I really admired about my Dad was the way he handled his “duty” to help both his wives, love them to the end, and never wallow in self-pity or the sadness of his situation. After each wife’s death, he also bounced back after a very brief period of crying and true loss and sadness. He said, “What good does it do to live in sadness and what-ifs?”. “Better to move on and enjoy the next part of life”. And he did ..,
My Dad had a living will and I naively thought it covered everything that I would encounter as executor. It didn’t. I should have had an estate attorney review Dad’s paperwork before he died, when he still had the ability to make legal changes easily. After death, although many documents clearly showed Dad wanted me to handle his affairs as executor of his estate, I had problems, especially with large stock brokerage companies and banks, proving I was legitimate and getting them to release Dads money so I could distribute it as he wanted. Just an FYI to others, take the time to review all your parent’s paperwork before they pass away. No one wants to do that, it’s natural I think to procrastinate on that, but you will save yourself 5 to 10 times the hours involved in executing the estate if you will do that. I wish someone had given me that advice.
I have a password protected excel spreadsheet with all that stuff in it. I also use LastPass for password management, and I have that mostly sorted with helpful descriptions of what each account was for.
Digital account management for estates is thing. If you keep yourself organized it should not be difficult for whoever manages your estate to come in behind you and turn things off or cancel them.
At 72, currently working on the book of records entitled, “ I”m dead so now what?” We don’t have a lot. But the kids will be able to find what we do have. There may be a little of the heavy stuff your family was searching for. Buckle up for the year to come fellow Treepers.
Getting comfort from another book entitled, “Resiliance” by John Eldridge. Recommend to all.
Love John Eldridge…
if you are not familiar with the author, invest the time. The return on investment is high
Your children will thank you for doing that. My Father-in-law suddenly passed away last year, my Mother-in-law the year before that, so my husband and I have been trying to clean out the house and handle the estate. Finding documents has been so time consuming and because we live in FL and my inlaws lived in PA, it’s a lot of flying back and forth. Having everything written down is a really great idea.
I know how you feel, my parents also grew up during the depression and saved just about everything that could possibly be reused. My mom even kept the rubber bands that were on the small town newspaper. Open any closet door and the knob had them on it. They had been there so long they fell apart if you touched them. My grandfather was a blacksmith and made most of his own tools and my father could build just about anything. Moral of the story- I and my two brothers are also builders, fixers and preppers. History is repeating itself and some of us were lucky enough to have parents who taught us the basics of life and how to continue living during hard times.
That’s the kind of people I have always felt the most comfortable around. And I always appreciated the stories & knowledge they had to share. My great grandfather was also a blacksmith. I found one of his thread taps where his shop used to be, and that is a great treasure to me.
My dad use to make us little toy “tractors” that were self-propelled, made by running a rubber band through the hole in a wooden thread spool and held in place by sticks on the sides and lubricated with bar soap so they wouldn’t bind up. You would wind up the rubberband, set it on a smooth surface and let it go. He showed me how him & his brothers would make bootlaces by cutting in a circular pattern from an old wore out boot or shoe a piece of leather of uniform width suitable for lacing up footwear.
They also walked the railroad tracks during the depression to pick up pieces of coal that had fallen from the train to help heat the house in the winter.
There is a wealth of knowledge among the old people who have lived through it all.
You’d be a good neighbor to have.
I love your story. Blessings.
Thank you so much, and Blessings to you also.
I have done clean outs for my parents and in-laws after they passed away. My mother in law was a “collector” of a variety of things such as Grandfather and wall clocks. If I remember correctly she had 40 some. Crystal perfume bottles, stemware, candlesticks. She was convinced it all was worth a lot of money. Barely covered the price for the auctioneer and other costs to close on the property. Now that it is just me left, I am making a strong effort to get rid of the clutter of 40 plus years in the same house and barn and raising 4 children and many many pets and livestock. The 2 area that have me stymied are the shop in our barn full of tools and gadgets that I dont understand what they do and what their value is and 2 large plastic storage containers full of family photos from my parents and in laws homes. Hundreds of black and white snapshots of people I never met, dont know who they are. I am embarrassed to admit I really do not care. However I feel horrible at the thought of just throwing them out. My kids are not interested in them either. I have a feeling the boxes are going to stay in my barn for them to deal with. Maybe by then someone will be interested.
I had the same situation with my deceased spouse. Being a second marriage for both of us, he has a plastic carrier tub full for photos, cards, and other stuff. I asked his sons to take what they wanted and through the rest away. In fact, estate sale buyers bought a box or stuff and came back the next day because of his yearbooks. I had no use for them as we didn’t know each other in high school. I also through away a large black plastic bag of my mother’s family photos, with no identification on them. I didn’t know those people.
Now I have learned of something call Treasue Books of which people make books of old papers, cards, photos, fabric, lace, etc which the call “Ephemera.” Look thse up on Etsy. If one has the inclination all this stuff can be sold. Lots of crafters of Treasure or Art books want this kind of stuff. Sell it cheaply and should cover postage and all that stuff won’t go to waste.
Right NurseSusy – ‘random’ ephemera is very desirable in certain circles. So sad it was all thrown away!
Yearbooks are valuable to local libraries (if they don’t currently have that graduation year for its local high school). They keep them on their reference shelves. They are valuable for genealogy enthusiasts, who often wonder what their ancestors were like in high school. Genealogy is, supposedly, the #1 hobby in the USA. If you have your parents’ or grandparents’ yearbook, it’s fun to read what their friends wrote in them on the blank pages in the front and back.
Look on eBay for estate sales and they’re all the same. It’s sad, but it’s just junk – all of it.
Ephemera sells on Ebay (photos, postcards, etc). Call antique/resale shops and ask if they’re interested or know someone who is. Also local historical society may be interested or point you in a better direction. Good luck!
a hoarder couple my ex-GF & I lived next to had stacks of newspapers filling their house floor to ceiling
they also were suckers for Franklin Mint ads
randomly distributed between the newspapers were silver and gold medallions still in their unopened Franklin Mint envelopes
after the husband died and the wife went to memory care, it took F O R E V E R to go through the newspapers
it didn’t help that their windows had been blown out in a hurricane, drenching, moldering and solidifying the pillars of newspapers
when my stepfather died at the age of 82, I was amazed to discover that he had every cancelled check he had ever written going all the way back to age sixteen
also every love letter from every woman he ever dated (navy doctor with women in every port!)
In the hands of a clever writer, this could be the beginning of a great series of stories… The Navy Doctor of Love…
Dr. Love 💕 went to sea
after he joined the
Nay-yay- vee!🌊🌊🌊
one of his paramours was the daughter of the owner of coca-cola bottling in chile. the family was one of the wealthiest in the country.
the last letter from her read:
charles, I came back to the hotel to look f0r you by the pool, but your ship had already departed. I look forward to seeing you again next time.
stepdad told me she wanted to marry an american doctor in the worst kind of way, but she was too much of a control freak for his tastes. she told him he would be set up by her father in his own private medical practice if they were wed.
the other letters were equally intriguing. he led an amazing life.
Those old letters tell a story of a man’s life, or at least part of it; I would find it impossible to throw them away.
Not saying I would know what to do with them though.
😮
Can’t say even a fraction of the story (The first version ran 1100 pages, the condensed and more readable version ran 340) However in 1995 ,I wound up in a situation where it appeared that there might be very serious danger to more than one person I cared a great deal about. One quote in the novel was something like “I guess when three independent threats of murder only come in fourth on your stress list, you know you are having a bad week”. The amazing woman who is now my wife stood beside be, behind me, and at times in front of me to get me through that. She is my biggest blessing. But as I was prophesied at the time by someone else, “life will never be normal as long as you are with her. Absolutely, but then great is not normal is it?
Huh
Great story Menagerie. I really enjoyed it. Well written, not too long, not too short, great ending.
That is an awesome story!
Here’s mine!
Raised in kids homes in the UK, abused, and beaten. Ran away at 12 and slept in graveyards, begged for money, and searched bins, and delivered newspapers. Got a better job at 15 in a fish and chip shop, and finally could afford a place to live. An old Irish man, the house owner, told me if I could pay the rent, I could stay, and I did! Had to share a bathroom with 5 other renters.
One day when searching for clothes in a secondhand (thrift) shop, I found a big bent lump of brass for 50 pence. I used it to keep my kitchen door ajar to let steam and smells out.
Many years later the Internet arrives, and I meet my USA husband. I’d already worked my way to owning my own business. I sold everything to come here, and to be honest I would have left the UK anyway. I listed many household items on Ebay, and at that point my lump of brass was now holding the bathroom door open in a house that I owned.
I listed that lump of brass on Ebay. It had served me well. It fetched more than $17,000, and it wasn’t brass, it was bronze! A rare piece of art from the 50’s. I used the money with my other savings and am now in the land of the free. Mortgage free, debt free, and virtually self sufficient. Still wedded, and madly in love. God Bless America!
👏👏👏👏
I was a bystander, to my first husband’s family, clearing out his Mother’s home, when I was about 23.
He was the youngest sibling. He wanted nothing to do with any of it, especially since the out of state siblings wanted it all done after the funeral, before they left.
They called us after, to come get the portion, they allotted him. We walked in and there was a small pile, in the corner. I said nothing, as he was weeping a little, getting all of it into his two arms and we quietly left.
We got into the car and I said, ” Those selfish, ignorant a!@holes put everything your Mother ever made with her two hands into a pile, like garbage.”
That stuff they cared less about was beautiful embroidered pictures, one was even the ‘Our Father Prayer’, along with knitted blankets and crocheted doilies.
I had zero respect for all of my in-laws after that, and it sadly showed, till we divorced. My ex-husband had inherited the real gold his Mother possessed, a piece of herself.
I recently gave them to the daughter we lovingly shared together, on her 40th birthday.
She Lived 30 years Alone – Abandoned Home Of An Unfortunate American Lady – YouTube
☝️☝️bros of decay
Abandoned Victorian Mansion Completely Intact – Electricity Still Works! – YouTube
☝️☝️bros of decay
For a few years I have been following
this channel. It gave me a new perspective
on “stuff “.
The young man is very compassionate
when exploring abandoned places. Seeing
the abandoned items like photos and
family mementoes are always not only just
perplexing….but sad.
Each one of the places around
the world he explores is different.
As a result of watching the videos I
have become more and more of
a minimalist and only keep items
that I treasure the most and make
me smile.
I love having a clean and organized
house, and the less I have…the less
I have to clean 😂
I have one friend in
particular that it seems every
time I call her…she is cleaning.
Since her house looks like a
gift shop-it’s understandable 🤷♀️💁🤷♀️
She seems to be so busy cleaning
the “memories “ that she has.. that
she is no longer creating new memories.
I keep my thoughts to myself about
it and don’t say anything to her🤷♀️💁🤷♀️
Again, I find his channel extremely
interesting.
That sounds like a fascinating channel. I like that you describe the host as “compassionate.” That’s nice.
Yes, my Dad had a crock and a flat stone that he had saved for years that was just perfect for making kraut. Before he passed, he gave both to my sister in the hopes she would take up the tradition since she did have a garden. Nope. She put it on her front porch and used it as a flower pot. 🙄
Absolutely priceless the odd facts you learn after your parents pass on and old friends or cousins start to converse and share stories. You learn some unique things, some will make you laugh and others leave you scratching head asking why.
My aunt had a similar housing problem. Stacks and stacks and stacks of stuff. When she passed it took her kids months to go through. They had to be super diligent because in some random magazine in a large stack they found $5000 in $100 bills!
Yikes!
This post has motivated me to clean my house
Me as well!
I was born in the borough of Queens New York and blessed to be raised in a most warm and loving Italian American family, a family that survived the Great Depression and two World Wars. I would feel the warmth of their love and security my entire life. Their stories have become my stories; they remain in my heart today. It’s those stories I treasure most.
I can still envision my grandma Angie in her later years when I came to visit at the old house in Queens. She’d be thumbing her Rosary beads at the front window, and in her gravelly pitched voice, she would greet me ….’Oh Johnny! You’re the apple of my eye.’
Grandma Angie was ‘’the’’ storyteller. My mother, Celestina, came along in the early days of the roaring twenties. In the late afternoons or on warm spring and summer weekends following her birth, my grandmother said she would sometimes leave my mother alone in a carriage outside the old two family house, under a front window, always in view and within ear shot. When Celestina cried, and grandma could not get to her quick enough, she would yell for my grandfather loudly in her high pitched gravelly voice, “Carmine! Get the baby!”
My grandfather would come running to give my mother comfort. This routine would go on for a few months, however, not without incident. One summer day, my mother had been crying in her carriage in her usual place, in front of the house, but grandma was not within ear shot on this one particular day. However, it seemed from out of nowhere, there came her shrieking voice, “Carmine! Get the baby!” “Carmine! Get the baby!”
My grandpa, as usual, came in a hurry, but noticed the voice, which was screeching relentlessly, was, strangely, not coming from grandma. It was not a human voice. It was coming from across the street and inside the neighbors screened in front porch. The neighbors old parrot, who’s cage was hung in the porch, heard my mother crying. The old bird had cracked the air with grandma’s duty call, “Carmine! Get the baby!””Carmine get the baby!”
Hilarious!
My mother kept the house immaculate, however the basement was my father’s domain. there was a 25-foot square that was 4 feet high with broken skill saws and boxes of just about everything with a 2-foot wide walkway up one side to the cutoff saw, then 90 degrees to the shelves.
When I cleaned it out the one thing I kept running into was flat can lids as cut with a can opener. Every time I went to clean a new area or shelf, I would find at least one to three stacks of 8-10, as they were brought down from the kitchen.
My father was a tool and die maker in his youth and he had a saying = “You can never have too many shims”.
3,000 was just about the right number for him.
My father and grandfather where both machinists, tool and die for a local steel mill, this story brought back some old memories…thank you 🖖🏻
saddened by the comments on the elderly with disinterested family, but it happens.
brutal question : if no one wants the stuff, what SHOULD be done with it?
done three clean outs by myself
(after the money grubbing, toxic sister looted the estates of anything with monetary value.
a previous poster mentioned a similar sibling, but i bet my sister could give your sister lessons….😂)
had long ago noticed one particular family member (now passed) held the attitude that if something had so much as been touched by them, it was immeasurably valuable and practically museum worthy.
uh, no.
there are things with intrinsic value certainly, but holding on to every item makes you a custodian, or an inventory clerk, and is that supposed to be in perpetuity?
would someone who actually loved you want to tie you down with that?
people are funny about their stuff, and everyone has to make their own choices, of course.
respect the person’s wishes while living, even if difficult.
if you are doing a clean out, sell what you can, then DONATE – churches, goodwill, salvation army, school rummage sales, thrift shops, etc.
lots of the aforementioned will come and pick up for free.
but call the “got junk” people before you allow yourself to be crushed underneath somebody else’s mountain of stuff before you’ve even gotten a handle on your own.
the hardest thing i did was sell my dad’s WWII flight deck officer well worn original ray ban aviators with original leather case, and some other militaria.
i didn’t want to risk someone not knowing what they were if i were suddenly hit by a bus,
and it pleased me mightily that they would be in the hands of collectors who will cherish those items for generations.
his service photograph stays with me.
and on the hoarder issue – one of the toughest, most infuriating problems for family to deal with –
have firsthand experience with a 4 out of 5 level hoarder (mercifully, no rotting food waste.)
condolences to all dealing with that.
in and of itself, a mental illness, not a housekeeping problem.
best explanation i have seen is that it functions as a protective layer against something that the hoarder is unable, incapable, or totally unwilling to deal with.
unfortunately, help is only sporadically effective –
telling someone not to be afraid of something is never going to remove the fear.
cleaning the area is a short term remedy, although often needed
for basic sanitation.
takes dedicated de-conditioning to make any progress at all,
but not uncommon for hoarders to be highly resistant to intervention.
bottom line, family can seldom “fix it”, but they can work relentlessly to break the pattern in their own lives.
doing THAT is a successful resolution.
I did the same regarding an item…
I donated it to a museum where it
will remain preserved and the public
can enjoy it.👏👏
My father had put it in my care for
many years.
Before he passed away I asked him
what I should do with it since I
was positive that no sibling would
be able to resist the impulse to
sell it …and the fights between them
to just be in possession of it…..💥
It was one of his suggestions that I
could donate it to a museum.🤷♀️
When downsizing that is
exactly what I did. And I informed the
museum that any credit for the donation
was to be in his name.
It was years later that one
of my siblings mentioned it when
we were talking on the phone and I
informed them it was in a museum.
I could feel the rage over the phone.😡😡
I just calmly explained that it was
Dads suggestion 🤷♀️💁 and left it
at that.
The word of what I had done
spread quickly to my other
siblings.
I believe by their reactions I
made the right decision.
“best explanation i have seen is that it functions as a protective layer against something that the hoarder is unable, incapable, or totally unwilling to deal with.”
Yes, it seems like hoarders have been deeply hurt sometime in their life, and they take great comfort in their stuff.
My mother still lives in her home but some years ago my parents emptied the house to do some renovations. The foundation walls developed cracks and so they had it corrected and also repiped the plumbing.
My father did not have a hobby. He was a professor for fifty years and worked into his eighties. He grew up in the depression and WWII and also saved too many things- including rocks.
My parents had, I’m guessing, upwards of two thousand books in the house. A man who was carrying boxes and boxes of books to the garage so the renovations could be done asked my mother, What did he have all them books for- didn’t he have a TV?
Most of those books are now in my basement and I’ve been going through them as I find time- I could not just unload them without sorting through them.
So many why’s and what if’s happen along on anyone close departs. Why didn’t I pay more attention, why didn’t I listen more and what if I had taken more foto’s, now I can’t, what if I had visited more. All we are left with are the memories. Pay attention while we have the ability.
Amen to that!
This coming Tuesday is the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing. My brother was also not “able” to help in emptying mom’s home and ibwas glad for it. It kept me busy through the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure and it allowed me to make sure all of mom’s things were respected.
She also kept all kinds of stuff tucked away on all the nooks and crannies of her house. Most of it was art supplies. My mom was a painter, worked with porcelain, stained glass, had a green thumb, was pretty handy. The hardest part was finding homes for all of the stuff my mother used in her craft. It was more than a hobby. My mom sold plenty of paintings and works and I wanted thebtools of her craft to go to someone who would value them as my mom did.
I look around my house now and see some of my mom’s things and it takes me back to when I was a child and watched her paint.
This story hit pretty close to home. I found a couple of envelopes with paper napkins shipped from Germany. My brother and I were puzzled as we didn’t know why my mom ordered 6 paper napkins from the other side of the world. It wasn’t for a couple of weeks until I found some pottery that my mom was decoupageing that I saw the familiar napkins. Mystery solved.
Love you mom! We miss you.
I have heard that those who lived through the Great Depression tended to be hoarders. My father was a child during the depression and told me that they recycled almost everything. Accordingly, they would hang onto things that you or I would throw away- scrap metal, aluminum foil, jars and lids, cardboard boxes, etc, etc. It make sense that such behavior would foster a hoarding instinct.
For some reason God continually brings hoarders into my life, and for some other reason it seems cleaning their house — sometimes only one room at a time, sometimes the entire shebang — becomes my mission.
I have known a LOT of hoarders, people who would never allow anyone else into their home, would, after getting to know me even a little bit, let me into their very private sanctuaries of stuff stacked to the ceiling and narrow passageways going here and there.
Never would I ever criticize them or their home, or agree with them when they would say negative things about themselves; I always know there is good even in a house packed with what would look like garbage to others.
So over and over again I meet people, and over and over again I volunteer to help them in any way I can to lessen their burden.
I’ve cleaned out entire 3 story houses that were packed (PACKED) with stuff, I’ve cleaned huge houses that were packed with stuff and stunk.
One family was two weeks away from renting a dumpster and throwing all of mom’s stuff away (while mom was still alive!), when a mutual friend told me what was about to happen. All the adult children wanted nothing to do with mom’s hoard, so spending money to haul everything to the dump was the easiest thing for them to do.
Their mom had no money, and they needed to empty the house out so it could be cleaned and sold so mom could be put in a nursing home.
That’s when I met Jan, an 85 year old woman who did not want to move and did not want any of her stuff sold. She wanted to go through everything one more time to decide whether to keep or sell, which would have taken years. After I was introduced by our mutual friend (who knows I’d never hurt a soul), and after I spent time with Jan letting her know what I’d like to do, she talked to her kids and they said, ‘OK’ to me cleaning the house and holding a sale for Jan.
Before I started working at the house the kids went there for a weekend to “help” me clean. I had asked them not to throw anything away, since one person’s junk may literally be another’s treasure, but after their weekend at Jan’s house they’d filled the single car garage half-way up the walls full of big black trash bags. So for the first full week of my working there all I did was empty the trash bags and resort.
I made 6 runs to the recycling center with the back of my empty minivan full of old newspapers and magazines. In those papers I found close to $100 in cash, over $50 in U.S. postage stamps, and 8 unused, still good gift cards of various amounts. One trash bag was full of nothing but very cute vintage aprons. ???? Why would anyone throw those away?!
When the garage was done I went into the house and started there, first thing was hiring a plumber to unplug the basement drain and let the damp, stinky basement dry out. Then I scrubbed the entire basement floor on my hands and knees to make sure it was clean, then I started on the stuff.
First sale was done on Craig’s List. I scrubbed out a chest freezer everyone thought was dead only to find it looked lovely when clean and worked like a champ. The first person who saw it bought it for the $150 cash I was asking. When I brought the cash to Jan she just starred at it; she said she had never held that much money before.
My heart broke hearing her say that, but I hoped Jan would soon be saying it a lot more.
One of the things that had been hoarded in Jan’s house was slides and slide carousels. Her dad had been an avid photographer, as was her older brother, and she ended up with all their slides, and all their negatives. Jan and her kids wanted the huge pile of boxed carousels thrown out before the sale started, but I said ‘No,’ and put a sign by the stack of carousels saying $5 per box.
On the first day of the sale one of the first buyers was a man who asked if I’d be willing to go lower on the carousels if he bought the entire lot, which, if purchased at one time would have been close to $800. I asked what price he was thinking for the lot, and when I brought Jan the $500 cash the man paid she was shocked.
At the end of the sale Jan had made over $8,000, her house was totally clean and empty, it sold a few weeks later, and she moved into a lovely assisted living building 150 miles away, but closer to her kids.
And like with most of the people whom God brings my way to serve, we stayed connected via phone for a few weeks, and then, just like it should be, went our separate ways.
But each time I have a sale like that I find one small thing that reminds me of the person and ask if I can have it.
There is a little piece of lucite on a shelf in our kitchen, carved with a winter scene. It reminds me of Jan. Above it on the wall hangs a small clock that plays part of a Christmas carol on the hour during daylight hours, that reminds me of Dale. Throughout our house are little pieces of friends I hope and pray are doing well, and think fondly of our time together.
You are special Raven – what a gift you are and were to the people you’ve helped!
Everybody’s life has reasons it’s been lived the way they’ve lived it. They might not to be able to define those reasons for you, or likely even for themselves -but God knows.
You are a gift from God to these people, who never asked to live that way. Most likely many have lived with guilt and shame for many of the years they were weighed down with all this ‘stuff’.
It seems many people see and feel their own lives are lived the ‘right’ way, in comparison to what they encounter of others. But because someone lives differently, or has problems in some way, does not mean their life is lesser in some way. No matter how they live or have lived, it counts just as much as anyone elses.
The truth is, no one is better than anyone else. I think it’s so great that as you helped them, you treated them as the whole and worthy person they are in God’s eyes.
Especially at these difficult times of downsizing and loss in their lives, I’m sure that was a precious gift and a treasure for them to experience.
Thank you for being that blessing and giving of your time to them, Raven. You were definitely serving the Lord and doing God’s work.
Your words are amazing, Wanthetruth. So lovely and insightful concerning people, their struggles and their ultimate worth in the eyes of the Lord.
I pray they were all blessed by what God brought their way, and know for sure that He blessed me in the process.
Thank you, Wanthetruth, for your kind words.
Thank you for sharing this story, Raven.
God has given you a special gift and you used it as a blessing to others.
I pray that one day I meet somebody like you who can help me the way you did with Jan and others.
Part of the reason I accumulate “stuff” is because of the memories that are attached to them. I do know that my
children will not appreciate any of these things even if the memories are connected to them. A relative once said to me that there is no room for sentimentality. I was told that even photograph prints are considered “passé” because it is all on the computer. Besides, our children will not know the other people in the picture. It was suggested that I just throw away all the albums and photographs. Have not done so yet.
God bless!
I wouldn’t throw away the pictures. I imagine that someone would treasure them. People who assume that we’re going to always have computers aren’t paying attention to the way the governments of the world are steering things.
Bless you
Wonderful :). Hmm, Sand Mountain … Sand Mountain Alabama? Sweet!
Yes.
Different kind of funny story. My Father-in-Law was a hoarder. He’d hid the thrift store and buy worthless pictures for the picture frames that he planned on using someday. He pick up old furniture that he was going to repair. And his coup-de-grace was saving old nails, screws and nuts & bolts. He had the garage and Recreation room full of this junk.
My Mother-in-law finally got fed up and bought him round trip tickets to visit his brothers in Illinois. The return flight was for 4 weeks later. She got him on the plane and sent him. He then called me to come over and help with some “yard-work.” She had gotten a construction bin (the big walk in kind you see at construction sites). So when I arrived she said I want you to clean out the Rec room and garage. Everything goes. So I dug in and got to work. I was almost done with only a small section of the garage left to clean when I saw my FIL get out of a taxi at the end of the driveway. He’d come home a week early. The brown waste hit the rotary fan.
I bet most of you can guess what he did. Yep, he rescued everything from the bin and filled of the garage and rec room again.
Lolololol…..one of these days…Boom right to the Moon!!!?
Your poor mother in law. And you.
Sand Mountain? Would you be from Alabama?
No, but I’m not too far. I’m a Tennessee gal.
“Preserve your memories, the’re all that’s left you.” Simon and Garfunkel song “Bookends”
“… A time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence
A time of confidences
… Long ago it must be
I have a photograph
Preserve your memories
They’re all that’s left you…”
Not throwing away trash, such as a plastic bag full of milk jugs and/or other routine refuse is an illness. However, some lonely people tend to keep what they consider “memorabilia” from times past that had significant meaning for them, the people, places and things they have since lost, through death, abandonment, and even a loved one’s breech of trust.
I know this, as I have had all the above happen, and yet still remember or cling to, the past times of wonderful memories. Because they’re all that is left.
This reminds me of both halves of my “interesting” family. While helping my mom’s aunt clean out her hoarded house on her way to move into assisted living, I inquired of her (on video, no less) regarding an odd re-used jar containing a large amount of strange crystals. Turns out they were her gall stones, which she had saved post-removal.
My childhood remains haunted by sauerkraut. When I was about 5, we had good crop of cabbage, and dad decided not to let it go to waste. He had a big, heavy, 5 gallon glass bottle. It looked great filled with cabbage to ferment. He sealed it tight, and put it on the cement floor in the unfinished basement, next to the water heater, to ferment. Not that many days later, the smell started, odd but not traceable. A few days later and as the scent became worse, my mom discovered the kraut jar, cracked open and leaching into the concrete floor. She only seemed to forget about that incident a few years ago, when he topped it by running 14 lbs. of fresh horseradish through the blender and leaving it uncovered in the fridge for a week while she was out of town and unable to defend her kitchen.
Thanks to Menagerie for posting her story and Sundance for allowing this. So many people nowadays are having to deal with cleaning out a parent’s or other relative’s house these days.
It was two years ago this month my father passed away. I am still cleaning out the house, now my house. I am slowly making it my own. It has grown on me now that I have spent so many days and nights there. I am an only child, so there is no one to argue with or steal things. But there is also no one who might know something about the history to an object.
My father was a hoarder, though the top part of the house could be navigated easily enough. The huge basement was another story.
For the past three years of his life, I could not stay in the house. I was afraid for my health. I always wondered if my
mother’s strange pneumonia that she died of years before was due to whatever microbes there were on surfaces and in the air. I had cleaned for them a few times, but got really tire of it because they just let it go back to the way it was. They were very sedentary.
My aunt, his sister, begged me to stop going there due to how dirty it was. She also hoped it would shock my father into taking action on cleaning up.
But in order to really it clean it well, things needed to be gotten rid of. And he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t even let me get rid of my own stuff that was there. There was canned food still in the pantry from when my parents moved 20 years ago.
They collected many, many things they thought would be worth money- – Thomas Kinkade, Royal Daulton, Dept 56, porcelain dolls, Lenox, etc. I had several garage sales, an estate sale, took things to a consignment shop, made many runs to Goodwill, and probably have used up 6 boxes of contractor garbage bags. I still have a couple more Goodwill runs, consignment shop runs, and calls to make to Habitat for Humanity to get rid of the furniture I don’t want. I had a hauler come in the beginning for the furniture no one would want and all the televisions that no longer worked. Then the upstairs will be done and I can turn my attention to painting and refurnishing and move on to dealing with the basement. The basement has least been emptied out of trash, some collectibles, and garage sale items.
I did enjoy the garage sale and estate sale. It was a lot of work and slowed me down. People thought I was crazy and that I should just donate it all. But you never know what people will want. These things were important to my parent, on some level, I guess. The people who came were very nice and it was a joy to see them get genuinely excited about something. Then I didn’t feel so bad about all the things I took to Goodwill and the higher end resale shop in town that benefits hospice. I had tried to find homes for the items, after all.
I kept all the bills I got at the cash only sales and will buy something special for the house with them. I don’t know what. I just hope that when the day comes that I head out with the wad of cash to go shopping I find something that speaks to me and something that reminds me of my parents and that I think they would like in the house.
My father would give me a few thousand dollars every year for the past few years of his life out of the withdrawals he had to take from his IRA. I wish he would have used the money to pay for cleaning, removal of items, better furniture for himself, and to make the house to where people could stay and let me help him sort, sell, and donate things. I put this money aside. I used it to bury him and to take care of major neglected repair issues in the house and to have it cleaned because I knew there would be issues when he passed away accessing his money right away. I could not find the will he said he had and his estate had to go into probate.
I’m still hoping to find some sort of really special object like the rock. I have hope that it is in the basement somewhere. I would like to be able to remember my parents properly and grieve for them, but I often finding myself getting mad at them. I feel bad about that. I’m not sure we were a close as I thought we were. All that stuff just got in the way and still does.
Sorry to have written such a book.
“…but I often finding myself getting mad at them.”
Anger is often part of the grieving process.
You have no one to help you through all the stuff, both physical stuff and emotional stuff of saying good-bye to your dad, which has to be very painful.
I pray you will give yourself great grace as you continue through this sorrowful valley.
You lost your dad two years ago, which many would say is a long time ago.
I lost my dad almost 33 years ago, and it still seems like yesterday.
One day, I hope soon, you will remember and know you were a close family.
I pray, too, that you find the memory you are hoping for.
Thank you for your kind words. I have a boyfriend, but this going through stuff is not his thing. He didn’t grow up this way. His parents don’t have a lot of things that they have had for years, so I guess the truly important, sentimental items stand out. They get rid of really nice things and buy new really nice things. They’re well off. He lives in a hovel for some reason, although he could afford much more. But I too lived in a bit of hovel before getting the house. I just didn’t see a real good reason for living any differently, although I could afford it.
There was a period of time growing up when my boyfriend’s dad had cancer and they were poor, so I guess that made an impact. And my hovel was at least reasonably neat and had decor that fit together and wasn’t crammed full of stuff, so in many ways was a step up from what i was used to.
It was a well written piece, anger is one of the steps, let the process work and in the end you will be stronger for it.
While reminiscing about our Dear Mumm, my sister and I got on the topic of the absolutely AWESOME heirloom quality hand knitted Afghan blankets..
Every member of my family got one. When you married one of us kids, you, as a member of her family, were almost entitled to one.
So, during our conversation, I asked, “Yeah, you know I can’t remember when she didn’t have those knitting needles flying. (Well, at least between reupholstering EVERY stick of furniture in our house!) She ran out of relatives to knit for, years ago. I wonder what happened to all of the rest of her “stuff”?
My Sister said ” Oh, I thought you knew! She and her “Gang of Grannies” were knitting boots and hats for the premature babies in the local hospitals.”
So THAT’S why the orange and black yarn around halloween, and the red, green, and white yarn around Christmas!
I think being a child of the depression gave my Mumm an extra level of appreciation for life’s bounties.
16 years plus, since she passed (7 months after my Dad), and I miss her like it was yesterday.
Much Love and Respect, my Beloved Treepers!
Semper Fi,
Strength’N’Honor,
skipper
With the rock being wrapped in so many layers, maybe it held special memories of the good times your mother shared with her best friend and using it for kraut was just a bonus. Your story brought back memories of my parents making kraut, they used this big brown crock and something heavy on top.
My mom and dad aren’t hoarders….but to “us” they seem to be.
It’s a matter of perspective.
One day, I am ringing the doorbell, and no one is answering. Door is locked. But I can hear the loud tv down in the den, so I walk around back to tap on the glass window to announce myself.
but I hold and watch and my mother and father are holding hands and slowing moving along the long wall of the bookcase, there there are all sorts of different items on display. To me and others, it just seems like a large inventory of mostly obscure and cheap stuff. pictures (of people I’ve never met and never been mentioned), vases, candles, old watches, coins, news papers, hats, gloves, porcelain tea cups and silver plates, old bibles.
They are smiling.
these are the items that produce fond memories…things they discovered and experienced together. Just the two of them.
no hoarders. Just sentimental people who love this life and made a habit of keeping the things that would bring good memories of times that would have probably been long forgotten.
I have every intention of keeping all of it, and dusting weekly and maybe someday, holding someone’s hand and telling them a few stories when telling stories are the best thing that can happen in a day.
God Bless America
What a lovely story.
I love your parents, too!
oh, so put this one in the folder labeled. “to strange to be true”.
I am restoring a 25 year old tractor mower. A cheapo, but the engine is still good, so I decide to restore it completely. And I find this old brown paper back stuffed up under the seat. Inside is some kind of receipt owned by my Mother’s Father. It’s a payment for a title fee on some property. In a town about 80 miles away. I don’t think anything about it, but I keep it. A few weeks later while eating dinner with mom and dad, I show this to my mom. And she doesn’t know anything about it either. But clearly is some title fee for a parish clerk office in Many, Louisiana. My Dad decides to ask someone in the church who knows how to search titles and would you know it, Papaw had purchased around 8 acres of land in Many, Louisiana way back in the 60’s. Never sold it. We are now in the process of gaining full legal title for the land, going through probate (argggh) to determine how this property can be transferred legally to my Mother. There are some issues obviously with taxes, but apparently the title doesn’t seem to have any serious defects or liens other than uncollected tax to parish and state. It was not named in the will at the time of his death.
sometimes, things get forgotten. Things that seem to escape the march of time. But curiosity…the sheer strength of wanting to simply know about something; answers find a way.
God Bless America
Cool story! Pretty amazing that the state didn’t auction off that property due to unpaid real estate taxes.
I have an old deed from one of my family’s property, now sold long ago, but the boundaries are described in the deed that included a stone fence and oak tree. No formal survey, just landmarks.
Many years ago my great aunt passed. I was nearby and the house was to be emptied. I was to to take what I wanted. I lived in a small apartment so I had to leave tools and such. I took a few 50s anodized bar ware items, a wooden bowl for popcorn, and I found her bible. I use it now. The wooden bowl turned out to be a large antique hand-spun koa bowl, lovely piece. But I still use it for popcorn, and think of her each time I enjoy it with a movie. She was not a hoarder, but an obvious collector of memories, and she bequeathed pleasant ones to me.
OK. So, I grew up with many allergies, including dogs and cats. At the school carnival we bought a duckling. Daffy. So creative. A few years later we woke up to find the gate open and Daffy gone. Sad kids. We got two more ducks. But a year or so later my mom overhears at a party someone talking about a duck. She gets the address of where this person took the duck and later that week, off we go across town.
Old bungalow with a white picket fence and smallish dirt front yard with two small concrete and dirty “ponds” on either side of the concrete front walkway. There were more than a dozen ducks and geese and chickens crowded in. I recognized Daffy right away. She was walking slowly with her head down. Sad duck. We called, “Daffy”, and she perks up, eyes wide, and quacking she waddles down the walkway as fast as she could. She obviously recognized us too. The homeowner wasn’t home so we left a note and crayon drawings and took our happy duck home.
My father was a serial philanderer and due to his involvement with a rather vindictive floozie, our house was burned. Lost in the blaze was family 8mm movies of each Christmas back to the middle ’50’s, all of our first steps and various reunions. Also, as my dad was a fighter pilot instructor in WWII and Korea, he had class books (yearbooks, annuals?) from many of his assignments. All gone. So in spite of his proclivity to hoard, all was lost. Amazingly enough, I did find, on Ebay, a military yearbook from Hondo, Texas, in which he was included. Always on the lookout for more.
I hope said floozie went to prison. She could have killed off your whole family!
Thank you for this story today. Sometimes in life, when one reads about the death and joy of others, it helps you realize that those two emotions are what make life the living paradox that is needed in order for one to experience both emotions, and not just one or the other. You really made my morning.
After reading the entire thread I feel that the spirit of the Kraut has to be understood. My Othermom (My name for Her) made and taught me the Kraut process. Yes she used crocks and big rocks but the process I now use is 5 gal plastic buckets, 1 plate slightly smaller than top of bucket covered in cheesecloth. I place a second 5 gallon bucket filled 1/3 with water as a equivalent weight to the Rock on top of the plate. The evolved Kraut process now is: 1. Using food processor slicing blade slice 25 pounds of cabbage. 2. Place sliced cabbage in 5 gallon bucket after mixing it with 15 tablespoons of Kosher (Non-iodized) salt. 3. Put cheesecloth covered plate on top of the cabbage in bucket #1 and put 2nd 5 gallon bucket (1/3 full of water) on top of the plate. The kraut spirit develops as it ages for 5 weeks.
Spirit after week one is marvelous smell as cabbage starts to soften. (Rot).
Spirit week two shows a yellow liquid on top of the kraut but the smell is getting funky.
Spirit week three is bubbles of gas (Lacto bacteria farts) and yellow liquid on top appears to have white stuff forming clusters. Week four bubbles continue and liquid on top has white and blue clusters. Smell gives impression of Yuk!!!
Week five you think the spirit is DEAD as the top of the liquid looks like you were a total failure as now even fruit flies seem to think it is a possible new home.
Great !!! your Kraut and its millions of Lactic bacteria want you to harvest the fruits of their labor as you take the plate out of the bucket and scrape the scum and stuff on top into the trash or sink disposer. Under that Dank top layer is a wonderful crisp fermented kraut waiting for you to can (Quart mason jars (25 lbs cabbage make 11 Qts.) put into 20 minute boiling water bath) or refrigerate and enjoy.
Millions of micro-organism have created this wonderful, healthful kraut and their spirit passes to You. That Big rock had these bacteria from many batches of Kraut on its surface just waiting for a new batch of cabbage to eat. Just like sour dough (same bacteria) they get better over time.thi
Enjoy my Othermoms recipe and receive all the health benefits of the labor of the Rock bacteria. When your digestive system if out of sorts have a little help from your Kraut to get things back in order.
It’s a nice story, and I love canning fruit, but I’ve always hated saurkraut.
I make kraut in several crocks and have the corresponding plates and rocks for them. However, I heat with wood. When my kids were very small, 5 yrs or so, I would take them to a creek with a very nice ford. There they would look for a rock to place on top of the stove to keep their feet warm in bed. I would have to approve their choice because the rock, usually granite had to hold heat a long time. No sandstone, quartzite, conglomerate,breccia, etc. Later a cover would be sewn to fit to the size of the rock. After family prayer hot rocks would be put in the “pouch” and off to bed for the kids with their rocks. Amazingly, as the kids left college and set up their own households, they wanted their rocks. I asked why and the answer was they had over the years become “comfort rocks.” Hummm….. If things never really disappear from the internet posts hopefully some day when one of their progeny or later generations wonder why Mon/Dad had this old rock in a strange bag/pouch; hopefully some kind soul will direct them this way..!
My mother died 15 years ago – on my son’s birthday. She had an easy passing, but was in Winter, so we siblings decided to wait until Spring to empty her home.
Our father built that house with his own two hands – a small ranch style home. After he died an early death, Mother lived there for another 38 years with our eldest sister – a genuine “old maid.” We siblings and our parents all lived in that small three bedroom one bath home. And, for a time our paternal grandmother lived with us.
Once, I asked Mother where everyone slept. She began to name who shared what bedroom other than the one bedroom that was hers and dads. She could never figure out who slept where. I have no idea except I know we all had a roof over our head and warm beds and 3 meals a day – without fail.
Three sisters lived in the same town as Mother – a bonefide home town for all of us. My brother lived a few hours away and I lived in another state.
Brother chose not to participate in the dismantling of the home.
Old maid sister was mentally and physically unable to participate – as per Mother’s instructions, sister now lived in a nursing home.
The remaining three – I and my two sisters – undertook the task of making decisions about the contents of our Mother’s home.
It was gut wrenching for me. I loved Mother and deeply admired her.
Her cabinets held canned goods that had expired many years previously. Mother was “vertically challenged” so could not see the upper cabinet contents.
Mother’s furnishings were comfortably old and worn – but old and worn.
Truthfully, there was not an overabundance of stuff and things.
Mother’s garments included a blue nightgown, too – a silky and modest ruffled gown that was 70? years old.
Most of her belongings were of no material value and frankly, alot of it was just junk. I hate to write that and felt so much guilt making that judgement. But truth is truth, and I will never be convinced that any of it meant anything to Mother. She told me once that at a certain age, belongings would mean nothing.
She kept a few documents – one was the hospital bill of $25 for my birth. I was the only child born in a hospital because there was some question about my potential health.
I kept that billing statement. There was no joy in my birth – Mother told me I was a mistake. I kept a remnant of a sad thing – what does that say about me…and her?
None of us wanted much of anything from that house. We each chose a few tokens but we each had our own belongings in our own fully furnished residences. The things the house held did not hold many
treasured memories.
So…we had a roll-off dumpster brought to Mother’s house and we filled it full.
Lifetimes of mother and dad and us encased in a dumpster and emptied in a trash dump.
Then, last year, my mother-in-law (MIL) died. She lived to her mid nineties. Sadly, the last five years were in an assisted living facility and then, a skilled nursing facility after her hip broke.
Her daughter lived with her, too, prior to her residency in assisted living – a residency that was a direct result of her daughter’s alcohol and drug dependency.
More than half of the MIL’s retirement funds “disappeared.”
MIL’s health had become precariously bad due to negligence.
We lived in another state at the time and were alerted to the dire circumstances of MIL’s life by another distant relative.
Husband and I stepped in – we are retired and elderly ourselves, but we relocated to the area and intervened to save MIL’s life. The assisted living facility was only a couple miles from our home. MIL’s health stabilized although she was never again 100% physically or mentally well.
My husband became the court appointed guardian and conservator and had power of attorney.
When we realized MIL would never be able to return home, her house was eventually sold to provide her with additional retirement funds.
But first…
We discovered the house was mouse and flea infested – the effects of neglect and elder abuse … and the result of daughter’s dependencies.
Again…a dumpster in the driveway. Again…whole house disposal. All the upholstered furniture had to be thrown away. All the carpeting and rugs were infested. All the dishes were contaminated. All the clothing was ruined – dead mice had a death grip on clothing in the closet. Refrigerator was full of molded and rotten carry-out food. The only edible food in the house was a package of Little Debbie Cakes and Dr. Pepper canned sodas.
The house had developed a few structural issues due to neglect.
It was a horror and I will never get over the visual shock and the heartbreak.
We had to take my MIL from her once beautiful home – her dream home. A profound heartbreak.
These experiences changed me – but that is actually an understatement – life and the importance of possessions was clearly revealed.
I became determined not to leave our son with the burden of an empty old home full of old furniture and old things and old clutter. I began to quietly “gift” things to folks who would enjoy the items.
I was slowly led (in a way) to a path of freedom.
My sister says, “Why keep the thing when you have the memory?” (She does not adhere to this advice.)
I still have memories and I have found that more and more memories return as my mind is uncluttered with the mindful accumulation and maintenance of belongings.
So, we are downsizing – a very drastic downsize. Truth be told, my husband finds this a difficult undertaking. We have sold furniture and donated stuff and thrown useless things into the trash. An exercise that he finds scary in a way. But security is not found in possessions.
So, in faith believing, I choose to trust God to order our steps and choose to believe that He will ensure that we will live our few remaining years with a small but solid roof over our head, a select few things that we “love” – (mainly furnishings my husband has crafted) and a bed for sleep and chairs to sit and a table to eat and a large workshop for him to hone his woodworking skills while giving him purpose.
I will keep a few things: a painting Mother bought for Dad, a small Bible collection, a few framed photos and some paintings gifted from friends (I do enjoy art,) and –
a framed picture that says “In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus.”
I wish it said:
“In the morning when I rise, give me TO Jesus.”
That is my heart’s desire.
Even so, Lord, Amen
Excellent post – all of it. But especially what your sister said.
When my kids were home over Christmas and New Years, I was telling them how I still had some of the old Halloween costumes I had made for them, and how I had recently looked at one that I thought would be cute for my grandchild to wear. My son had worn it when he was about the age his daughter is now – a little yellow crayon outfit. But it was not in good shape. The felt material had frayed and some of the glue-on letters were falling off, it smelled funny and looked dirty. I told my kids I realized it was time to toss some things like that out. Anyway, I have pictures, videos and lots of memories of him in that costume. I will show them to his daughter and we will laugh.
So your sister is correct – Why keep the thing when you have the memory?
My father, still alive, is a hoarder, mostly antiques. He won’t get rid of anything. He grew up in the great depression so when he dies everything goes to auction. We try to get him to sell stuff but he refuses always procrastinating. The last time I was there I told him I could not go back into the house it was too depressing. If anything ever happens to him the paramedics will not be able to get to him. It is so sad. But he is stubborn.
You can talk to fire dept about doing a “wellness check” of sorts on the house. If pathways are too narrow for first responders maybe they could address that with your dad. Certainly sounds like a fire hazard. Best of luck to you
Back in the 1930s my future parents hitch-hiked from West Virginia to California. With $25 to their name they planned on finding farm work. While going through Indiana they got caught in a torrential electrical storm. On the highway with thumbs out they got a ride. The family took them home, fed them hot soup, dry clothes, and a warm bed until the storm passed. My mom said they were a Christian family. In California, living in a tent, my brother was born. Living in a boarding house I was born. The second WW took us back to WV. After Mom passed in the 90s I came upon her cards and keepsake letters. There were cards going back decades from that same family in Indiana. They had stayed in touch over the years.
What a great story. My mom on her mother’s side has roots in West Virginia going way back to Jenny Wiley, who’s story can be found easily enough on the Internet if anyone is interested. There are still family there in Dunlow. Some of my cousins I have never met personally but am nevertheless connected through texts and phone calls.
That was a fun story about the rock. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Beautiful, just beautiful…
Aside from the life altering disability, she wasn’t mentally ill.
😂😂 great story
I love this story. Life is always full of surprises. I recently came in to contact my fathers best friend. He’s 98 now, my dad passed in 2001. Turns out his son lives a couple towns over, we both apparently moved south years ago, and my dad’s friends granddaughter works for the same company as my daughter. Saw the unusual last name on an email and reached out to ask if by chance we were related to (my Dad) …. So, I am now in communication by mail with my fathers best friend. Surprises.
Menagerie … another interesting thread to start would be “Last Words” or “Long-lasting words.” Bet there are classic short quotes or one-liners from parents, grandparents, and cherished loved one’s that made “long-lasting” impressions on our lives.
PS: The rock story thread even produced some helpful solutions on meaningful ways to pass history along. Thanks.
I’m in my 60’s now, and my prized possession is a 13″ cast iron skillet which I bought new almost 40 years ago. Eventually, it and everything else of value my wife and I own will pass to our kids and grandkids. Currently, we are starting to teach kitchen skills to our oldest granddaughter, but one does wonder if the intangibles will be lost in generational translation, or over time. Exactly how does one convey the simple truth that decades of careful use seasons a cast iron skillet to the point where it’s literally irreplaceable…?
Menagerie, thanks for getting the “rock rolling”
on this subject!
Appreciate your experience as well as everyone elses.
Very helpful advice and encouragement.
Growing up I used to stay overnight at gramma dig’s. My grampa used to run a big quarry shovel thus the name grampa dig. Anyway, we used to love to sit around and listen to grammas 45 records. Grampa used to sit in one of those old Larkin style recliners and smoke his cigars. They didn’t have much but gramma really liked her plants and had a tall spindly cactus she used to put out on the porch every summer.
Grampa passed away when I was younger but gramma held on till I was getting out on my own in the world. I used to visit her as often as I could and one day she told me “kid, you take grampas chair with you cuz lord knows the rest of your family won’t want it”. I thanked her and packed it up but I had my eye on something else. I had become fond of plants too and asked her if I could take a cutting of the cactus. She said “that old thing, oh da hell, take the whole thing”. Well, I couldn’t stuff a 6 foot cactus in my car so the cutting went with the chair.
I still have that chair and more importantly still have the cactus, 40 years later, alive and still stirring memories when I look at them both.