If you are a man, I’m sure you’ve reflected on the men who influenced your life. We automatically think of dads, of course, who have such profound and critical importance in not only the development of children, but continue to provide us with wisdom and role models as we age and face the challenges of life.
Las week I witnessed a small, almost unnoticeable incident that illustrated this for me again, and made me think a lot about it this past week.
I am homeschooling my autistic grandson for the third year. My husband is retired now, and often helps out, which has been great for the little guy. Last year when he was studying work, energy, levers, wedges, etc. in his science class, there was a lot of time in the garage using things like a hammer and nail, drill and screws, to illustrate the lessons.
Last week I took him to the track and playground for exercise. He used to love the playground, and was adventurous, but at nine, he’s decided he’s too old. I told him he has to play, or do exercise videos. Very reluctantly, he decided to put minimal effort into the climbing wall, swings, ladders, and other equipment there. My encouragement had no influence.
The next day, my husband was able to come with us. The grandson was a different boy, simply due to the presence of his grandfather. He threw himself into things, and even attempted crossing the hand over hand bars, which he was unable to do, but made a few swings. My husband explained to him that he would easily be able to do this, and other activities, by the end of the year.
I suspect several things happened here. Just the presence of a strong, respected man made Conner feel safe. Perhaps he also felt it important to make an effort to impress his grandfather, or be more like him. And undeniably, as my husband walked beside him and encouraged him to step off the safe platform and swing out into the air, he needed the security of a strong man he trusted, not holding him, but just there.
We fight battles politically, economically, and using our influence to change minds. But this is how we win.
As you go about your day, a simple action like this will change the world more than all the other things. Be there for a kid, whenever you can.
A man’s once wise words to me that I passed on to my son: “Effort does not guarantee success, but it removes the guarantee of failure.” Worth remembering for this coming November.
That is an awesome set of words.
Whatever happened to the grumpy old grandpa or uncle who always threw down facts to the kids?
They didn’t care if you liked to hear it or not…..
Being a man sometimes means doing the right thing even if people get upset.
Menagerie you did it again!
Deuteronomy 4:9
English Standard Version
9 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children—
Well said and a great illustration! Agree wholeheartedly.
(unlike a certain VP candidate that jerked his son’s arm across the stage…)
Sometimes only a male role model will do. As a mother of sons I know this as well.
A beautiful story. You are all blessed!
Wow, today we took the boat out and our kids had some friends with them in their boat. Nana decided we needed to go out and swim and or jump from the boat. No problem except the single mother said Abby can’t swim well and she probably would not jump off. Well I said ok we will be careful all have life vests and so on.
Guess what when I jumped in, guess who almost jumped on my backside lol she had a ball… never thought about that way but yes…Nana doesn’t go in haha
Menagie,
You wrote this to my heart, friend. We mourn the loss of solid men in our lives every day. Society doesn’t allow a man to be manly anymore. What society calls “toxic masculinity”… I call an honoring and pleasing aroma. I miss my father every day but am thankful he isn’t here to see what’s happening. He’d already be off to battle to stop the coup. He, as a military policeman, would never have stood for this. Ever.
I am sure communism had a plan, laying in wait.
Progenabiome has done lots of work to show how a damaged immune system can directly lead to various levels of autism. Their website is progenabiome dot com. In the meantime, encourage him to eat lots of yogurt with Bifidobacterium genus cultures.
Many children have received medical treatments that have killed off most of their Bifido bacteria that they received when they first were breastfed. For those that were never breastfed, their immune systems likely NEVER received the initial cultures and supporting food to establish and nurture a healthy immune system.
There is so much I wish to say…. But I can’t… just know Menagerie…you have blessed many with this post.
Let’s pray for each other… pray for me and mine…
God bless us everyone.
en – COURAGE YOUR SONS AND GRANDSONS…
Never DIS-COURAGE them!
a treasure you are menagarie..inspiring. doing well, doing good.
God Bless America
to wit
It’s a great thing for a man to walk on the moon. But it’s a greater thing for God to walk on the earth. (neil Armstrong, the “first man”)
intelligent and based on solid principles, daring against all odds, KNOWING THAT A LIFE LIVED IS NOT FINITE…but infinite.
God Bless America
Speculations. The beautiful and feminist patriot Naomi Wolf said something in a recent internet interview show that made me set up and take notice. Border hawk Michael Yon backs her up on this. Many of the military aged men let into the country via the wide open borders of Biden/Harris and Commie Alejandro Mayorkas current Sec. of Homeland (in)Security, the first two are fellow travelers, Naomi said are housed in barrack like structures right next to the Chicago and Denver international airports. I don’t remember if She mentioned if other major airports are being likewise set up. We will know if any of this is true in the not to distance future. Fathers and moms prepare your sons and daughters for a commie neo-Bolshevik take down of 0f the USA. Even if elected, the Democrat (commies) may release their imported demons before Trump/Vance can gather the forces to save the country, If Scamala and her commie VP can cheat their way into the White House, again, all bets are off.
It is said that an army fights on it’s stomach.
Questions: Is this why the Neo-Bolshevik commies in Washington DC are GIVING free housing, free food, free cell/smart phones, free cash, cards and transportation and just about everything else free to the invading third world?
Whatever parents tell their boys and girls what is going on, one thing is for sure; this is not going to end well.
Remember the woke US military is a part of the current Bolshevik run woke Federal Government. Will the woke military assist the Bolsheviks or will the military come down on the side of the American people? We know what Trump will do. Commie Scamala is an open question.
Sorry for the fractured sentence structure. I hope the reader gets the message.
Yes. YOU ARE CORRECT.
WWIII started in 2014.
We The People were and still are ASLEEP AT THE HELM.
WAKE THE EFF UP!
They will not wake up until they are “Red Dawned”. Then it will be too late. We in the hinterlands look at these Blue Hives as the canaries in the coal mines. We are ready and waiting. Bleib ubrig.
The ‘invaders’ will need to prepare for their immediate demise, once they become a menace!
🥰 🥰 🥰 🥰
Kamala Harris’s Dangerous Policies (kamala2024policies.com)
I love everything about this story. Thank you for sharing it. One can’t help but think how young men who have grown up without a strong male influence is handicapped interiorly in ways they may never understand.
Bravo-zulu!
(Why do people always think that they need to add something to such a good, poignant story as this? I dunno, but here goes …)
I once coached a Little League – Juniors team. It was … ahem .. disadvantaged. It also had an autistic boy on it. To explain, requires a significant digression.
Two local leagues had decided that they didn’t want any 13 or 14 year old kids clogging up their superstar teams, so they simply left them off any team, and didn’t bother to call them back. Well, one of those kids was my daughter, who was a pretty good ballplayer, but certainly limited by her petite Asian-American size. I had managed LL and Pony teams for about six seasons, but didn’t plan on coaching at the upper levels, because frankly, there were better qualified fathers than me.
When my daughter saw a local team in an adjoining city practicing with about eight players, I asked in her behalf if she could join the team. The coach said that sorry, but this team was probably going to be disestablished, unless they could find another coach, since he didn’t have the time to coach full time. So, I volunteered, and he saw about trying to add a player outside their district. Well, someone from regional LL called me to redirect my daughter to her own district. I explained that although there were four teams in the Juniors league, her league said that there was no room for my daughter. That shot up the LL chain like a rocket. It turned out, that league had decided to leave about a half dozen kids off, a few who had signed up late, but most who simply lacked experience to play at the advanced 13-14 year old levels. They didn’t even bother allowing them to try out. They chose their kids without tryouts, since most had played in that league for years, and the coaches knew who they wanted to draft. That broke all sorts of LL rules, to the point where her league was threated with being thrown out of LL membership altogether.
Well, the bright guys in her league’s leadership devised a “constructive” way to solve the problem, so all the kids could play. No, they wouldn’t even think about adding these outcasts to their own team (i.e. LL rules said all the kids had to play, and adding these would have significantly weakened their “all star, all stud” teams. They organized a new, fifth team from a local third league that didn’t have enough players to form a team, with coaches and “spare” players drawn from both leagues. They offered me the job of manager. It was take it and manage, or leave it, and deny my daughter (and others) the opportunity to play. (Complicating this was the fact that all this delay left the new team no opportunity to prepare for the season, since the league games were already starting). Of course, after I accepted, two more coaches joined on, one from the other league who left because he wanted to manage the team, or not be involved at all.
In short, it was a mess. The kids from the neighboring city didn’t want to attend practices a half hour away in our city. (Heck, one boy told me his dad was CHARGING him for gas money!) The kids from our league involved my daughter, and about two other kids with significant playing experience, and the rest, little to no playing experience at all. (I had to teach one boy to throw a baseball, as I would have a pre-schooler or T-ball level kid. He couldn’t catch it at all. He was overweight, and couldn’t move to the ball. However, I had some drills, and all of the kids advanced.)
Enter, the autistic young man. Broken family. Short attention span. If I spent 5 minutes coaching some kids on fundamentals and turned around, he was over playing on the monkey bars. I had to find something he liked well enough, to keep him engaged. Normally, that would be behind the plate at catcher, but at that level, the kids are throwing in the upper 80’s MPH. He’d hurt himself, plus the pitchers need a good catcher to learn their craft. Obviously, the outfield was an option, not a good one (again, he’d wander off if not directly engaged), but it was one option. Eventually, I figured out he had a pretty good arm, and likely due to his autistic tendencies, he could focus well with a repeatable delivery. I had to find time to work with him 1:1, which is tough with an inexperienced team with only two coaches. We had to prepare for games to be played twice a week, and our most experienced kids weren’t built up yet (i.e. sore arms all around). So, I worked with this kid, UNTIL, his step father walked up to him mid-way through practice, calling, “Come home now Joey, playtime is over…”. I tried to explain to his stepdad that he had some promise, was now engaged and having fun, we had a scheduled practice now, and his son needed to work if he was going to pitch in a game. His dad replied angrily, “Look, I have a job that I have to commute to, and if I don’t pick Joey up on the way home, I have to go 15 minutes back out of my way to pick him up later. He needs to come now.” I stood there next to my coach, both of us who gave HOURS to his and other kids, both of us who commuted one hour each way to our jobs, and both who had to break away from work four days a week to be there by 4Pm, and wondered how that dad could be so obtuse.
It was that sort of thing all season long. The experienced kids didn’t want to show up either, just to lose every game when Joey forget to field the ball, or one of the others dropped an easy pop up, not even bothering to reach out for it. However, for a couple of games, Joey’s biological dad showed up. His son was absolutely amped, and he suddenly played like a solid stud. He fielded balls, threw razor shots into the infield, went 3 for 4 with power, etc.. He was a different kid. An involved male adult would have certainly changed this young man’s life. Yet, he didn’t have one. His real dad was an absentee, and his step dad was inattentive at best. Honestly, stuff like this broke my heart. Dealing with … not sure how to say this, corrupt? abusive? narcissistic? combative? parents, was always the bane of my coaching existence. Watching kids break out of their shell, develop athletically and as maturing young adults, was what made it worth doing.
Some of the corrupt leaders that set up this mess, accused me of being self-centered, they projected their own narcissism and dreams of glory for themselves and their kids, onto me. In the end, one of them told me “you quit on those kids, you abandoned those kids, this is all supposed to be about the kids, not you ….”. 😡 At least, lol, he was consistent, in it for himself and his son, and ignorant of how his decisions impacted others.
I hope that this young man of who the author speaks, has move than just granddad helping him throughout life. Autism is a debilitating physical child defect, but also a difficult psychological challenge, sometimes made all the more difficult by the adults around him. He deserves extraordinary blessings, and I hope he gets them.
Thank you for telling us your story. It holds some significance for me.
Thanks for your story, I enjoyed it. Conner has a great mom and dad, both very involved in the special care he needs. Many circumstances make me the best choice to homeschool him, but neglect by his parents is not one of them. We have a big family, and we tend to look out for each other. My husband comes from a huge, close, insane in a good way family of Irish Catholic descent, and burdens are often shared.
Wow, thank you for telling this story.
So wonderful the way you did it.
Important!
Simply beautiful!
God bless you, Menagerie
Thank you Menagerie. I grew up without a dad and I can certainly say without a doubt that dads are key influences in the life of every child.
I am thankful for two men in my life. One encouraged me in a skilled trade and the other showed me the love of Jesus Christ. The first man set me up for success as a man, the second one pointed me to Jesus Christ.
I am humbled by both because I know the Lord Jesus was responsible for putting both of them in my life.
Great observations. That is part what makes mothers and grandmothers so special. Here are some thoughts:
A mother or grandmother tends to represent safety (secure base in Attachment Theory).
A father or grandfather can represent adventure and calculated risk taking. A young male watches an older male he respects to learn how a man should behave.
My autistic son mimics me on a very literal level.
My husband was gone a lot because he was in the Navy and abroad ships. One time my son stayed with his grandparents for an afternoon and when I went to pick him up my parents were sitting in chairs in the carport. I asked where my son was and my father said, “right here” and my mother said, “he is changing the brakes on the car.” He was 2. Sure enough my father had him helping put new brakes on the car. There were many other times that my father encouraged him and today he is willing to try most anything.
Beautiful! Thank you!
Inspiring – as per usual!
Thank you for sharing!
Beautiful
Wonderful story, and you make a larger point….men are missing in many children’s lives. It is common to have 50% or more of households with children but no Dad or male influence. Grandfather’s, uncles, male role models at school, church, scouts, or sports teams must fill the gaps to raise healthier and more well rounded children.
Well said & TY for doing so.
It’s also worth knowing the alternative. My dad hated me and spent my formative years beating me, tearing me down verbally, and telling me that I deserved another beating. I am now 46 and unable to form relationships. I take care of my elderly mom who is demented. After she goes, I’ll have some years to myself. But there won’t be anyone to help me if I live a long time, so I know I’ll need to check myself out when I get too frail.
If you regret having kids, then you need to blame yourself. You were a weak man, and punishing the kids for living will make them weak and miserable, too.
I’m sorry you had such a bad father. Mine was not good either. And I’ll be praying for you, especially your decision regarding your future and frailty. Life is always precious.
JD:
My prayers are with you.
I am happy that you love your Mom enough to take care of her.
Not everyone God created was destined to become Mothers and Fathers. God has plans that Man will never understand.
Never give up, never give in. God has plans for a better tomorrow that we have no idea what that may be.
I believe that and know it to be true.
Different teachers are good in the classroom regardless of whether it is at home or in a schoolhouse. I remember having different music and gym teachers. It gives everyone a break from the daily drill. Shake it up and let loose.
My 7th grade teacher insisted we go on field trips and our job was to interview people about their jobs. That was quite a year. The following year was high school. This was to prepare us for careers.
“ he needed the security of a strong man he trusted, not holding him, but just there.”
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
It’s called faith and trust.
Great tribute to your man. What a well-educated grandson you have too.
Thank you, Menagerie. This is very good for me to hear right now.
God Bless.
Yesterday my husband and I attended a 80th birthday party for a friend and his wife. Two 0f their lifelong friends sat down next to us and we began sharing about our different families. They told us a creative way their daughter found to get their grandson to exercise. To get 10 minutes on his computer he had to spend at least 10 minutes doing some kind of exercise.No exercise no computer time.
In your case, time with Grandpa by your grandson’s side seems to work just as well or even better!
IF by Rudyard Kipling (A Life Changing Poem) (youtube.com) This sharing provided by Menagerie made me think back to this very inspirational poem. It embraces everything she said about men and their affect on others, especially their children. Worth sharing to your sons. Another great one is True Manliness by James F. Clarke (A Powerful Speech for Young Men) (youtube.com).
Enjoy!
When we visit our five grandkids, the 3 boys (8,3.5, 1) instantly gravitate to my husband and pig-pile on him. This article is so right.
Phonics help, too.
This is why God created man – to be the leader, the provider, the protector; always loving and teaching, being strong when necessary, but gentle and kind. God made man in His own image and likeness and then he created woman.
Go see the movie The Forge. Good example of male role models in the life of a young man being raised by a single mother. It is a Christian movie and models prayer and discipleship as well.
praise God for alpha men
Some fifty years ago, I was explaining to my Dad that I had a right to do something, not thinking of how “my right” would impact others. My Dad’s response has been one of his sayings that has guided me through life, and I continue to share it with my grandkids. “Your rights end where someone else’s begin”!
As a woman I can say I adore all of the men in my family. My grandfathers and my uncles were and are unbelievable in my eyes. My dad’s brothers loved me and still are the definition of a man to me.
This is a great essay. Thank you.
Wonderful family story Menagerie.