If you are a man, I’m sure you’ve reflected on the men who influenced your life. We automatically think of dads, of course, who have such profound and critical importance in not only the development of children, but continue to provide us with wisdom and role models as we age and face the challenges of life.
Las week I witnessed a small, almost unnoticeable incident that illustrated this for me again, and made me think a lot about it this past week.
I am homeschooling my autistic grandson for the third year. My husband is retired now, and often helps out, which has been great for the little guy. Last year when he was studying work, energy, levers, wedges, etc. in his science class, there was a lot of time in the garage using things like a hammer and nail, drill and screws, to illustrate the lessons.
Last week I took him to the track and playground for exercise. He used to love the playground, and was adventurous, but at nine, he’s decided he’s too old. I told him he has to play, or do exercise videos. Very reluctantly, he decided to put minimal effort into the climbing wall, swings, ladders, and other equipment there. My encouragement had no influence.
The next day, my husband was able to come with us. The grandson was a different boy, simply due to the presence of his grandfather. He threw himself into things, and even attempted crossing the hand over hand bars, which he was unable to do, but made a few swings. My husband explained to him that he would easily be able to do this, and other activities, by the end of the year.
I suspect several things happened here. Just the presence of a strong, respected man made Conner feel safe. Perhaps he also felt it important to make an effort to impress his grandfather, or be more like him. And undeniably, as my husband walked beside him and encouraged him to step off the safe platform and swing out into the air, he needed the security of a strong man he trusted, not holding him, but just there.
We fight battles politically, economically, and using our influence to change minds. But this is how we win.
As you go about your day, a simple action like this will change the world more than all the other things. Be there for a kid, whenever you can.
Conner tried harder because men do not accept excuses or coddle “hurts” like women do (not always a bad thing though). Mens’ nature, expectation and conversation among ourselves make this known.
Zactly. “Rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game”. As my late dear Dad always pointed out, “it’s not how many times that you get knocked down that count, but whether or not you can keep picking yourself off the canvas!”
I actually died once and my dad made me walk it off.
🤣😂
Same but twice!
Bwahahaha!
Hilarious! Only a kid that had a parent that raised them like that understands it.
Up a mile backwards in the snow?
Both ways…and over broken glass, too😂
haha
You are a consistently joyful and thoughtful addition to the Treehouse, Menagerie– thank you for your presence and for sharing your thoughts.
We’re all made better people by reflecting on your posts.
Amen to this!!!
I remember my grandfather teaching me to make a kite with reeds (not straight bamboo), brown paper, a long tail with what looked like a string of bow ties – and it actually flew. Kites can offer children hours of enjoyment outdoors.
In my math class every 3 or 4 years, we would pause for 2 weeks to make/engineer kites. Probably the event most remembered of all my fantastic teaching. (Ha)
I thank God every day that there are teachers like you.
One thing that has had a tremendous negative influence on our society is the increase in teachers who care more about the union than the children.
Math can be a wonderful exploration. Lack of math and statistical understanding has allowed so many to be fooled.
for many, government employment is the end goal and not the means to an end.
My paternal grandfather took me fishing a few times and my Dad numerous times.
One time when I was 5, Grandpa took me fishing and after we tried the first fishing hole, he situated me in the driver’s seat, he sat in the passenger seat, encouraged me to take the steering wheel in both hands, and with his left had, drove a mile up a foothill mountain road between Dalton and Hinsdale, Massachusetts to the next fishing hole.
He gave me my first experience handling a vehicle, and on a mountain road no less!!
Lead from the front. Never ask of someone something you are not willing to do (and demonstrate) yourself.
Excellent observation, Menagerie.
Thank you and may God bless you and your family, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit
Father’s are not expendable but they aren’t invulnerable, either.
Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) Official Trailer | Clifton Webb, Myrna Loy, …
Love that classic movie!
Yes…sad ending…
Very sad ending! I remember watching it as a kid and was devastated at Clifton Webbs death.
You never hear the description “Laugh Riot” applied to today’s so-called comedies.
Can you imagine a Bob Hope-Bing Crosby movie today or Abbott and Costello?
Amen and amen.
Whenever I interact with a child of any age, I make it a point to build them up in some way. Compliment them on the work they’ve done, or encourage them in an activity they’re doing – something, anything.
I got my inspiration from my sister in law. She has a large brood of six children from a blended marriage, each with little kiddos of their own. One holiday season, with the house full of little rugrats underfoot (joyous!), she told me that when she was alone with each child, she would whisper to them confidentially, “Don’t tell the others, but you are my favorite!” And the child would beam with the secret knowledge that they were the special one.
What an act of simple genius.
Wonderful, Jeff. Thank you for the reminder.
One day while alone with a middle school boy — I was his math teacher — we were talking while I took care of paperwork. Suddenly I said, without plan or aforethought, “You know, I never had a son. If I were to have a son, I’d want him to be just like you.”
I was surprised at my words, as they seem to come “out of nowhere.” I take no credit for them.
The boy beamed. From that point on, he was a changed person. More confident and cheerful.
This happened several years ago. He’s a man now, maybe with children of his own. I bet he remembers those words.
Careful. Fake praise is not helpful at all. And most kids can smell it before you’re finished.
Being kinda’ picky here, but I don’t see the statement as praise. Praise expresses admiration or commendation.
Telling a child “You are my favorite” contains no praise. It’s simply an opinion.
“I choose you for who you are.” Powerful! Goes straight to the heart, not to the head.
What a wonderful poignant example of the God- designed role of fatherhood. Boys/men are formed and designed to be energized by risk taking, challenging and conquering. Having positive role models shows boys how to do this in positive ways rather than dominance and violence. Little girls must have this role model too, in order to develop healthy discernment when choosing a mate when older.
Conversely, so much of what is wrong with us can point back to wounds suffered as the result of weaknesses and failings by imperfect fathers – and we ALL have them because there are no perfect fathers. Facing those wounds, acknowledging them is the first step in healing, forgiving and being forgiven. It is that road that leads to peace and healthy relationships.
A big asterisk is deserved as a stark reminder to the subtle importance of whole families importance without the JBJ welfare state tearing them apart.
did you misspell LBJ ?
Yes, thank you.
My darling son nearly got expelled from………………..preschool. The other boys were playing this game of grabbing another boy from the back of the neck. My son had big beefy arms and when he tried to help his friend by doing the same thing,the other boy’s lips were turning blue. I had tried and tried to make him understand he had to go to an adult for help instead of trying to take care of it himself, to no avail. His father stepped in and told him he would be disappointed if he ever did it again. Imagine! He never did. His father was in the Navy and gone a lot. Luckily my father was available and had a big influence in his life which I see now that he has his own children.
Just yesterday I counseled my neighbors son on joining the military. I being a former Marine and my neighbor not being military at all but being 1 hell of a dad and raising 2 great sons, he asked if I would lend my opinion.
The son in question is in his last year in high school and an ROTC Sargent with honors. A friend of the kid had an Army recruiter call his dad for his permission to sign his son up for Army service. His dad is against it and so am I but the kid is gonna be 18 and his dad knows that at that age his son can do what he wants. So after long thought I advised him to at least wait until after the Presidential election to see who wins. Also since he is a commodity that each service wants, he should drive as hard a bargain as he could between competing recruiters. He’s thinking Army since that’s his ROTC or Air Force. I advised him that Air Force has much nicer duty assignments and probably better job skills when he becomes a civilian again. The kid can weld anything and wants to go into fabrication.
I also told him that when he signs on the dotted line that he is now government property and if they want him to pick up a rifle and charge that hill he’s required to do so. Doesn’t matter your MOS ( military occupational status ), cook, driver, pilot or sailor, if they order you to pick up a weapon and charge your required to do so.
It was kinda abrupt, I only had a day to think about it but I did the best I could and hope I got him to thinking about his future and not just being Gun Ho like I was so many years ago.
Y’all have a blessed day.
This is beautiful and thank you for sharing. Just a small comment — part of growing up is making adult decisions about real risks and real dangers. Whether you are a man or a woman, there are risks and dangers. Fathers are terribly terribly important, and one often overlooked reason is the practical one — when you assess a risk or go into danger you can benefit enormously from someone with experience – particularly facing that risk, that danger.
As a young woman totally alone in the world I faced many dangers. The conversations nearest and dearest to my heart – in early and late years – are the ones similar to Mark’s conversation with the young man: If you do this, you can die this way. if you that, this can go wrong. Real facts so real adults can make informed decisions. Attached to the conversation is the obvious fact that this guy could do it and come back — maybe others did not — why ? Why not ? These are the real issues which every adult should be thinking about, and the more time and gray cells focused on real issues, the better outcome in every aspect.
God Bless You – and your young friend.
Love the extension to the explanation….that is asking questions, discussion that is relevant….real issues. Thank you.
Air Force and demand air traffic control position. After he serves four years as ATC he can work for the FAA and make $200k a year with 20 year retirement.
the line i think works is.
your family needs you here.
Hmm.. how about leveraging his ROTC to go to College and get a degree in Mechanical Engineering?
Lots of work in the AF for officers like that. AND, being an office is much nicer.
Thank you for your service and the advise you gave the young man, stepping off into the world.
Thank you! Very blessed to receive this help.
I am 4th generation military. The military service stops with me. I have spent a lot of time being honest with my children about the perils of service. Looking at the state of Afghanistan and Iraq I can’t say my multiple combat deployments counted for much. I would be devastated for any of my children to get caught up with the current pointless foreign wars like Ukraine.
Luckily my kids also got to see me fight the illegal vaccine mandate. That sealed the deal from them ever wanting to join. Not to mention all the DEI and other social issues. The vast majority of my contemporaries feel the same, we are all telling our kids not to join.
MajGen Smedley Butler’s “War is a Racket” should be required reading for anyone contemplating the service. The technologies have changed but the 14 pages are just as poignant today.
TY old joe
I will show all of your replies for him to read, and thank you all very much.
My brother went through a messy divorce. His wife was an alcoholic and had begun using hard drugs, and the marriage broke up. They have 3 daughters.
He wasn’t blameless in the slightest for the divorce but when he was awarded full custody of the girls he knew that he needed to focus more fully on family as a now single dad. He raised his daughters to adulthood and they are three spectacular young ladies. I’m so proud of my brother!
Single dads can be victorious! So glad to hear your brother and daughters were victorious together!
father/daughter bonds are amazing. Hat tip to your brother!
Boys need men to look up to, to emulate.
God bless good, Godly, strong men.
Papa Grizzlies rock!
Except when they eat their cubs! LOL.
Appreciate this post focusing on what is really important to families and individuals. We ended up with youngest grandson and he is a blessing from God. A joy and cause for purpose. Thanks for the break from politics!
Bless your loving hearts! This is where government starts anyway…politics is way downstream from here. Thank you for being wonderful grandparents!
M, you’ve said a lot of wise things here over the years, but this was a particularly moving post. Thanks
Instinctual, the young man wants to excel around another man.
Along those lines when my kids were young we’d go to Toys-R-Us my daughter would make a beeline to Barbie my son was went for the action heroes, toy guns etc. It was a beautiful thing, God made them perfectly, a little boy and a little girl.
Liberals would have us believe those differences are society driven and not human nature. But we know better, don’t we?
This is a wonderful post.. it’s spot on and it’s so important.
I have teenagers and I’m at that point in life of having a house full of teens quite often..
They are eating, flopping on the couch and feeling like they are home, my home has been their home.
My kids have grown up with many of these kids.
None of them have fathers, NONE, including my own.
They are absent, dead, or in prison.
My kids tell me that there are tons of kids at school like this…
There is a crisis happening here with this that needs to get on the radar and fast.. and loudly.
Bless your heart and strengthen you in your purpose (and God’s) to love every single one of them and to
give them a place to be. There is indeed a crisis. So encouraging to hear from the overcomers in this crisis…including yourself.
Where there is no man, women are made to step up and fill the gap. You certainly could be the one to organize your kids and be voice concerning these agonizing events in these young people’s lives and in your life.
Thank you Menagerie for sharing Connor’s adventures. Whether it is a 9 year old giving his all to “try stepping off
to a new adventure with Grandpa it is exciting to feel and see that first step with air under your feet and trusting Grandpa’s words.
I agree. So precious.
Democraps and leftists – We have been emasculating men for decades. It’s what we do!
The various comments ring true. I taught Math in a girls’ school and often found myself acting like Conner’s grandfather… which worked for some but not all the girls. It’s a binary world. Girls need men adults to model… and boys need women adults to model. Just a passing thought.
Absolutely! I agree 100% I have also lived long enough, taught long enough, and loved kids long enough to know for a fact the truth of what you’re saying.
I was in a restaurant and a kid around 15, all decked out in his ego garb was filling his cup with soda, I went up to get my drink and he looked at me and asked. “Am I supposed to smile when people smile at me?”. Kinda pissed me off looking at him, the arrogance. I said “ it’s a gesture of respect we give each other, I accept you” he kinda stopped a moment and reconsidered his position.
Men don’t always smile at each other, we nod or just acknowledge the other in some way, if we are men. Some are arrogant and have no self respect and it comes from lack of discipline. A man who puts a hard days work in knows to respect the other. Those who get handouts are not men inside, “they have no chest” C.S. Lewis. You earn some things in life money has no meaning in that aspect, if you have respect it just increases it.
Some teens literally have no adult whom they can ask a question like that.
Sometimes what feels like arrogance from the young is actually a lack of social skills and having only minimal interaction with adults in the home.
It’s so sad the huge number of unparented children seeking connection with someone, anyone anywhere …..
I loved this! I loved “Ego Garb”. Very funny. I loved your answer to him. I loved “A man who puts in a hard days work knows to respect the other man.” “Also that men who get handouts are not men inside.”.”they have no chest” CSLewis. Thank you.
Beautiful and awesome! We so desperately need FATHERING/MENTORING for our boys NOW.
Yes Lord!!!
I hung out as a child with grandpa “Hammer”. We called him that because he was a woodworker. I got to help with making cabinets, learning the power tools, tending the farm garden, and getting to drive the 48 GMC truck the last half mile of gravel to the farm. He never hovered and rarely scolded. He taught.
Unfortunately he had his larynx removed before I was 10 and couldn’t speak other than a loud whisper blended with belching. He still instilled the traits Menagerie speaks of by just being there. My parents had some issues getting along and having a quiet place with inspiring activities helped me become a confident and capable adult.
I still garden, build things, make sawdust, and inspired by grandpa Hammer, try to be strong.
I loved Grandpa Hammer!! “He never hovered and rarely scolded. He taught”. “My parents had some issues getting along and having a quiet place with inspiring activities helped me become a confident and capable adult.” Beautiful!
There is a wonderful John Prine song about his Grandfather. The chorus goes:
Grandpa was a carpenter
He built houses, stores and banks.
Chain smoked Camel Cigarettes
and hammered nails in planks.
He was level on the level,
shaved even every door.
And he voted for Eisenhower
because Lincoln won the war.
Reminds me of my Grandfather, all good memories. Thanks, Mike.
So true.I was on my morning walk yesterday and decided to take a route where the kids are waiting for the school bus They separated so I could walk between them and As I passed I said “School time!”They started cheering ,to my surprise .This was a private school bunch probably 12 year olds I was dumbfounded and happy at the same time It actually surprised me.They were so funny.
I remember growing up and doing stupid things, getting into trouble like other kids, my Dad would always drill it into me: “use your head!”. It got really old and tiresome at the time, but I sure am a lot more of an independent thinker than most people that I have to deal with now. It sinks in. I wish he was still around so I could thank him.
Love this! Men matter!
Thanks for your post 📫 Menagerie 👌👍
👉I promptly sent this to several family members with a brief sentence of encouragement. Great responses from everyone 👈
Menagerie is such a beautiful soul….love her.
God bless y’all! My maternal grandfather and grandmother were the most significant influences in my life. No telling where or who I’d be without them, but certain life wouldn’t be as good. Lord, I miss them and look forward to reunion in heaven!
I have three boys…all in their 30’s…I am in my 60’s…
I learned from my Father and Grandfather that I would have to stand on my own…they would not help…not in a bad way but in a responsible way…you have to make decisions and you learn from your successes and mistakes. And punishment was not just “time out” but I was introduced to Mr. Hairbrush…
Raising my boys…I articulated the same methods…the world from the late 60’s had changed with liberal thinking…could not punish children, do everything for them, participation trophies etc. It made me sick. Yet my boys were taught to respect their parents, the golden rule, look people in the eye, yes sir no maam and how to hold a knife and fork when you eat…etc…and if they didn’t Mr. Hairbrush would make an appearance.
Three Eagle Scouts later, Captains of their respective High School Sports teams (Football, Hockey, Tennis) and success in College and the Business world…we had our moments but being a Father is important…it molds your successors…
As a Father take responsibility and avoid the leftist child raising model…
Great advice with good fruit. So glad you are a father who did not yield to the perversion of the healthy, wholesome way to raise young people. I loved your list of things also.
I love this! Thank you.
Excellent thoughts as always, Menagerie. Not only have I observed this to be true, but lately I’ve observed a number of “leaning liberal” co-workers adjust their political positions based on the quietly made comments of quiet men they respect. This concept has also been shown true in other areas as well!
First thing I thought of was that he was eager to impress an older male or to get praise from that male.
He knows he has Grandma’s love. I am sure he knows he is loved by his Grandpa, but at this age, a boy CRAVES the respect of an older male. The primitive brain knows he can earn the respect of another male by demonstrating physical strength/power/agility/dexterity, etc. Those “athletic” attempts were his desire to show his maleness and it was important that he demonstrate his DARING to another male.
It’s another developmental stage in the life of a boy–testing himself under the gaze of a father, or in this case, a grandfather, to be followed by demonstrating his maleness and testing his maleness in front of other boys, mostly of his own age.
It’s very much a journey of self-discovery: “Can I do it? And how do I measure up against others like me?”
He can do this in front of his Grandpa w/out fear of ridicule, something he probably hasn’t yet tried in front of others who are either just a bit bigger and older or maybe his own age.
Thank you. That was a meaningful letter to all of us but especially me. I have a 9 year old grandson, whose only challenges are to rise up in the middle of three older sisters and to wait for his dad to come home. I used to spend a lot of time with him in his younger years but at this particular age he will have none of it. I know it’s temporary and so I watch, wait, and help out when I can. As soon as his dad enters the dining room, late though he may be, my grandson is all about him. Quite often his dad will take him immediately out into the forest or to a lake somewhere and my grandson comes back looking like he’s grown a few inches, relaxed and content. Other times he stays at the table and they all talk together. This relaxes him too. The head of the household is home…the man of the family….and what a settling thing that is as well as good training. Thanks again!
I had the unfortunate situation of not having a father in the home from the age of 7 to adulthood due his being a violent alcoholic which necessitated my mother having to divorce him.
My mom taught me many good lessons and to this day I respect strong women like my mother because of all she did for me.
As for a father figure, I found that in all the fine coaches I had during my playing sports in school. I admire them all to this very day.
Great post!
Oh boy. The first thing I land on and I have tears.
My own experience tells me the importance of both female and male parental relationships, whether those parents are immediate or extended family or chosen/adoptive family.
Thank you once again for what you share and how you say it.
This thread demonstrates why it is so very funny important for the well being of children to have intact families with a mother and a father.
So too, I fervently believe that both sets of grandparents should be available and active in their grandchildren’s childhoods. It’s important!
The breakdown of our families was intentional. But nowadays Gen Z parents seem seriously bonded, so this horrid disaster may reverse itself.
I pretty much grew up without a dad ( very long story ) but my grandmother was tough as nuts… and I also had the extended family with cousins and uncles and aunts… so that helped a lot.
Also my mother was pretty tough too.
So, I’d think what a kid needs when they grow up is a figure that represents strength, responsibility and independence. Most women are too soft for that, but not all. Just as not all men are suitable per your description.
So, I guess I did OK. Although I’ve broken my arms four times. There was no one to catch me… but, heck, I did jump…
My dear father was at all of our sporting events and practices, quietly watching us. I played soccer at a very competitive level into adulthood. I asked my Dad once his come when I got injured on the field he never ran out to check in me like some dad’s. He “Said, because you weren’t hurt, I’d know if you where really injured”. We laughed and I said you’re right.
Yeah… I used to go to my son’s High School cross country races…. those kids often twist an ankle, etc…. only ONCE did I grab him, told the coach about it and took to the emergency room… when he really, REALLY pulled something in his calf.
I just knew he got hurt that time.
Coach, not surprisingly, knew it too so he had one of my son’s friends grab his stuff and brought it home.
Amen the family unit Mom and Dad are necessary to raise successful Children. One needs only look at the fruit from the tree to see Character. God is good.
“As you go about your day, a simple action like this will change the world more than all the other things. Be there for a kid, whenever you can.”
Too often when we look at the world and all its problems and ask ourselves, “How do we fix all this?” we immediately begin thinking of the top-down solutions. But is the little actions, the bottom-up ones, the personal ones, which provide the answer to that question.
Be the example.
Every day
Every way
Never fail
Always do what’s right
( the hardest job anywhere)
Isn’t it great that both PDJT and RFKJr want to address the precipitous rise of ill health in our children and adults. We shouldn’t be seeing the ill health that we’re seeing. So many factors involved from toxic foods to toxic medical protocols. So glad there is a move afoot to bring an end to this national tragedy. Thank God.
We must stop this idea that an injection into a muscle will boost an immune system. It is just dumb. It will not work for pets either.
Beautiful, Menagerie!
“I suspect several things happened here. Just the presence of a strong, respected man made Conner feel safe. Perhaps he also felt it important to make an effort to impress his grandfather, or be more like him. And undeniably, as my husband walked beside him and encouraged him to step off the safe platform and swing out into the air, he needed the security of a strong man he trusted, not holding him, but just there.”
One of the precursors to God’s blessing upon a nation is the turning of father’s hearts to their children’s welfare. I saw that attention displayed yesterday by JFKJr and by extension, PDJT. May God bless US as we fight for our children’s well-being.
We must end poisoned food, poisoned dogmas, and mandated poisoned medical interventions ( ie vaccines).
“…his grandfather, or be more like him…”
There’s no “or” involved. Positive role models are essential.
😘 ☝️
So we ask this question: why has Kamala Harris’ father not been active in his daughter’s campaign?
Let us note that the Harris campaign staff has made a firm decision to run their campaign based on personalities as opposed to policies; character assassination as opposed to a discussion of the issues.
Kamala Harris is being painted as the Princess of Joy, Donald Trump is being painted as a latter day Hitler.
This is why Kamala Harris, an accomplished political actress, has dropped the DEI dumb bunny politician act and is now deep into the Obama 2.0 Hope & Change act. What she is saying, and how she is saying it, is music to the ears of the true blue Democratic Party base.
Here is what People Magazine has to say about her father:
All About Kamala Harris’ Father, Donald J. Harris (People, August 23rd, 2024)
Reading this article, one can suspect that Donald Harris has understood for a long time that becoming involved in promoting his daughter’s political career is a losing proposition for her family in general, and for him personally.
Their reputations will be seriously harmed just for the fact of their participation in a contentious, no holds barred political process, not because of who they are or what they believe.
As old as Donald Harris now is, what is the point of him getting involved when the outcome for him personally — a seriously harmed reputation — is the same whether his daughter wins or she loses?
I believe it was said a few years ago that the daughter and the father are estranged.
There is a lot one may unpack from your story experience. Thank you for sharing first of all. One line struct me as it provided multiple offerings: “My encouragement had no influence”. This is a very intuitive insight to recognize.
I would NEVER have had the thought run through my mind: Hmm, it appears that my encouragement is having no influence. What can I do to bring them along? (Think pulling a string). Instead I would immediately amplify, intensify and expand the message. (Think pushing a string).
Connor identified with some elements your husband represents- he wanted to identify with some of those characteristics strongly enough that it motivated him to exert real efforts. GOOD role models are very important to youths and oldsters alike.