Motherhood. Contrary to ridiculous claims otherwise, it starts with being a woman. Which starts with XX chromosomes and can never be changed.
It didn’t take God long at all in his creation process to get to the male, female, mother, and father part. I can see nothing confusing in his words. From Genesis, Chapter 1:
And he said: Let us make man to our image and likeness: and let him have dominion over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and the beasts, and the whole earth, and every creeping creature that moveth upon the earth. 27 And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth…
So, I am a woman, a wife, a mother, a grandmother. A daughter, daughter in law, sister, sister in law.
My pronouns are not she/her. I am a she. I am a her. I am his wife. I am Mom. I am a grandmother to five boys and three girls.
I was never a birthing person and I’ll probably smack you with my cast iron skillet if you call me one.
In dignity and love we women were created unique and with tremendous life bringing gifts by God the Father. You know, the Creator who identified himself, among many other things, as Father. Which gave meaning to what being a man, and a father, and a woman, and a mother, would all come to mean.
My identity comes from God Eternal. Truth. Unchanging.
Ladies, congratulations. Your were gifted from the moment of your creation with a share in God’s own life giving creative abilities. Celebrate who and what you are. Celebrate life, femininity, nurturing, love, and the ability to pair colors and patterns, carry two squirming kids under two years old, five grocery bags, a purse and diaper bag, and open the door without letting the dog in or the cat out.
Celebrate that you loved a man, also created in God’s image, enough to create that most precious and endangered of things, a family. It doesn’t matter whether your family is yours by blood or by love. I have eight grandchildren. Four are genetically related to me, but eight are mine.
Your family, your children, your grandchildren, and everyone else’s are under attack. Your motherhood is one of the biggest weapons against the evil coming against us. You have influence, respect, opportunity, and abilities. Use them for good in word and deed, in action and prayer. In faith, in hope, in love.
As a mother you learned early on, I hope, that love requires hard choices. It is not best for your crying baby to be given something just to shut him up. Your cranky toddler shouldn’t get to watch TV just because. Don’t buy your kid a toy every time you’re in a store. Teach even your little kids to work, and take care of themselves, according to age and ability.
And for goodness’ sake moms, a subject near to my heart, one I once wrote my best ever post on, don’t be overprotective of those kids, especially teens, and especially boys. Men and women are meant to do hard things. We have to be survivors, we have to endure hard times, no money, illness, loss of work, and political madness.
Failures and troubles of all kinds are going to come fast and hard at your kids. Your job is NOT to protect them to the best of your ability. It is to prepare them to survive those hard knocks and failures on their own.
Every single time you remove the burden from the shoulders of your sons and daughters and place it on your own, you lessen them. Every time you try to stop your husband from making the kids, again, especially the sons, do something you are afraid of and nervous about, you interfere with his duty and gift of fatherhood.
Boys especially need dads to show them how to be men. To my way of thinking, and evidenced by the crap going on in the world, we have a serious problem with manhood in this world. People can throw out all kinds of causes, from women’s lib gone wild to trans and gay advocates taking over the mindset of weak people, to lack of moral and religious teaching in the home. Lots of others, most valid to varying degrees.
But I submit to you that nothing is more damaging to kids, and especially to boys (cut me some slack here, I only had boys!) than a mother who undermines the strength, power, leadership, and resolve of the father of her children. Encourage him when he’s hard on them. Stand united against the whines.
I have one particular well loved grandson whose default mode right now is sing song whiney. Whenever he comes to visit and asks me for something, a treat, a special privilege, whatever, I never give him a yes until he asks with a strong whine free voice. I digress, but it’s a good example!
Make them do the hard things. Show them how, encourage, lead, push, shove, but don’t do it for them. Your job is to raise your kids to fly the coop on their own, as wise as youth can be, as strong and untested life can be at that first foray into the world. To do those things with hope, confidence, and the strength of doing things for themselves.
Never bail them out of failure. Cry your mama tears behind your bedroom door when they fail, but let them fail. And get back up. And fail.
I have come to believe that one of my most important jobs was letting go and not stopping my sons’ failures, just as much as celebrating their successes. It’s still sometimes hard to do that now that they are grown.
One of my sons recently made a comment about a boy’s failure at a certain undertaking. His observation was that the boy had done everything asked of him and nothing above that, which guaranteed his failure.
It was a very proud moment for my husband, and for me. That’s the kind of boy he was, and the kind of man he is, and the kind of father he is.
Each of my sons learned to do the hard things early on in life. One of them has three children, two with autism. He’s a wonderful and loving father to them, but he does not see their autism as an excuse for them to do less than every thing they are capable of, and then more.
Another other son refuses to abandon his step children in the face of barriers, blocks, and hardship after a divorce. Because he knows those kids need him more than ever, and he loves them. Lots of biological fathers would quit.
I am proud of my boys. They did not get those great strengths from a protected childhood. I could never have been that strong on my own. My husband taught me to let them fall, to let them hurt, to help but never do for them.
Today, as we offer you heartfelt good wishes on this Mother’s Day, I tell you, your job isn’t done. Be strong, be an example, and encourage the young parents in your own family to do the hard things. A lot of things, most things, that are wrong in this world started with bad parenting. They need to be fixed the same way.
Almost every day here at the Treehouse people ask what they can do to fix the problems in our country specifically, and the world generally.
My own answer is to be the best mother and grandmother you can be. Just like childhood requires perseverance in the face of struggle and failure, so too does motherhood. Be strong. Be tough. Don’t quit.
You’ll never get the thanks and recognition you deserve and even if you did, you know that’s not what you want. You want the best of life and love and hope and eternity for your kids and family. Fortunately, you have a mighty, mighty power over the outcome. And you will, until the day you die.
The world needs you to use it.
And long may you wave, darlin’! Happy mother’s day! 🙂
Quotes from two of my favorite saints, Monica, and her son Augustine. If you haven’t read the story of St. Monica’s years long struggle to win for God the soul of her son, you’re missing one of the greatest stories ever told. And of course, St. Augustine became one of the greatest thinkers and theologians of all time.
“Put this body anywhere. Do not let care about it disturb you. I ask only this: that you remember me at the altar of the Lord, wherever you may be.” [Confessions 9, 11, 27]
“I closed her eyelids, and sorrow beyond measure filled my heart and would have overflowed in tears. But by a strong effort of will I had no tears. It was not fitting that her funeral should be conducted with moaning and weeping, for such is normal when death is seen as only misery or as the complete end of existence. But she had not died in misery, and death was not her end. Of the one fact we were certain by reason of her character, of the other by our Faith.” [Confessions 9, 12, 1]
Years ago I read about Monica and her son, Augustine; and it’s always encouraging to hear about prodigals returning to God.
One portion of their story remained with me:
>> Mother and son rarely spoke to each other.
Still Monica continued to pray for Augustine after a bishop told her that it was better to talk to God about Augustine than to Augustine about God.
The bishop also told her: “At present the heart of the young man is too stubborn, but God’s time will come.
It is not possible that the son of so many tears should perish.”
Fathers and Mothers — never give up praying, pleading with God for the souls of your children…
I loved my mother very much. We were very close and although one could argue that she protected me too much and babied me as a youth. I will never forget everything she did for me and more importantly how she did it. I try to pass along all of the idioms and lessons she taught me and do my best to do good in her name. She is not with us anymore but she will always be with me.
My Mom is an avid Treeper. She’s not only my mom but one of my best friends and confidants. I love our rants about the current events and what she thinks of it all. Happy Mother’s Day Mom!
Great commentary. Happy Mother’s day.
A wonderful post, Menagerie, but nothing less than I would expect from you! And it’s all true.
Thank you.
Sending this to my 3 children.
Happy Mother’s Day
They will never erase us Mothers
Oh my what a beautiful thread! Your words ring true, Menagerie. I love all the other comments and my heart goes out to Mark & his family. I’m an “adult” daughter orphan now with grown boys, but not yet a grandma. What a crazy world we are living in. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all!
Beautifully said. Happy Mother’s Day, ladies.
Beautiful post! ❤
Happy Mother’s Day!
Always beautiful posts Menagerie and this one is very Awesomely Beautiful.
Thank you Menagerie. That was a great way to start my day. I sent this to my son and my wife. Happy Mother’s Day.
Absolutely beautiful Menagerie….
Happy Mother’s Day!
… a keeper!!!
Menagerie,
You wrote a very good basis to start. I cherish a man who knew a lot of things on human beings: Robert Anson Heinlein. From him:
> Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
> Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep your children short on pocket money — but long on hugs.
> If the universe has any purpose more important than topping the woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I’ve never heard of it.
> If you don’t like yourself, you can’t like other people.
> Always listen to experts. They’ll tell you what can’t be done and why. Then do it
I liked your way.
My heart breaks for Lester Smith, who posted on page 1 of this thread that his beloved wife died last night, on the eve of Mother’s Day. It sounds like she was a wonderful wife and mother and it was a life full of blessings.
I am so sorry Lester. Peace be with you in your sorrow
Beautiful piece, Menagerie. Happy Mother’s Day!
Funny thing, Menagerie … when all those mentally ill Queer FREAKS pretend they’re women … they never lay claim to the characteristics, responsibilities, and loving duties you described about Mothers. They can NEVER become mothers … just play “girly” dress-up … so they’ll NEVER become the woman you describe.
instead, they prance around pretending to be a woman … in hope of obtaining gay sex. That’s it. Pure selfishness. Yeah … “love is love” … self love. That’s all. Nothing of any meaning or value to humanity.
I agree Kenji, with one little quibble. That’s not really self love, it’s self abuse.
Awesome observations.
Mother. Best job in the world. To me, the hardest part is blocking out all the noise and doing what *you* know is best for your family. Trust your own instincts, the wisdom of the ages handed down from our own mothers, because those “Spock” manuals will seemingly change every five minutes.
Babies should sleep on their backs, no, on their stomachs. Infants should cry it out all night, no, answer their cries to give comfort and security.
Feed infants nutritious baby formula, no, breastfeeding is always best. Be a full-time mom, no, leave them in daycare.
I eschewed most of the “wisdom” of the day and devoted much, but not all, of my time to my husband and children. By choice, I didn’t work outside of the home, but I gladly took quiet time for myself whenever I needed to recharge my batteries. (Thank God for mothers helpers!)
I wouldn’t change a thing. I am truly blessed to be a wife, a mom, a sister and a daughter.
My wife and I raised our kids in the 90s and early 2000. Today, with my grandchild, so much of what we did was wrong!
I actually read in a medical journal online that it is not healthy to bathe your baby every day. The guy, supposedly a doctor, said once or twice a week is fine, or LESS if they baby has been in a lake or pool.
Even some doctors have become total morons.
In case anyone doesn’t believe me:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598#:~:text=If%20your%20baby%20or%20preteen%20looks%20pretty%20clean%2C,just%20once%20or%20twice%20a%20week%20is%20fine.
Hey, if they don’t LOOK dirty, they are fine. Show me, in HISTORY, with the exception of a medical condition, where a baby’s skin has been damaged by washing him/her. This is from a doctor. On a medical site. Freaking idiots.
Those springy jumper seats that hung inside doorways were the best! My babies loved hopping up and down in them. I’m sure they’ve been ‘outlawed’ by now!
My mother passed in July ’22, so this is my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. I miss her tremendously as well as my Father, but know they are forever in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ.
My Mother was my rock and someone I could always rely on for support as I raised my children. She was always there, the best sounding board any daughter could ask for, she told me what I needed to hear, not what I always wanted to hear. And I tried hard to emulate that style with my own daughter.
This morning, I received a message from my 30 year old daughter and will share it:
Mom,
I couldn’t possibly begin to explain how much you mean to me. You’re my absolute best friend, my protector, my biggest supporter, my motivational speaker, and my confidant. You brought me into this world and taught me so many things. How to love myself and others, how to seek answers to hard questions, how to seek truth, and double down on what’s right even when It’s unpopular. How to show kindness when needed, and strength in hard times. You taught me how to stay optimistic in the face of failure, and to keep moving in life when it’s easier to lay down. You taught me that life can be hard, but you can never let it break you, and that you can always punt in the 4th quarter when things go sideways. You taught me that with just a little bit of thinking, there’s a solution to most problems. You have always had an answer for me, no matter what the question. I am the woman I am today because you are the woman that you have always been. You are my hero.
What an awesome feeling of knowing when you got something right.
My mom, gone just four months, but it seems like yesterday and forever, all at once. Love your Mother while you have her!❤️💕❤️
Very beautiful post, Menagerie! Thank you. Happy Mother’s Day!
Happy Mother’s Day to all our Great Moms around the world and especially at the Treehouse
I was able to be with my Mom on her last Mother’s Day, twenty years ago this month. Toward the end of the month, her life began ebbing away. I held her hand and as she began to surrender, I could see her looking at something. I asked her what she saw…she mouthed the word ‘Heaven’.
I’m 71 now…and still not sure about a lot of things in this life. But, this I know — what my Mom saw on her final day was real and I know she’s waiting for me. And if my Savior sees fit to welcome me, it will not be because of anything I’ve done. Rather, because I trusted in Him, and also because he allowed me to be the son of a very special and good woman who helped steer me on that right and narrow path.
God bless you, Mom!
You speak of not being overprotective of boys, but I say don’t be overprotective of girls, either. Sure, protect them when necessary, but don’t sissy them. I believe we’re seen enough of the sissyfication of both sexes–safe spaces, whiney bullies, men who think they’re women, women who think they’re men, etc. etc.
And, by the way, for all who think there is no “parenting book”: Of course, there is! It’s called the Bible, and Father God has dealt with every kind of parenting situation known to humans.
Someone wished one of my male colleagues “Happy Mother’s Day” today.
He was appalled though did not have your iron skillet handy. Happy Mother’s Day, Menagerie!
Menagerie,
Outstanding in every way, thank you!
My Mom is the single most amazing person I’ve ever known. And I’ve know some truly amazing people.
It is with great respect that I tell you, you and Mom would get along mighty, mighty fine!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Beautiful, encouraging words, Menagerie – thank you!
My youngest son is in his forties, and like you, my hardest “mother” job is – to let go and keep my mouth zipped.
To give him grace to make his choices – just as the Lord gives us His grace to make ours…
Love these words from famous 1865 poem of William Ross Wallace:
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world…
🌷🌷
I have become teary-eyed reading all of these tributes. Happy Mother’s Day!
Outstanding!
I adore my grandmothers and their friends, you too Menagerie.
Thank you for writing this. Happy Mother’s day to all.
Happy Mother’s Day, Menagerie.
Thank you for your thoughtful words of Mother’s Wisdom!
Beautiful post. Happy Mother’s day to all women who have nurtured children. For a long time I was an aunt and godmother and later a substitute teacher. After 10 years of marriage by the grace of God we adopted a son. His mother in very trying circumstances chose life. I m always grateful to her and remind my son that she was heroic. God in his great wisdom created women and motherhood. This cannot be undone no matter the pathetic efforts of those trying to erase us.
I tell my son that because of him I get to be called “mom”. He tells me that because of me he gets to be called “son”. He loves the sound of it.
And for the record I learned how to be a mother from my own who was a spectacular one. There were many other women in my life who were examples. I am grateful for them. The supreme example is Our Lady and my mother pointed that out often. She still helps me today. You are right that our job never ends.
“I’ll smack you with my cast iron skillet.” THAT was Grandma! If you got on her bad side, Dear Jesus, forgive me of my sins! She would waggel that skillet at you, but she never used it. She wore a “king switch” in her apron like a sword. One that she made me cut.
But when I was in the Navy and my ship was endangered and the lives of our crew, it was Grandma and my dear mother who went to the Lord for our souls.
It was my mother and a loving aunt who saw to it I found the Lord. Without the women in my life, I would not be here today. My wife has taught me so many lessons, not the lest being, how to love, and how to he patient.
And for these who blessed my life, I thank the Lord God for each of them
Managerie – wishing you and all other mothers a fantastic Mother’s Day.
My sister’s best friend got pregnant at 17. It was a scandal at the time but she did end up marrying the father. My mother, a devout Catholic her whole life, gave this young girl a little baby shower – not caring what anyone else thought but did it out of a sense of compassion. It was a kindness our friend has never forgotten. Mom showed that us even if we make mistakes in life, there are people who will help and support. She valued life and wasn’t afraid to show it.
Another time, an elderly neighbor of ours had a caregiver who fell in love with a Navy fellow. The sailor broke her heart then she tried to commit suicide. In those days, you were admitted to a hospital for 30 days for observation. Mom asked me if I was willing to go with her to visit this gal and I did. When we sat with her, all this poor soul could do was sob. Mom held her hand and let her know that someone cared about her and didn’t want her to hurt herself. That day was another time my mother taught me how to show compassion to someone truly broken and suffering. Sometimes, all it takes is that one person who cares that gets you through one more tough day, and another, till things start to look up.
A few years ago, I had a friend clam Catholics because of how they had treated the family of a mentally ill person who had committed suicide. I know not all situations are ideal and sometimes our religious (priests, pastors, etc) don’t always say or do the right thing But the way I was raised, you couldn’t just count on religious/clergy to show you what it meant to be a Christian.
I feel like I had the best teacher in the whole world – my mother. She quietly and demonstratively showed what it is like to have Christ as a light in your life.
Thanks Menagerie for another great essay. I’ve passed it on to a lot of people.
You truly cannot underestimate the power of a mother and a father.