Special note: I’m very sorry if I have confused you guys. Sundance is a good friend, not my husband. My husband isn’t part of the Treehouse crew, and he has no idea about the stuff I write unless it’s something about the grandkids I might show him.
This weekend we celebrate our 46th anniversary. Okay, we’ll celebrate later, my tough guy is at the races with a bunch of other tough guys. Believe it or not, I’m okay with that. These guys work hard and deserve their annual weekend. I think guys need times like that, and I happen to be a huge fan of toxic masculinity.
A few weeks before I turned 18, I met this really captivating guy who was good looking, strong, kind, and most attractive of all to me, not afraid to follow his own path in the face of teenage peer pressure. He was matter of fact about his family ties and his religion, at a time when most teens were way too cool for that stuff.
He had been working a hard physical job in the summers for a number of years, and he’d developed real toughness already. Mental and physical, the kind that does not come cheap. He was humble, and cared about people. He’s always been a people person, while I’m much more reserved.
From the very first, he saw me. He saw deeper than a pretty young girl, confused and unsure, but very opinionated nonetheless. He saw me. And came to love me anyhow.
We were married the summer after our graduation. We became parents, three sons born to us in the next five years, during the worst economic times faced in my lifetime, with the exception of now, of course.
Those early years were very hard. There were times when I drove our little Pinto along the road late at night while he walked the ditches to find coke bottles. We took them in for gas money to get him to work. In spite of that, the first winter we were married he gave his coat to an old homeless man we knew, knowing full well we couldn’t buy him another one. I fell even more in love with him at that moment.
Like most all old married couples, we’ve had lots of good times, and plenty of bad ones. Spending the years with a man who won’t break has made them much better for me, and for our sons. He is a rock, and through it all, he’s never once faltered. Never complained, never been tempted to give up, never known defeat, because defeat does not exist in his world.
This weekend I honor a man among men. Dear God, please give us more of them. We really, really need them right now.
And they make great fathers, passing on that strength. God bless them all. Here’s to you, tough guys. Thanks for all you do.
Happiest of anniversaries! Blessings for many more! I too love & am thankful for my own man who is full of toxic masculinity!
As am I and I know that I am blessed because of it.
great article; describes my dad as well.
37 years here. A view from the other side: it is undeniable how in some ways subtle yet in other ways overt is the influence of a good woman on a good man. Truly symbiotic and complementary in the best possible way. Exactly what is needed by children.
I can rely on her, and she on me. I am what I am in part because of her.
We are strong independently and still stronger together.
We dont need being told what to do. We know what to do. And this is why the government wants to destroy us.
I believe that women, in their best exercise of their own strengths and abilities, have been a civilizing and educating, loving force in the world. Which does not mean I think women shouldn’t have careers, or be cops, or doctors, or do most things they want to do. And I think that feminism’s utter rejection of the beauty and power in women has really messed with families, society, and men. Not to mention hurt women themselves.
I couldn’t agree with you more.
I agree…without the calming influence of a good woman men are beasts at their core….very few would be tamed without the strong hand of a woman
I wouldn’t go that far. We are certainly capable of being beasts. Here is how I explain it:
Men, being larger and more heavily muscled, do the fighting / hunting / killing. Imagine the following scenario: the bear is trying to get into the cave to eat your babies. Men needed the ability to indulge the following train of thought. “Yes, the bear weighs 900 pounds, has 6 inch claws that would tear my head off with one swipe, and could fit my entire head in its mouth without straining, but me, Okk and Oooog over there have got pointed sticks, the women are in the back of the cave shrieking and trying to cover the babies with their bodies, and there’s no one else to do anything so it’s on us. I like this plan! Let’s effing do it!”
Age, parenting and yes the civlizing influence of others help us mostly ignore this thinking. Mostly.
Don’t try “strong hand” with me, it won’t go well.
We really need many more families like yours too.
Happy Anniversary to you both.
Happy Anniversary!
A beautiful story.
The country would be a better place with more people like you.
Sadly, so many have abandoned their faith, and the love, strength, and stability a marriage passes on to their children. It plants the seeds of success for the next generation.
Have a great weekend!
Amen
Thank you. My husband is in your writing ; a rock. You can count on him whatever.
We too recently celebrated our 46th anniversary in difficult circumstances. This last year has been proven why we are still a good team.
Happy Father’s Day to your rock Menagerie.
Happy Father’s Day to all Treeper fathers.
Lovely post. May all of us men aspire to tough & strong in the Lord. Here’s tough guy Brazillian cop at Corpus Christi procession:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FVbx-A4akAAeB63?format=jpg&name=small
Thank you so much, Menagerie! God Bless you!
And also, thank you for the note that Sundance isn’t your husband. I was one of the ones who believed you were married! So let’s celebrate all the great, real men out there!
IMHO Sundance is worthy of a place with Sobran,Reese, Buchanan, & Francis. Those are the four greatest Paleo-Conservative/Populist writers.
Agree with your observations.
However I think even Sundance might “chuckle” at your note about SD outsmarting the WordPress leftists. Recalling what he wrote about the effort at that time, and what he and his team went through…it may be a real stretch to say he did it “with ease.”
I think it was in fact extremely difficult and mentally challenging to save the CTH website in such short time (remember they only gave him a week or two notice before they were going to disable the entire site).
Denizen here since just before PDJT announced and it has been a terrific run….much exchange and learning has occurred along with enlightening conversations along the way
What a beautiful tribute to your husband, Menagerie. And yes, we do need more men like your husband.
Congratulations!! May you continue to enjoy the blessings of our glorious God. My ‘tough guy’ is not what most would think of as a tough guy. He is a hard worker and wants to ‘do it right’. He works diligently as he has become the “Mr. Fix-it” in retirement. The son in laws tractor, his bible study buddies riding mower, his fishing buddies car and now cleaning up his 20 year old jag for the first grandson!! Most of all………….as you said…”He saw me”! Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!
Happy Anniversay Menagerie, may God continue to Bless you and your family for years to come….
Hey there ‘maus! I’ve been wondering how you are. Any new projects?
Yep! Have a dollar for gas, twenty cents for two Cokes. Hanging clothes on the outside line for drying. Feed sack material for clothes making. Taking in Ironing for funds. Hauling hay for a penny a bale. Milking forty head on cows by hand. No A/C and very few power tools. No power steering or automatic transmission. Heat from a wood stove, became Kerosene, became Propane…NO A/C. Raised own meat, slaughtered own meat. Canning corn, green beans, tomatoes etc. Winter time, hot chocolate, sleigh rides, a few neighbors, fun times.
Therefore, May I suggest, the powers that be take this man made induced Pandemic, Food Shortages, fear mongering, political stupidity etc for their agenda and shove it! You all got nothing and we shall see you defeated. We have lived through H….and survived, measure your rope. We will be using it.🇺🇸☕️🍩🙏
Well said my friend!
Powerful! Says it all.
Happy Anniversary! I have a message for all of you.
I was fortunate to have two very toxic men in my life. One to whom I was married for 47 years but who passed away in 2018. He was 16 years older but I was happy to be able to take care of him through his bout with alzheimers.
Then my marine came along who pulled me out of the hole of depression I was in at that time. Unfortunately I lost him too after just three wonderful years, not long enough.
Love ’em ladies because you never know when they might leave a hole in your life because they leave BIG EMPTY holes. Treat them like the special men they are. Be kind, be nice, never go to bed mad, never reprimand him in public, never yell at him like so many harridans do these days. Appreciate what you’ve got.
They don’t make ’em anymore.
God Bless you and your family! What an inspirational story! Continue walking with Christ!
America was made by tough guys. What a lucky girl you are!
A superb Anniversary and Father’s Day card!
The best news is children raised in such a family are enriching our world. Thanks to you both.
(Don’t worry about that Sundance relationship confusion thing. I discovered that here, we are all family.)
Happy Anniversary! Beautiful story. Yes we need more strong men.
Menagerie, Terrific post and Happy Anniversary with many more to come!
37 years here and, of course, the rollercoaster of difficult and wonderful times…wouldn’t change my decision.
Happy Father’s Day to all!
Great post! Happy Anniversary!
Outstanding post!
Such a lovely tribute to your husband — a pleasure to read.
I’ll never forget my Dad’s sacrifice – he came from very hard economic times in Western PA, lied about his age to enlist in the Navy and the recruiter was kind enough to go along. A uniform, roof, and 3 meals were a very big deal for him. Then WW2 (Pearl Harbor) and Korea. My Dad loved the Army – it gave him everything: The honor of serving, discipline, pride, friends, a career. My Dad honored my mother. He passed his traits on to me and I am forever grateful.
Big fan of Pennsylvania here. Long standing early 1700’s ties to there. More recently visited some of the sites of the Continental Army’s campaign against the Iroquois and saw the re-enactment of the biggest battle of the campaign. Sadly most of the signage & sites have been forgotten and neglected. Beautiful state. Slainte friend
Tough guys built America. We must never forget those tough, courageous guys!
Happy Anniversary!
“Tough Guy” will probably get moist eyes when he reads this great tribute from his wonderful wife.
Great post, M!
Happy Anniversary! Our 46th is next month and we started ours with a Pinto too.
There is nobility in a man who sticks with his faith, his family, and his commitments. Congratulations to you and your husband on making a marriage work through all the times of your life. Happy Father’s Day to all the men who shouldered the role of fathers and helped to love children into adulthood.
You are right. We need more like them.
Menagerie, he is graced to have you and you him!! A perfect reminder of male toxitcy! Much love to you both. I cried reading this knowing I raised a son thru turbulent times and on my own at a young age! I surrounded him by strong males..hard workers, caring men! He was graced with a Lions heart and every strength worthy of a Great man!! Sometimes to tough to break. I tell him often…he made it easy for me to be his Mom!! He reminds me I was the best Dad!! I thank God for Good men!!
Thank you so much for your beautiful story❤
Happy Anniversary!!
Beautiful story of a life together. But I tend to believe, tough guys need equally tough gals, for the partnership to flourish. Happy Anniversary!!
Good comment about the “tough gals” Covertly Astute.
I know this is a thread for a well deserved tribute to the “toxic males” in our lives.
I wish we could come up with a phrase for the strong women who have made us and our communities and our country what it is.
” Strong female” is ok but something that emphasized the feminine part more would be nice along with being strong.
And long may you both wave, Menagerie. Lasting love is based on trust and loyalty and it is clear from your wonderful words here that you both revere those essential qualities. Good on you!!
Thank you Garrison. I pray for you and your wife.
🙂
Beautiful story of what builds a nation. A nation is not built by untrustworthy politicians that send American jobs to the enemy of America.
Thank you.
Happy Anniversary!
Replying to your last sentence, yes they are. But in the end, by the grace of God, tough guys win. Some of them might not get to see the win, but they continue to believe. And fight.
I love the story of your own tough guy. Two of our sons have brought us grandchildren through their marriages and we sure are blessed by those kids, just as we are the ones we got to meet when they were born.
Great post! Happy Anniversary!
Reading this Menagerie made me think of my dearly departed Dad. Combat wounded vet. Hardest working man I ever knew.
Thank you for that and for your inspiring story of your husband and marriage.
Salutations to all
“ he has no idea about the stuff I write unless it’s something about the grandkids I might show him”…Well Menagerie, this one you wrote he must see. (Although, he likely knows you think he ‘hung the moon’. And my husband was right there with him.)
Happy Anniversary. You write beautifully.
Thank you M,
What an inspirational read.
My wife and I are with our two sons their wives and our three grandsons on a weekend away.
As I plonk away at this, two of them 1 year and 2 years are having a messy breakfast with me.
Your words have added to the experience.
Cheers, from British Columbia!
Happy Father’s Day to all Dad’s here !
Ah, those great memories Menagerie! Happy, happy anniversary; may you be blessed with many more.
52 years here in December. We had to wait for deer season to end to have a wedding in 1970.
Then 2 babies, 1 car, 1 job, 1 TV, 1 radio, 1 record-player and clotheslines of diapers, homemade clothes for the babes recycled from our worn out clothing, and lots of knitting everything else. The Carter years were really tough But we had a steady income and a vegetable garden, fishing, and hunting deer and rabbit, and woodchuck made for an interesting diet.
We didn’t worry about baby formula, woke this or that or frozen potato products. We walked to the egg-lady’s house and the farmer’s down the road to keep us stocked with eggs and milk. I learned to cook from scratch at a very young age; we made do with what we had on hand.
Vacations were very rare but we had a group of friends in similar situations that we bonded with and some we are still in touch with today.
That was a long time ago and a completely different world.
It was the world of hard work, common sense, thriftiness, and using your brain, rather than a device to calculate a complex math formula and your signature was uniquely yours, signed with pride.
The 20th century!
Amen
Happy Anniversary! True love is beautiful. I too am married to a tough guy. He is putty in the hands of his sons and grandchildren, honest, hard working, smart and humble. We’ll celebrate our 46th later this year. I thank God every day for him and all men like him.
I just read this to my husband who is recovering from a leg injury after his lawn tractor turned over.
His response, “What a stud!”
Yes.
And his response to you after I read your reply, “What a sweetheart.”
He was touched. And I have tears. Thank you Sat0.
I loved wallowing in my hubs toxic masculinity….and I gladly now take care of him as he has taken care of me and the children for 32 years…..he is a wonderful man even after all of the strokes
Thanks, you made this tough guy choke up, your story is similar to ours. Thank you.
Really nice article. Your writing is beautiful and finely crafted. (I’m a former tech writer so, ahem, I know good writing when I see it).
I could never understand why people thought you were Sundance’s wife…you never said anything to indicate that. Guess you are a woman and you write posts that are published here so you must be Sundance’s wife?
Thank you for the complement, it means a lot.
When I was in the seventh grade in a public school in one of the poorer parts of town, I had an English teacher who taught us to write. The first week of school she told us we were going to start from scratch with her. Learn to write a good sentence, a good paragraph. Then she’d have us write some one page papers, letters, personal and business. This included properly addressing the envelopes, a thorough discussion of salutations and the complimentary close of the letter.
Later we wrote five page reports, usually on the countries we studied in her geography class, or perhaps some of the political figures of the time, the Vietnam War era. Pol Pot was one of them, for example. Finally, before the middle of the school year, we started a college level research paper which was to be turned in before the end of the school year and would be a huge percent of our final grade.
We had to submit our idea to her for approval, and then a formal outline. We also had to submit notes and bibliography index cards for her to approve our sources. The final paper had to be a specified length, submitted with a cover sheet, in a strict format (all handwritten, we were all to poor for typewriters) and with that bibliography page. I got an A-, and it was the hardest project I ever worked on. It was particularly hard to get her to approve our sources, so we all had to go back to the downtown library frequently and dig a little harder.
Later my husband and I worked hard to send our kids to parochial schools (the boys themselves worked hard and helped pay for it too) and they were never taught to write like that, not even in high school. I tried to push them to write better on the projects they brought home, the papers they had to write, but it didn’t always take because their teachers didn’t care usually.
Yes, it sounds like you went to public school when they still taught things like reading, writing, and arithmetic. I also went to public school and a state university and I received a quality education from kindergarten, to my BA.
Now, if I had kids, I would home school and teach them the basics at least. Kids today don’t even know how to write their names and just yesterday in a small grocery store one cashier said she didn’t understand what it meant to balance your bank account! OMG, we are lost.
I will bet that cashier could not count the change back to her customers from the total amount received, without the aid of the computer.
I am sure you are right.
51 years this year for me.
How blessed I have been by my husband also.
Been ups and downs,4 kids,10 grandbabes,and God has blessed us with time.
I pray for more:-)
How wonderful ,how loving a tribute to your husband.
Toxic,ahh love my toxic masculine,manly man…:-)
God Bless
The man is very fortunate to have such a loving wife….God Bless.
Amen.
You brought tears to my eyes.
I lost my dad when he was 103 years old.
I miss him EVERY DAY
When I was younger and immature…I wanted to date the “hottest” girls…I soon realized that they were shallow, immature, not smart, couldn’t carry on a conversation. But they were attractive. On a scale was shooting for 9’s or 10’s. I wasn’t wealthy but was getting there.
I soon realized that I dated them because I was seeking approval from my friends…wanted to be the big stud bagging the hot girls. Not happy with them, just wanted them on my arm.
Upon the revelation, I sought out solid girls, good families, church going, educated, ambitious, not wealthy but good values and we could share the same conversations and thoughts. Not 10’s in looks, but a solid cute girl.
And I’m happy to say i found her and have been married 38 years.
Congrats…