h/t WeeWeed
Listen,
bear spray
DOES NOT
work like bug spray.We would like to not have to say that again.
— Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation (@OKWildlifeDept) May 23, 2022
This made me think about really dumb things I’ve seen people say or do over the years. You know, the ones that are just a head and shoulders above the usual.
While I’m quite sure every profession has their own share of stupidity, years of working in retail management left me convinced that a huge number of people have no common sense whatsoever, and as most of us know, common sense is often inversely related to IQ. And education!
Here is perhaps my all time favorite unbelievably dumb story. You’re going to think I’m making this up, and it was an attempt at a joke, or someone trying to aggravate me. I promise you, it wasn’t.
Before I went into retail sales and then management, I sold building materials wholesale. My favorite part of that was selling millwork, in particular high end windows and doors like Marvin and Kolbe & Kolbe. There are dozens of details that must be exactly right when dealing with a large custom order of windows and doors, and any mistake can result in the windows not fitting, or other costly problems. Because of the complexity and expense of Marvin orders, most of my retailers simply refused to deal with their own customers and always had me deal directly with the orders.
One of the lumber yards in town had a guy who just wasn’t too bright, and he was kind of treated like the unpopular kid in school by his fellow salesmen. He was a challenge to deal with because he had a way of making errors happen and also promising his customers things that could not be delivered. I wish now, looking back, that I’d been more patient with him, not that I was cruel or unkind. But he sure made my job extra hard. Anyhow, there’s no one left after thirty plus years to harm in an anonymous story.
One job he sold had a pair of french doors in the great room. They were to be placed at the end of the long room, one on either side of a center fireplace, so naturally there was one of each hand. A few days after the order was delivered he called me in a panic, insisting I meet him at the job site to discuss a major problem with the contractor. When I asked him what the problems was, he told me the doors were the wrong hand, both of them.
I never did find out for sure if the contractor and his employees were as dumb as the salesmen or making him the butt of a bad joke. Of course I suspect the latter, but I worked with some really, really dumb contractors too.
I can’t tell you how many times they came in to Home Depot and told me they needed to know how much siding they needed for a 2,000 square foot house. Or how many roof shingles, also giving me square footage without roof pitch and other pertinent information.
Share your best stories, be they professional or from some other walk of like. It’s time to toss a little fun in the day.
Great thread!
We used to make the worms climb the derrick and “grease the crown” every day, when they first hired out, until the realized they were being made the object of our cruelty.
I had a boss say it wasn’t a problem to sell product(s) below cost because we’d make up the difference in volume of sales for the product(s).
I’m guessing that boss went on to become a government economist?
Perfect
not sure if this qualifies as dumb on anyone’s part. when heavy equipment manufacturers started putting radio’s in excavator’s and dozer’s, they gave the union operator’s a three hour college course every day in the failure’s of socialism, at the hand’s of rush limbaugh.
I once asked a young waitress in a pizza parlor if she could have my pizza cut into 6 pieces. I told her, “I just can’t eat 8 pieces!”
She said, “I’ll ask but I’m pretty sure they always come out cut into 8 pieces.”
I worked at Ted Drewes Frozen Custard in St. Louis on one of those 100 degree days. Concretes (frozen custard mixed with just flavoring) were one of our specialties, and when the customer’s order was ready we turned it over upside down to show how thick it was. My customer came back to my window a few minutes later and said he turned his over so his friend back at the car could see. It fell out. It didn’t dawn on me til later that I should have just gotten another one for him and told him not to turn it over again since frozen custard melts too fast in 100 degree weather.
I had a 9th grade teacher who – no kidding – was so smart he was dumb! He had no common sense but boy he sure knew his algebra…lol….
I also had a salesman, one of 8. He also had ADD that just like hunting rabbits who run in a large circle he would start off every conversation with a lie but eventually within a few minutes he would get to the truth but he had a gift. When dispatched on his two to three sales calls to customers homes – I own a small exterior remodeling business – he would not only sell almost every lead he was given but would also leave one house and literally walk down the street to every neighbor who’s home needed an improvement and knock on their doors and cold-call-sell them as well. He sold 3 times what everyone else sold with one little problem – he over-promised what the one product he liked to sell. Many of the other sales reps used to make jokes about him because of the problems his sales created however, I simply hired another female to call all of his customers back and walk back through what was on the agreement and set-right any embellishments he made. Nice guy, made big-bucks in commissions because of his ADD….lol…
Sundance and Treepers, I will share a hilarious story about life in the hard workplace. People still have great humor, in the toughest of jobs.
So, I was a salesman for a company in Fresno, CA, back in the mid-80’s. We manufactured super sturdy and stackable corrugated cardboard boxes for all of the fruit farming operations in Fresno County. It was a massive enterprise. Anyway, we had these machines that could make produce boxes at an incredible rate. One problem though was when the machines had a glitch, they would throw a belt full of steel staples. These staples were U shaped and were 2 inches long. One out of every 100 would land perfectly upright, presenting a danger to truck tires. So we employed these two Mexican brothers to just go around the yard and truck routes all day long, to locate and sweep up these far flung staples. That’s all they did for 8 hours a day, sweep, sweep, sweep. The busted their asses every day, all day.
So one day, it was lunch time and I was filling my company car up with gas at the pump in the yard. Across from the pump island was the the east wall of the giant warehouse that housed the box machines. So at noon, it was shady there and all of the workers sat on the asphalt,leaning against the wall as they ate their lunches.
As I was topping off my tank, I noticed this gigantic street sweeper come through the gates. It was monstrous, obviously privately owned.
Suddenly, Salvador, who was the foreman of the yard puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles an incredible high pitch at the two sweepers, and then says something in Spanish that I couldn’t quite pick up from my vantage. Anyway, all of the guys against the wall, eating their lunches started hysterically cackling and falling over. The were on their bellies,smacking their hands on on the ground in pure uncontrollable laughter. It went on for minutes. Finally I screwed that gas cap back on and the I pulled my car next to Salvador. The guys were still laughing in the background, and I asked him what the hell did he say to those poor sweepers that was so funny?
Sal just smiled and pointed to the street sweeper and said, “I just wanted to let them know that their Mother was here”
As hard as I ever laughed in my life. F***ing Sal!!
True story.
Thanks, great story and I’m glad you told it to us even if it didn’t quite fit in with the “dumb” ones!
I couldn’t help but think that it would have been really great if somewhere out of the fog an airport maintenance guy had showed up and told you all about the FOD (foreign object damage) sweepers in common use. One man pulling one of the smaller magnetic ones and the other with a broom taking care of the nooks and crannies would have really sped your two guys up!
Magnetic drone and an I-Robot.
You wouldn’t happen to know John Atwood?
Sounds familiar. But can’t recall.
A long time ago working in the deposit processing department at a fairly large bank. (We processed all the deposits coming from all the branches, and using the 10key machines put the magnetic ink on the bottom of deposits and then ran all the checks to ensure they add up to the total of the deposit)
Well one of my employee’s decided to use a get rich quick scheme, and decided to put their deposit slip in instead of the customers. They ran all the checks into their account. Well there was code to check for deposits of employee’s accounts to validate that they were not doing this type of thing. Long story short we found out later that night after the employees went home. The best part was the employee was so smart they decided to show up to work the next day. The FBI was waiting for them at the entrance.
Another time at that same bank, the FBI showed up to discuss some ATM fraud with possibly one of my employees. They wanted to show me the picture taken at the ATM and see if it was the person with the ATM account. Well the ATM pic was a silloette basically black and white since the sun was in the background. It was a tall slender person. The employee that had the ATM account was heavy set and short. When I pointed to the employee for the FBI to look they agreed the photo was not of her. So the FBI had nothing to go on. But the pic was of a really tall and abnormally slender person, which looked just like the ATM account holders friend. That was not enough for the FBI to prove anything and they left. This was back in the 90’s so photos are probably much better now a days.
I received a call one afternoon from my wife (now ex-wife, but not because of this) that she was at a Mall in the far northeast of a very large county in upstate New York. She had locked her keys in the car, had our two kids with her, and a bunch of shopping also. As my office was in the far southwest of the same county, it took me roughly 45 minutes to get there. I told her to go back in Mall, and wait, I’d be there as soon as I could. When I arrived she was sooooo upset, as the kids (both very young) were giving her a hard time about going home. I walked up to the car, and the keys were very plainly hanging in the ignition, with the drivers door locked. I walked around the car, and simply opened the passenger door – seeing as how it was UNLOCKED! We never had that problem again!
Back about 35ish years ago I was the purchasing agent for a large oilfield equipment manufacturing company. I kept a small radio on all day for quiet “racket” while I worked and I had a young assistant that would come in the afternoon to keep up with filing and whatnot because most of my time was spent on the phone or up and down the halls to the CFO or president’s office (as I quite often had my OWN stupid questions.) Anyway one afternoon I rounded the corner into my office to find my girl all mad and flustered and she said “Wee!!! Come listen to this a$$hat on the radio!” I walked over there and asked her what was going on and she said “Who IS this to dare cover Van Halen’s ‘Pretty Woman?’ (I guess Van Halen was big at the time – what do I know? I had it on country moldy-goldies) Anyway, I enlightened her that the a$$hat was a kid from West TX named Roy Orbison and he wrote the damthing. Good laffs were had by all!
Aww man… embarrassing story of my own really dumb moment.
I’m a blonde female, so I fit that stereotype, ha! Especially with this story.
I was in a coffeeshop in MA, right by the coast, with my husband (bf at the time) and some friends talking about summer plans.
It was suggested that we should go to Maine for vacation. I lean over to my hubby and ask, “Is there ocean in Maine?”
Unknown gentleman putting creamer in his coffee, looks over at us and says, “M’am there is about 300 miles of coastline in Maine,” as my company all start laughing at me.
Yeah, I didn’t think that through…
My first wife was Blonde and extremely smart with a savage wit. She collected blond jokes. Heaven help the guy telling blond jokes as she would finish the joke every time send send the guy off with his tail between his legs. LOL!
Lol!
Much profound insight, “Is to be found within my observation on current woke Corporate America.”
To extrapolate, “The central governing factor of all types of such outcomes are directly proportional to the inability to call out this incompetence.”
This is due to the risk management conclusions(lawyers) that are based in Human Resource Management theories that most corporations have employed.
I.G, the educational basis of Human Resources Management is based on faulty theories of the profession.
That are being taught within the our educational institutions at the PhD level.
Pure capitalism requires the ability to cut this dead wood. However, the profession of Human Resource Management that has been ingrained in corporate America as a professional practice has completely surrendered to the educational institutions that provide this expertise.
Meaning, the bottom line is quickly confronted with the prospects of labor ligations in any ability or attempt to cut this dead wood(incompetence).
In essence, “Our current Human Resource Management in corporate America is very much fearful of ligation in calling out incompetence, “Due to the cost of this litigation.”
E.G., “It is cheaper to surrender to these HR theories than it is to fight these types of battles.”
Eventually, “What it all comes down to, is to cut this incompetence.”
“Quickly folds back upon those that hired them.”
In so much it is not their fault. Which quickly becomes a circle the wagons to protect the profession.”
Just ask Enon why he is so hated?
Could it be, “He has zero tolerance for the promotion of incompetence as a CORPORATE ENTITY.
Hmmm…
My point is once a corporation has hired an incompetent functionary, the entire process of removing this functionary essentially becomes a risk management prospective(again allied lawyers enter the picture) of removing someone within labor related safe guards from the payroll as advocated by corporate HR(again their faulty premises)
That is a cost of, “That has a six ways to Sunday shake down avenues to proceed.”
Such is the level PhD Human Resources Education prospects of corporate America.
This educational indoctrination in Human Resources education is entirely based on Marxist terms( and is not occurring within the goal of providing capitalist HR endeavors of qualified personnel but geared towards providing HR personnel of that those that been vetted through an educational process seeking to eliminate capitalist voices from the educational process of the profession.
That is in my wholesome opinion and reflective of , “Of the invasive nature of Marxism have taken total control of our educational institutions.”
To say, “We are doomed is an understatement.”
This has been going on for so long that, “To say PDJT was a Revelation to the apperences social order.”
Is to beg the question just when did corporate America start to sell us out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Yes the defining contrary POV is, “Long before the escalade ride of 2016.”
If some are so apt to believe, “PDJT walks on water.” Then I ask why does every public picture of HRC and PDJT look as through she would take a knee to suck his …”
Hmmm.
If the entire crux of his Presidency was based on a counter intelligence operation to unending him, “Then why does every counter intelligence operation end with the advancement of the IC in the driver’s seat!!!!!!!!”
Hmmm!!!!!!
The only explanation that can advance this understanding is the IC requires a FOIL to invert and counter poses the observations of the advancement of their anti- democrat nature.
An honest open easement requires a complete assessment. That is, “Much of corporate Right wing media is actively involved in the promotion of the excessiveness of the LEFT.
Such that these excessives promote an unchallenged leftist advantage.
When was the last time, some leftist outrage coverages by so the called right wing media propagated a massive right wing outrage to take a stand!!
Yet, any slight apon the left saw, “Uninfested coverage by right wing media identifying unopposed leftist bias as being advanced as the norm. AKA Anifata. With ZERO attempts by right wing sources attempting to main steam Antafia as modern day equivalents of Hilter’s brown shirts
JUST WHAT ARE THESE COUNTER Intellectual INTUITIVE possibilities???
My take away is, “The evil geniuses advancing these opposing Left and Right narratives are of the mindset….
“That collectively the outcome is the total collapse of the World as we know it!!!
These people are so insulated from outcomes, “That they see 5+ billion taking a dirt nap as a positive to human evolution.
Absolute EVIL!!!
They are fooling no one. Least of all, “The true arbitrary between mankind and the unknown.
aka God in our lives.
Just stop and think it about for a moment.
“The means to carry out human contingency in terms of providing said contingences. “Are they best served through insolated communities or are they best served through fractured communities based on NOTHING but of non substantial identities that have “Zero biological prospects.”
Thus, God acts accordingly!!!
Yes. And GOD has given us THOUSANDS of years of WARNING to prepare. And as a Collective Whole, Society and Mostly the churches have Utterly and almost completely IGNORED these warnings and have even Made Fun of God and His word, Our Lord AND Savior Jesus Christ. We have this and much more coming to us for denying God so vehemently and NOT fighting the Evil that orchestrated it. The world is ending SOON. ALL of what we see happening is 100% foretold in God’s written word. It saddens me and breaks my heart that So Many I personally know deny God by their actions even while professing Him with their mouths. Many just outright deny Him even after being raised in a “Christian” household. But in America there are So Few Christian households. So few who actually follow Christs commands, only 2. Love God alone as your creator, and love others as yourself. Most do not even know what that phrase means. It means, if you can forgive Yourself of some sin or offense, (big or small) justifying yourself as “righteous” or “deserving” or “entitled” then do that and MORE towards others. Very few I have ever met have shown that type of love towards others, friend, brother or enemy.
America and the world have a God problem, and God is going to fix that problem once and for all, Soon, very soon.
As to the news or media, yes, Sundance has pointed out for Years that Both sides are owned by the same people or groups. They USE the Media to further their purposes.
As to PDJT, I believe he has more love for America and her citizens than 100% of all politicians in the US today. Does he make mistakes? Of course, he is after all Human just like us. Is he right and Honest toward America? Yes, but NO ONE can be right all the time Except God.
Patient to Pharmacist: Doc, these suppositories are causing rectal bleeding!
Pharmacist to Patient: Please remember to remove the foil wrapper before inserting.
Pharmacists have the best stories!
Haha! That is literally why the SIG has to say unwrap and insert! A “Here is Your Sign” moment.
I worked for a high end construction co.. Owners girlfriend, an obnoxious woman, had gone to a business seminar titled “Business is war”. When we were all informed of our new military style format we decided we should have code names on our phones/Nextel. I made hers hemorrhoid…the Forman called me a week after I’d left to tell me that he and the owner were working on an estimate when she barged in to inform them I had this contact and she was going to call to tell them what I called them…her phone started ringing and they all fell on the floor laughing
high school Industrial Arts teacher, damn tough and the best teacher I ever had. this is back in the 70’s when you could walk 4 blocks from the high school to downtown, fetch me a board stretcher or polka dot paint. Some dolt bought it every time and the two hardware stores it town were in on the joke, they were always out of stock, try the other store 5 blocks down
50 feet of flight line, and a left handed monkey wrench, does it every time!
A bucket of galvanized steam? Regular and NOT heavy duty brake fluid.
Relative bearing grease…
Do not forget realtive bearing grease for that flight line. Especially after exposure to galvanized steam.
So many concerns, but like we used to say on the bird farm, That’s the breaks of Naval Air.
My husband as a self employed plumber, taught by his dad learned the hard way there is no such thing as a pipe stretcher.
Not a story, but a video I saw the other night about stupidity (“The Five Laws of Stupidity”) which totally changed my outlook on the world!
Good one. Interesting. Although, I’ve heard the condensed version which goes as follows: There are three types of people in the world:
1) Those that make it happen
2) Those that watch it happen.
3) Those who don’t know WTF just happened.
Ironically, the more people we encounter in life the more we realize there is truth to both the five laws of stupidity and the condensed version of three.
As I listened to this, I couldn’t help but think of our installed president and how well he fits into the stupid category.
Then additionally, toward the end, the narrator does mention that one can teach ignorant people, however, there is nothing that can be done to teach the stupid; in other words, Ron White’s signature observation, “You can’t fix stupid”.
I agree mostly with this video. After looking at the website and viewing other stuff. This is about the only thing I can recommend from there. Then again, I don’t have much interest in Money and that type of thing and it seems that is mostly what they focus on. Being Atheist also makes you Worldly and thus Lost. I guess many will find out the hard way that God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost are as real as you or I. Sad so many will perish over foolish things.
Not an example of someone dumb, but simply the funniest and greatest practical joke I’ve had played on me. While in college I worked construction in the summers, and one summer worked for an electrical contracting company that was subcontracting on an airport expansion. All the work had to be done on the roof, a massive structure that stretched for almost a mile from one end to the other. Our truck had to park about half a mile from the building, making the trek to the actual jobsite on the roof a long one.
We were up on the roof getting materials ready to install, and the boss looks at me and says “Dammit, kid, you forgot the watt gauze. I can’t start this job without the watt gauze! Go fetch it, and make it fast. It should be on the shelf at the rear right of the truck.” Then another electrician yells, “No, its at the front of the truck on the left”, and so on with all the 8 or 10 journeymen electricians telling me someplace else to look. They were all deadly serious, and looked really frantically worried, so of course I ran as fast as I could. The 90 degree heat on top of the asphalt roof certainly didn’t make it any easier.
When I got to the truck, sweating like a pig, I searched every nook and cranny to no avail, I simply couldn’t find any watt gauze. As I turned to exit the truck, there was the entire crew of electricians watching me, each one with a giant grin on his face before they busted out laughing! Of course it then dawned on me that there is no such thing as “watt gauze”!
My wife retired as the Accounts Payable clerk in a manufacturing company. Her replacement is hopeless and my wife was rehired to work a couple days a week to help her. Here’s one of my favorite stories about how she doesn’t pay invoices.
The production floor uses propane forklifts. The propane provider refuses to make deliveries for non-payment. The workers went to a local place who refused to let them charge it because his invoices weren’t paid. So they gave him the corporate credit card. It was declined for non-payment.
I haven’t been a commenter here long but I have been an avid reader for a decade or so and, to that point, this is the most fun I’ve had reading through all the comments.
Kudos to Menagerie for teeing up a tremendous community building post. What a wonderful exploration of the human side of everyone where “to err is human”. Loved all the chuckles.
One-upmanship in self deprecation makes for a most enjoyable exchange. Although the stories of third parties were every bit as entertaining.
Same here Levi….I don’t add much, but I’ve always felt welcome here, and I know I’ve learned a tremendous amount from everyone. They are a wonderful community…..My absolute favorite online site.
Polska? I am Polski (well, half Polski).
Niech Bóg błogosławi
Love your post Levi
I have a million of them from 14 years in a hardware store, but sometimes brevity is best.
Guy came in looking for rope. He selected one of the types we stocked on a big reel, and was sold by the foot. I asked him how long he wanted it. He replied, ” I dunno, what’s an average rope?”
Did you tell him you were afraid not…da-dum dum
Wife and I were shopping for new cabinets to add to our existing kitchen cabinets … pecan colored maple, with a slight grain running top to bottom … salesman shows us a square sample … right color … but as my wife pointed out “the grain is in the wrong direction on the sample” … the salesman, with a poker face, rotates the sample 90 degrees … (I told her to tilt her head …)
Ah, we sure had a good time sending guys for hard to find items in the Navy. Airdales used to send guys for some prop wash, on surface ships a bucket of steam or ten feet of chow line were favorites. But in the electronics shop we used to send guys down to medical for fallopian tubes. My welder buddy was not amused when he returned. Similarly, on a destroyer we were doing annual maintenance on the air search radar cooling system and I sent the new junior tech to the fire room for a BT punch so we could make new gaskets. He figured it out when all the BTs in the boiler control room stood up at the same time. (BT=Boiler Tech). The good old days, my friends!
It seems to happen every tourist season in Yellowstone: someone always insists on taking a selfie with a bull elk near mammoth. I know the rangers would like not to have to say its a REAL bad idea again.
Had to balance accounts for end of day and one auditor couldn’t locate the mistake, so rather than look again he MADE a counter balance voucher to force balance the account and balance the book for end of day reconcilliation.
Not sure but might be illegal🤔
I’m old enough to have forgotten some of the dumba$$ stuff I’ve seen, thank goodness, so I reserve comment.
Went to the candy store and ordered a quarter pound of fudge. The young girl looked confused and said they do not sell it by the quarter pound, just the one fourth pound. I left laughing without the fudge.
same here…….fun passage
Girl I dated was with me walking along a beach in Puerto Vallarta. A wave came up and soaked her shoe on her right foot. They were new shoes and she cursed loudly.
She took off her other shoe and drenched it in the water.
“Why did you do that??” I asked her.
She said, “So, they both look the same.”
I get her….
So do I …… when she puts them back on, because one was wet and the other one was not wet ….. one shoe would be tighter than the other.
Old fashion way to stretch a shoe ….. get it wet and wear it a bit.
I was on my boat on my pond at our campground and had a minnow trap, the kind that is cylindrical with two halves. I mistakenly dropped one half in the pond, and it sank in like 10′ of water. After a moment of reflection, I dropped the remaining half in the same spot.
My son’s junior high football coach was a new science teacher. At a teacher training session, he was given two white mice, a male and a female so he could raise them in the classroom and they could have babies for students to observe. It wasn’t long before baby mice appeared. But soon, he began to be overrun with mice babies, hundreds of them. He was mystified and said he didn’t know where all the mice were coming from. Another teacher had to point out that brother and sister mice didn’t recognize incest. One of the DUH moments!
I grew up in Waynesboro, GA, a small town of 7,500 population in mideastern GA that was known as “The Bird Dog Capital of the World.” Annual field trials (a popular competition for bird dogs) were held at an old 8,000 acre farm named Di-lane Plantation. Bird dog owners from all over the country and Canada would bring their best dogs to compete for the prizes and bragging rights. It was a pretty big affair for such a small rural town with only 4 red lights on the main highway going north and south.
When I was about 18 and working at my Dad’s service station, I had a younger female friend who used to come by to chat on slow days. One day, she followed me as I went out to wait on a gas customer who, as it turned out was just coming into town for the field trials that happened to be going on that week. Our station was on the opposite end of town from where the road to the field trial was located.
After affirming that the customer wanted a fill up, I started pumping. He got out of his car and asked directions to Di-Lane Plantation. Before I could start giving him the directions, my female friend popped up and said, “That’s easy. You just go straight on through town and turn right at the last red light.”
By the way, try to visualize that this is an approximately 15 year old girl talking to an adult male that was probably at least twice her age… But that didn’t slow her down one bit! lol
Not surprisingly, the guy looked a bit confused as he asked, “How do I know when I get to the last red light?”
With a look on her face that said, “Well, duhhh….” my friend popped up again with, “You just keep going until you don’t see any more… and then you turn right.”
That only confused the poor guy even more. I could almost hear the next question his mind was asking: “Is this girl dumb or is it just me?” lol
Of course, my friend thought she had given perfect directions and I didn’t want to embarrass her even though I was laughing my butt off to myself; so, I just kinda smiled at the guy and said, “That’s the 4th red light,” and then proceeded to give him detailed directions how to get to Di-Lane from that point.
I never did tell my friend that if the guy had followed her directions, he would have ended up driving several miles PAST the last red light only to finally figure out he had PASSED it; and then have to drive BACK to it. I just made sure in the future that if she was around when someone asked directions, I spoke up before she did! lol
But on the way back… that would be the first light…
And if he were smart, he’d turn to the wrong side of the road…
I mean, it’s not like I’m requiring an understanding of damped harmonic motion… you know… boing! boing! Boing!
Oh, no. I actually understand damped harmonic motion.
The city of Dallas Texas has its Mayor and City Council, who by the way are all corrupt. The County of Dallas has its own equivalent in the Board of County Commissioners. Years ago in one of their meetings, one of the commissioners had reached his limit of frustration with the delinquency of another commissioner’s department in respond to long-term, repeated requests for certain paperwork and documents to be released. He stood up at the meeting and bitterly exclaimed, “It’s as if the documents have fallen into a black hole!”
Another commissioner instantly leaped to his feet and cried out – wait for it – “RRrrraaaaayyyycciissss!!!” Dallas residents will know this particularly loathsome member as John Wiley Price.
Well, Mr. Price filed suit in civil court against this other commissioner.
AND WON.
The other commissioner was forced to make a public apology at the next meeting, after being branded a racist for using a scientific term.
I don’t know whether this story qualifies as dumbness, or just plain leftist hatefulness, but it exemplifies the nature of Dallas politics, which is every bit wacko left as San Francisco or NYC.
I do not make fun of people’s looks or size. This was a little comical only because she acted so nasty and faulted everyone else. The situation is one I never heard of until it happened. My husband worked as a retail manager. He came home and told me this story.
A very large lady parks in a parking space. The space on her left side was empty. She got out of her car and went shopping. She checked out and went to her car. She couldn’t get into her car. She came into the store raising cain because a car was parked to the left of hers. The car next to her would need to be moved so she could get into her car, because she was so large, she wouldn’t fit.
He had to get the tag number of the car next to her’s and page the customer to move her car so this lady could get herself into her driver’s seat. It took them about 30 minutes to get the other lady to the front of the store. She insisted on finishing her shopping before checking out to go to her car!
The lady who was too large to squeeze herself between the cars and open her door was livid. I bet she never parks when another car is on her left side driver’s door. Sad but true.
Bears are a problem.
My friend and her sister took their elderly mother to see the doctor. Mom was 95.
After the exam, the doctor tells them, “She has hot mama.”
“She what? She has what?” they asked. The doctor repeated, “She has hot mama.”
The sisters looked at each other. This was puzzling, and concerning in a strange way. The doctor was serious. He was not joking at all. “What … what is he saying about our mother?” they asked each other.
At length they understood. I will correct the doctor’s syntax and accent for you in three steps!
She has a hot mama.
Now in British English: She has a haaaaat muh-muh.
Now in American English: She has a heart murmur.
Indeed, they knew Mom had a benign heart murmur. It would have to be benign, she was 95! So the doc was right, but I think he gave the sisters a bit of a jolt for a few minutes there!
I can completely relate. I was once asked for the mail from a Brit and could have sworn he said mayo. 😀
I once had a guy ask me in his southern drawl if I was goin’ to the fire.
I replied “fire”? “ what fire?” He said “you know…the fire”.
I just looked at him with a perplexed look on my face.
Finally he said “the County Fire”.
I’ll share. I did sales, and helped run, a small machine shop for as decade. Then my boss sold it to a bigger outfit, run by guys with big egos and not a whole lot more. We had a nice collection of customers who routinely bought batches of pieces that we had come to be pretty adept at making, with good margins. Within months of their takeover, I was struggling to meet what used to be easy delivery time frames. Our CEO was constantly having sold orders pulled from the CNC’s in order to build runs of prototypes that were not merely unproven concepts, but not even sold. We had to actually rent warehouse space to store pallets of prototype parts that were no better than scrap metal. Eventually the receivers had to deal with it…
I used to send a ton of boxes to Iraq and Afghanistan. I would ask the units what they wanted or needed instead of sending all the usual generic stuff. I got the list and it said the Major liked models. So I went scrounging for appropriate type posters, mags, and a calendar of models, not raunch, but still hot.
When he got his box he couldn’t understand why all the bikinis, he liked putting together models. Airplanes, trains, cars, etc. I felt like an idiot, promptly sent him a box of models. They all got a laugh out of it and assured me the posters and mags made for some happy Joe’s. “Brightened up the place” I was told.
Nevermind… lol
I coach Freshmen and JV Baseball and always joke with my lefties when they come up to bat if they brought their left-handed bat to practice??
I heard hockey announcers laughing about their old playing days and after breaking a stick and going by the bench for a replacement when someone on the bench would hand them a left handed one as a joke. There is a huge difference.
A group of us were joking around with another (not so bright) co-worker about how you can use strong magnets to align the electron guns on a CRT to improve the color alignment. Later that week he had to call in a repairman to fix their TV. Not to mention that their was nothing wrong with his TV in the first place.
My older kid did his college semester abroad in Eastern Europe, so became reasonably fluent in a Slavic language. After college, he ended up briefly working for a small private airline service facility at a small regional airport, doing a wide variety of jobs. One day, he was assigned to drive the fuel truck across the airport to fuel a small jet. As he gets to the jet about 20 minutes later, the rather impatient pilot and nonchalant passenger have gotten out and are standing on the tarmac. As my son drives up, he hears the pilot complaining (in Russian) about my son’s slow driving, low intelligence, and adding some profanity. My son explained (in the other Slavic language) that the speed limit on the tarmac is 15, and they revoke his permission to drive if he speeds. The passenger fell to the ground laughing, and the pilot turned red and started stuttering. Never expected to be understood while speaking Russian on the tarmac in the middle of a pretty remote area in the US.
When serving aboard a sub in San Diego one day they were loading a torpedo which slipped off the skids. This very burly torpedoman thought he could wrestle it back onto the skid and keep it from hitting a panel. He was wrong, very wrong. The other crew members there said his hand exploded like a tomato when the torpedo slid into the panel and he was unable to stop it. Surgery and 7 pins later he still lost about 80% function and could not even make a fist.
Yikes, I think sometimes the human brain can’t fathom not being able to do something.
I believe I recall this from a favorite book series called Sharpe. It’s about the exploits of a British soldier in Napoleonic times.
Something about trying to stop a cannonball with your foot.
So many stories, so little time. In 75 years I have quite a few tales of commonsenselessness to tell. Seems to me we have been sufficiently dumbed down and I have to suspect a diabolical force behind that effort. The examples of absurd instructions on products are classic – like the warning on the pizza box – Open Box Before Eating Pizza.
I have a new hobby of checking out my spam box to see the latest offer of millions of dollars waiting for me to respond. Warren Buffet, millionaire business tycoon, is highly disturbed that I have not ‘thank him for all money he give me.’ Funny yes, but sad too. These predators would stop if there were not so many gullible dumbed down Dear Beneficiaries at the ready to believe they have been selected.
I call this the age of the Great Delusion – people prefer illusion and what sounds or looks good, not what is actually true, practical or based on common sense.
http://bagsallpacked.blogspot.com/2022/04/building-lie.html
Unfortunately that means they had or lost a lawsuit of someone injuring themselves trying to eat said pizza while in the box.
Like the lid on a washer… remove clothing from baby before putting into washer….. it happened and a baby was maimed or lost its life. SMH
Coffee cup… CAUTION coffee is HOT….. I think we all know the reason for that one.
Yes indeed, a litigious society is also to blame for the end of common sense which is the primary cause of ‘can’t fix stupid’. For some reason I get the visual of a snake eating its own tail. We could come up with a whole new thread on warnings on packaging – like when removing a tray of food from the microwave “Caution – tray will be hot!”
On my first day of jury duty, I was assigned to a courtroom where a small business owner was being sued by a man who tripped and fell on the owner’s property.
When it was my turn to be asked if I could be impartial, I replied with all sincerity that I feel that people in business are forced to carry liability insurance just to protect themselves even when they haven’t been negligent.
Then I said “even though my son is a personal injury attorney, I still feel this way”… ( which is the truth BTW)
Neither side chose me.
Wow, I spent way too long reading all the misadventures of rocket scientists that are found everywhere these days.
So, I will add one more.
Worked in GM dealerships service departments for the first 15 years of my employed life, seen and heard way more crazy stuff that I ever wanted to know but one that stands out particularly was a “helper” that sometimes they would hire in a service department to clean stuff up / help moving heavy parts and such.
I don’t know if this 5′ tall 18 yo kid was tasked to do this or took it upon himself to do, but he was cleaning a bench grinder that was used to wire wheel off silicon RTV gasket material from oil pans and valve covers mainly and was probably the first time it had been cleaned since the building was built 5+ years or so and the wall behind it was nasty as was the grinder.
He was spraying the grinder off with brake cleaner as we have boatloads of that stuff everywhere in a service shop.
I had noticed he was cleaning the area, and I just happened to look over as he flipped the switch on the grinder to turn it on to check it out, as he flipped it on a giant fireball erupted out of the entire area…..he did keep his cool and quickly walked over to the fire extinguisher that was nearby and took it off the wall only to have its weight take him to the floor kinda like a Benny Hill skit, at that point I lost it and was laughing hysterically, the fumes did not stay ignited long and no fire suppression was required.
He didn’t have much in the way of eyebrows left or hair for that matter.
I don’t think he was around much longer after that incident either.
Quickie…. location Benton Harbor MI
Service writer calls customer out to shop for estimate on repairs of their issue…… now think Airplane and….. I speak jive.
I don’t know why it broke…..I steady be makin’ my payments.
They were testing a small airplane windshield. The frozen chicken fired from a cannon, not only went through the windshield, but the entire airplane. Then someone figured it out. “Hey……birds don’t fly around frozen!”
Have a co-worker who needed a copy of a document on his laptop.
He put the laptop screen on the copy machine, which also happened to be a networked printer.
This is a wonderful idea Menagerie and WeeWeed..
God bless you two, this Treehouse and all love this place.
Got a call from the boss in the next town. She wanted to see the timesheets for my immediate supervisor as she though he was fudging. I assigned the case to our secretary, told her to dig through the timesheets for his in and out times and signatures (they were on a 8.5″x 11″ standard size piece of paper) and fax them to the boss. The boss called back in 20 minutes all agitated because she hadn’t received them yet. I located the secretary by the photocopier, and asked her what was taking so long. She replied that she is photocopying the sheets so that she can fax them.
You don’t spray it on your clothes and rub it on your skin to keep bears away? Who would have thought that!! Maybe I should have read the directions! (sarc)
We had a retail computer store at a local mall. This was back when it was Windows 3.1 and floppy disks.
A customer brought her system in to check, and we found a virus on the system. My husband started scanning all her floppy disks and making a pile of infected versus clean disks. He saw her making two separate piles of paper sleeves that the disks had come out of. He asked her why. She told him she wanted to keep the infected sleeves separate!