-Corporate profits are high, but wages are stagnant… it is therefore our task to restore the unfinished task that [redistributes wealth] opens the doors to opportunity.

-The nations interests should come before party.   [cept’ I’m gonna work on my agenda regardless of what y’all want]

-We are more than 1/2 way (2.5) to $4 trillion in deficit reduction [400 billion/yr].  The question is how to cut more.    [Republicans want to kill essential services, Democrats want to protect them]….  We won’t grow the middle class by shifting more cuts, “we cannot cut our way to prosperity”…..   I say more “investment”.

-Medicare payments should be made only for essential services to the elderly.   Doctors should not be allowed to order any test they want…. they should only order the tests that “I” approve.   That’ll help.

-Why should deficit controls impact Social Security?   We just need to raise more taxes, close loopholes, insure millionaires cannot avoid payment, stop companies from moving overseas and reform the tax code.

-Lets move forward by spending more, avoiding cuts, and ignoring the financial crisis that is ahead of us right now.

-Lets agree to keep spending, maintain our deficit programs and continue on the path I have outlined.

-Deficit reduction is not an economic plan.  ?????   [um, yes it is]

-We need to improve manufacturing.   Caterpillar is coming home, Apple is moving back, last year we created a manufacturing institute.   I want to launch three more manufacturing “hubs”, and I want this congress to fund 15 of them.  [no mention of where yet].

-We are on the forefront of healthcare, science and research.   We need to spend more on them.

-No area holds more promise than “energy”.   We are headed in the direction of energy independence.  Our carbon emissions have fallen, but we must do more to combat “climate change”.   If you don’t believe in climate change I will make fun of you.  Also, we will instruct our teachers to tell your kids that Mom and Dad want to kill polar bears and force them to drink dirty water.   Besides, me and my Al Gore pals have already structured the Carbon Trading Mercantile and we plan to make Trillions from it – so just quit fighting us and give in.  Or else.

-Today our infrastructure needs improvement, and our union pals are not getting enough contracts, so I propose a new spending bill for bridges, roads and schools.   We can get this done we just need you to give up your money to the collective.

-Housing is picking back up.  But the banks are stingy with the financing… people are not getting the loans they need…. blacks and minorities cannot qualify for these tough mortgage standards.   Our families are responsible but they cannot get the money they need to buy a house, so I say lets just give it to them.   We can get this done we just need you to give up your money to the collective.

-The Education sector needs more money.   Most families cannot afford preschool, so tonight I propose federal funding for preschool for every child in America.   We can get this done, we just need you to give up your money to the collective.   If the kids are educated, they will be more likely to read than have babies and get pregnant.   Let’s give kids the chance and don’t forget the condom machines next to the cafeteria – we can do this.

-Our kids should be able to read and write when they graduate from High School.   We need to insure that our kids do too…. but we cannot expect our union teachers to complete this task without higher pay, better benefits, and fewer hours.   They are the future for our kids. We can get this done, we just need you to give up your money to the collective.

-We must keep funding higher education.   Colleges must do their job to keep costs down, and it is the responsibility of the federal government to insure they do.   But, federal aid must not be contingent upon professors salaries – we need the indoctrination machine to be effective.   Talent and innovation are contingent upon paying progressive college teachers more money, with greater benefits, and less stressful work.   College cruise ships are a potential program.   Beer pong!

-Immigration reform is needed.   We know what needs to be done and we need amnesty asap, America will be better for it, and the Democrat party needs the additional votes.

-Women are important too.   The senate passed the violence against women act put forth by Joe Biden, but we also need to pay them.   And what about gay equality?   We need honest wages for women, gays, and those previously mentioned illegal aliens.   We need to raise the minimum wage to $9.00/hr.  We can do this, we just need to drive up the cost of the stuff you buy, but it will make us look better…. so support it.

-Let’s tie the minimum wage to the cost of living, so that it continuously becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.   The more employers have to pay their workers, the more the stuff costs that they make, so that means inflation….. that also means higher wages, that will drive up the cost of the stuff you buy…. and so it goes.    We can do this.

-Stronger families, stronger communities and a stronger America.   That is the source of the progress at home.    Just ignore the blight in urban areas, forget that only 1 in 8 black children have a father and mother, and forget that genocide is highest amid black communities via abortion.   We need stronger families – just support the words.

-We are committed to Afghanistan, but we are leaving.   We’re trying to kill the al-qaeda affiliates but they are pesky and threatening.   We don’t need to hunt them down, we just need to pay other countries to fight them for us.   Our drones in the sky will insure compliance with our mandate.

-We must enlist our values in the fight.   We have worked tirelessly to keep congress informed of our action, well, except in Libya, Egypt and Syria – and forget that whole going to war without congress thing, I’ve got drones.    I’ll use them and I might even tell congress – as long as they pay for the rubbers in schools.

-We must secure global nuclear arms.  We must face the growing nuclear race and simultaneously keep our promise to disarm ourselves.   We must also fight cyber threats, so  I signed an executive order to strengthen cyber security – all your internets belong to the government and you must be comfortable with me in your laptop.  Or else.

-We intend to complete negotiations with a trans-Atlantic partnership for global trade and a one world view.   We must water down the entire “American Exceptionalism” thing.   Most earth people live on less than $1/day… so we must find ways to send our wealth to the global community that needs it more than you do.   We can do this, we just need you to give all your money to the collective.

-Democracy is messy.   But we will keep pressure on all nations who refuse to give up their sovereignty to the global community.  No-one will be spared.   I will travel to the Middle East next month and visit the same places where our embassies are being attacked.  I will do whatever we must to protect our military… just forget that Benghazi thing.

-We will insure gay and straight benefits for military families.  We will put our sisters, moms, and daughters on the front lines with bayonets in hand because they have proven themselves worthy….  But forget that whole draft/selective service thing…

-My wife and Jill Biden support the troops.   Michelle even gave them fresh sprouts on a recent trip to a food pantry for returning servicemen.

-Voting sucks for minorities and people who would love to vote for Democrats.  So I want to improve their voting experience… we can fix this.  Our illegal population needs the right to vote so that I can give them more free stuff.   This is important to our democracy.

-We must defend our children and get guns banned.   Majorities of Americans support background checks, and we need a national registration for guns so we know who has them.   War weapons must be removed from the streets,  There is no place for tanks, LAAW’s rockets or shoulder fired nuclear weapons in the classroom.

-We lost a kid named fig newtown, who majored in cheerful Chicago smiles and performances.  She was shot a mile from my house, that I never go to, or live in.   Her parents are here – but I’m not sure why they have different names – they deserve a vote on something that will stop bullets from hitting their windows.   Gabby Giffords deserves a vote and so do a bunch of other people deserve a simple vote…..   But, don’t ask me about why Harry Reid doesn’t bring it up.

-We were not sent here to be perfect, I mean c’mon, look at me….  We were sent here to look out for each other, the collective.   The masses cannot make decisions for themselves or decide important stuff…. they need us.

-Heck one lady who is 102 years old and slobbering all over her missing dentures waited over 6 hours to cast a vote just to get a sticker.

-When a gunman opened fire in a Sikh temple, a police officer did his job.  His name was Brian.  He refused to run when the gunman was shooting – he got shot, 11 times, and while he laid there bleeding he refused to leave – because he is a patriot.

-Your rights are wrapped up on the rights of others?

God Bless You… and God bless th…….   (ssshhhhh, don’t let em’ know I didn’t finish that part)

Allah Ackbar !