Receptionist: Hello. Welcome to obamaflowers, my name is Valerie. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled, and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist: Yes, I am truly sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you?
Customer: Thanks. I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife…
Receptionist: (interrupting) Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our minimum standards. I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer: But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it for years, my wife likes them.
Receptionist: Roses are better, sir. I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer: Well, ok, how much are they?
Receptionist: It depends sir. Do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?
Customer: What’s the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12, 18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package might be okay, how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir. What is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy. Then I can determine how much your out of pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
Customer: FlowerAid?
Receptionist: Yes. Flowers are a Right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a Right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.
Customer: Whoa…..I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.
Receptionist: It is not really a Right in the Constitution, but obamaflowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a Right.
Customer: I don’t believe this…
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost will be.
Customer: WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income…
Customer: (interrupting) This is ridiculous! I’ll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it’s a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. That’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING??
Receptionist: So they can get your GPS coordinates, sir.
(Doorbell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling obamaflowers. Have a nice day…and remember to vote democrat!
*Note: received via email – author unknown