MBOBs take root downward and bear fruit upward — can’t be helped — those things are built into them.
There’s benefit for any who will linger in their shadow and gain strength for the journey.
I wrote this in early July:
Maybe there’s something wrong with me but I am noticing there’s some gentle humor in grief. No tears in the last forty-eight hours but some discoveries that sort of make me smile.
Here’s my giant discovery of this day, [my DH] was totally right about this:~”You can’t get it all done at once”~
That was one of the tasks that we had discussed and he specifically wanted me to have done – when the dust settled. So that’s done. Life seems quite dusty still.
I realized a day or so ago that the right front tire on the car looked low. Squishy. So – where’s the tire gauge?…..check the glove compartment. Nope. Check the center console place where I had found Grant’s note about when the oil should be changed, some weeks back. Yup. There it is.
Check the pressure. 20 pounds. That’s too low. Wait a minute – what if I didn’t do it right? Check it again. 20 pounds. Ok. Better not do it again because maybe I’m causing it to lose more air.
Now what?
There are no normal gas stations that provide all sorts of services any more, or where a person can do it themselves. He always used the big air compressor to put air wherever air needing putting, and I don’t yet know how to operate it, and we haven’t had a manual tire pump for years. So I called Les Schwab and said, “Can I just come and get the air pressure checked in my tires? I’m sorry – I’m not needing to buy tires, but I don’t know what to do – because my husband died recently and I don’t know how to use the big air compressor and……” fortunately the kind employee put a stop to my misery as he said, “Oh, that’s fine. Just swing by. We do that about a hundred times a day for anyone at all.”
So I “swung by” and sure enough. They were all very nice and assured me that this is SOP.
Now I can’t believe that I didn’t think to ask him exactly what to do when a tire was low.
I mean EXACTLY – what, exactly, do I do? Where do I go?
Now I have Les Schwab, so now I know.
~It’s amazing how much a person doesn’t know about exactly what to do~
I’ve crossed over a few more little streams – now the trail behind me looks grown over.
From forty or fifty yards, I see no sign of the path back. I can’t go back so it probably doesn’t matter.
The path under my feet is never in focus any more.
The last two or three steps are in focus but they are already just memories and there’s nothing to be done about them.
The one just in front is sometimes in focus but it has to be taken whether it’s in focus or not, so I step again.
Sometimes I can see where I’m stepping and sometimes I can’t. Doesn’t seem to matter.
Spanish poet Antonio Machado speaks of such paths.
Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more;
wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking.
By walking one makes the road,
and upon glancing behind
one sees the path that will never be trod again
Wanderer, there is no road–
Only wakes upon the sea
I pray that the roads your footsteps are making today have peace on them even if it is mixed with difficulty.
Signed copies of Mailboxes and Old Barns ($18/including shipping) can be ordered by emailing me at [email protected]. Payment can be made by PayPal or by check to Sharon Torgerson, P O Box 513, Woodburn, OR 97071.
That discovery of the day registered as I was finally putting back all the equipment I’d dragged out to complete an ever-expanding list of yard chores through a long morning in a hot sun.
First – I edged the grass in the back yard.
Ah. Done. Now I will mow. Oh, shoot. Look at all the dandelions.
Finish mowing. Go get the Roundup and spray eau de dandelion killer here and there. And there.
As mowing is finished – well looky there – there’s more dog poop. Go and get the pooper-scooper and do poop patrol (again).
Looks like the vegetables need watering. Again. Corn is topping out. Go get the attachment and drag the garden hose out.
Oh, look. Slugs have been at the broccoli plants – holes in the leaves. Go get the eau de slug killer.
Long electric cord did not get wrapped nicely today. Laying in gentle heap in garage because the front yard needs to be mowed tomorrow.
So. Yes. The man was right. Can’t get it all done at once.
I’ve slowed my approach to the outdoors jobs and now I actually sit down in the doorway that leads from the dining room into the garage to put on yard shoes before I go out because–yet again the man was right: it messes up your shoes if you get weed cuttings and grass stains on them. It’s worth taking the time to change shoes.
~the man was right about so many things – I’m still learning from him~
The contentments of ordinary life are even greater treasures when there’s a connection to remembered good stuff .
Back in June when I had begun noticing the contrasts in process and results of the summer yard work (his approach and his results as compared to mine) I shared the observation with our sons. His whole way of working, whether at home or on the job, has been a lifetime MBOB for them so this email was another mailbox:
Our extended families never considered work to be an obstacle to be overcome. We learned early in life that any task done well was a righteous source of satisfaction and the need to do it was sufficient reason to get at it and do it well.
~String enough such work together and you end up with such a life~
The other day the battery needing replacement light was flashing on the thermostat. Oh great. So how am I supposed to know how to loosen/remove/swivel since I have absolutely no sense of what’s normal. Nearly pulled the thing clean off the wall before I realized that you just depress that little lever, like so, and swivel the battery-container to the right and there it is – ready to remove and replace. So now I know how to do that.