I have gathered together some random facts, figures, quotes and ponderings that have been on my mind for some time now. Hopefully, we can pull it together and give these loosely related concerns a direction and reach some conclusions. The increasing incidences of urban flash mobs, flashes of truly disgusting lyrics I occasionally overhear, a recent trip to the mall where I had to endure looking at every young black male’s choice of underwear, information on out of wedlock births – all these things have been swirling around in my mind lately. I am no social worker, nor do I claim to be. I am only using common sense to try to connect dots and see patterns, as well as well known statistics, and ideas that many before me have elucidated much more intelligently than I am able to do.
Let’s start with an attempt to give you some statistics. As I have discovered time and again, it can be quite difficult to find current accurate statistics on the internet. The problems are that you will find conflicting statistics, and you will find aged statistics, this not always being immediately  obvious. There seems to be a consensus that approximately seventy percent of African American births are out of wedlock. The results of this legacy are chilling. Children of unwed mothers are more likely to do poorly in school, use drugs, live in poverty, go to prison, and to have children out of wedlock themselves. Here is where we need to dip away from statistics.
In researching this article I stumbled on a column written by Ta-Nehisi Coates, senior editor for the Atlantic on February 17, 2009. It is entitled “The math on Black out of wedlock births”. Here are his concluding paragraphs to the article, whose point is that black women are having fewer babies than they were having 40 years ago, and therefore conservatives who express concern about the breakdown of black family life are wrong  – oh read his very descriptive words here, fellow neanderthals.
To summarize–there is no data to show that the black “illegitimacy” figure of 70 percent has been caused by unmarried black women having more kids than they did in the past. In fact, the trend is the exact opposite. What is clear is that the behavior of married black women has changed, to the point that married black women are actually having less kids than married white women.
This is why stigmatizing lifestyles is a strategy for neanderthals, why it’s always sinful to look past the weeds in your lawn in order to lecture your neighbor. I’ll live for the day when all these social conservatives who think that the 70 percent figure is the cause of all that’s wrong in black America, start hectoring married black people to have more kids.
There is no mention whatsoever that since 1973 over 13 million African American lives have been lost to abortion. I find this more alarming than any statistics can be. Further reading shows this is the course educated black liberals are choosing to take – condemning churches, politicians – even Bill Cosby, for voicing concerns about the deterioration of the black family.
Let’s move on now to music – specifically rap. The top rap song this week is “I’m On One” according to Billboard.com. By my count, the lyrics include five counts of “niggas”, the F bomb is dropped six times, there is mention of “hoes” and bitches, and of course white cops. This song is at the top of the charts.What that translates to as an audience who listen to this song how many times a day I do not know. What I do know is this is a representation of what urban youth have embraced as their culture, the example they cling to, the language they speak. Music gives voice to the expectations we have for our lives, for the dreams we have, it reveals the inner us. This says something appalling about these artists and their fans and followers.
Let’s move on to the fashion trend of the decade: saggin’. Yes, how long can you be out in public without the treat of seeing multiple men’s and boy’s butts covered only by the thinest layer of cotton? Yes, yes, there are plently of complaints to be made about the attire of young ladies (or lack thereof), but today we focus on my pet peeves. You’ll get your turn later. This promising trend started in prison and moved to the streets. Snopes denies that it’s origin was to advertise availability, and states that it was merely poor fitting prison clothes. OKAY! That makes it allright then. Our youth choose to take their fashion from prison heroes. Oh boy. I am so very relieved that it doesn’t indicate a willingness for homosexual activity. What I don’t understand is why we must be subjected to this. Why is it legal? Why do parents allow their children to go out in public unclothed? Why do they have no regard for the offensiveness of their kid’s clothes, if not for the effects on the  kids themselves?
How many flash mob episodes have we had in the past year? How many of the parents know where their kids are? How many pay the bills for the cell phones they use to organize them? How many provide transportation or money for transportation for kids to get to these places where mobs occur?
How many parents, educators (ha!) and politicians think about what allowing these kids to wallow in this filth, speak trash, wear trashy clothes, and make violent mob action their entertainment know the depth of damage they do – or care? Will these kids turn 18, look at they world and say “Time to be kind now. I have things to contribute.”? No, they will not. You are what you speak, what you sing, what you wear, what you think. Or perhaps I should say you are a result of those things.
Now let me sum up and draw my conclusions in the way I always do, the way I relate to the world, the way I think things through. Let me just put these things through my own looking glass, my personal view of the world, not having advanced degrees, and not being a liberal and therefore having the ability and expertise to speak for the world. My only area of expertise in these matters comes from 35 years of marriage and parenting, along with common sense and decency, respect for my fellow man, and finally, yes, my religious beliefs and morality (gasp!). My conscience. Oh yeah, and a lack of the exhibitionist tendencies.
As a mother, I would never have approved of the clothes, music, mobs, and attitude we see in today’s urban youth – and rural too, sometimes. I would have tried my best to keep my boys away from this culture. But what if I had been a single working mom, how thin would my attention and energy be spread? More importantly, what would my boys have lost without the example and influence of a strong, honest, devout, hard working man who accepted none of these things into our lives? A man who led, a man who disciplined, a man who taught three impressionable boys what manhood really was all about? Together we tried to raise our sons to turn to God, to be productive, kind, strong, responsible. To contribute to society, to make their own way. Many times we failed, and we were not a model of anything (other than perhaps how loud five people can be, and how many miles you can put on a car in one day). Those boys are now men, far from perfect ones. We had as many failures, perhaps, as we had successes. None of them are rocket scientists, priests,play football for Notre Dame, or are mathematics instructors (yes, the last was my dream!), but none of them expect a government check every month, participate in flash mobs (too busy working), and I see a nice pair of jeans when my gaze falls below their waist. The rest is up to them. Training wheels have been off a long time. The rest is up to them, with quite a few prayers thrown in from Mom and Dad.
Given what I see happening to the family, and the culture our young people are growing up in, I foresee much more difficulty for parents to have that same success today, modest though it be. What do you see, hear, think about the culture of our youth? How do we change course, if you believe, as I do, that the present one is not the best choice? What actions do you take as parents regarding the music and dress issues?