On a regular basis, long before the Wuhan virus surfaced, Maryland was always one of the most leftist and regulatory states in the nation. So it doesn’t come as a big surprise to see officials in Montgomery County, Maryland, present some of the most nonsensical rules to reopen their economy. [Quite Remarkable Video Announcement below]
After an extensive study and review by local scientists and public officials, you can go to a barber shop and/or beauty salon and get your “hair styled”, as long as the ‘styling’ doesn’t involve the actual cutting of the hair. Apparently, in phase-1 the COVID virus can identify when scissors are present and the virus will attack with increased severity.
You can go to a church, as long as the going to church doesn’t involve the actual going into a building that would be identified as a church. Worship services can only be provided outdoors, because the virus lurks in the building…… unless the building contains vegetables and is called a supermarket, and then the virus cannot enter the premises.
According to the local scientists who have analyzed the risks, you can now wash your car; however, it is only safe to wash the outside of the car. If you attempt to clean the inside of your vehicle the virus will hunt you. Interior car cleaning is forbidden. No actual word on how you get your vehicle to a car wash without being inside it… but minor details are still a work in progress and will likely be addressed in phase-2.
You are now permitted to open retail businesses, but you cannot sell things from inside retail businesses. Apparently the Maryland officials have discovered the virus is building and content specific. Therefore retail sales can safely happen at the curbside of the building; but patrons are forbidden from entering the establishment.
Purchasing a new pair of pants becomes less dangerous when the pants are not in a building. Unless, duh, the building sells vegetables and pants, and then the virus doesn’t attack the pant purchaser because they are protected by the surrounding vegetables.
You are allowed to open and attend daycare and summer camps, as long as the camps remain outside. During phase-1 of the opening, if a spring and/or summer storm starts, it is less dangerous to run around dodging lightning strikes outside – than if you were to enter a building or cabin where the virus is waiting to attack.
Given the hair salon scissor restrictions, in combination with rules for summer camps, running with construction scissors outside while dodging lightning is another undefined detail. However, if you happen to be picking vegetables, you are immune from being attacked. Vegetable picking inside or outside with scissors is therefore allowed.
Restaurants are allowed to open, but again all actual eating of food must take place outdoors. To accommodate this safe dining approach, restaurants are encouraged to put all their tables in the street.
The Montgomery County dept. of transportation is organizing road closures to assist with the roadway dining. So you might not be able to drive to where the restaurants are, but the outdoor dining experience should justify hiking to your table for the asphalt ambience.
Now, right about this point, if you are a person of reasonable constitution, you’re probably thinking this is so ridiculous it cannot really be what the Montgomery County plan is; all I can say is please watch the two short videos below.
Montgomery County executive Mark Elrich was visibly frustrated and perplexed that local citizens did not appreciate the wisdom of the panel of COVID compliance scientists that put together the reopening plan. His announcement was a little less than well received.
The local news outlet did their best to help make sense of the madness; but judging by the looks on their faces, well…. I digress.