Why haven’t we had a joke thread in so long? We used to have such a good time with it. Bring out the big guns, guys, it’s time to have some fun. Keep it PG rated, and if you have thin skin, pop on out of here now. We ain’t gonna allow y’all to spoil our laughs.
Here is Stella’s funny for the day, and then one of my favorites to start us off.
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.
Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine………
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:
“Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..
(You’re gonna love this)
“Repaint! Repaint!
And thin no more!”
“Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light.”
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'”
“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
“Thank you!” the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”