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The Bard of Murdock
All She wanted for Christmas was a pair of those fancy alligator shoes. But funds were tight that Christmas.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of her hubby, and his frugal approach to holiday finances, the young blonde wife declared, “Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!”
Hubby replied with a sarcastic smile, ‘Well, baby, why don’t you just go give it a try?‘
The blonde wife headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, hubby was driving home from work and spotted his wife standing waist deep in the murky water, with his best shotgun in her hand.
Right then, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, wifey took aim, shot the beast, and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
His mouth hung open. Then he noticed nearby were seven, yes seven more, dead gators all lying belly up. The husband watched with equal parts amazement and growing pride as his darling blonde bride struggled with the gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, he heard her scream loudly in frustration……
Son of a bitch !! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!
Cowboy Boots
A Texas teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a glow.
She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” Sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots’.
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so’, like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear ‘em’.
Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.
Helping him with his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens’?
He said, ‘I stuffed ‘em in the toes of my boots so’s I wouldn’t lose em’!
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
Santa’s Magic Cards
Why did the Three Wise Men smell like smoke?
- Because they came from “afar.”
Q: What is Santa’s favorite pizza?
A: Doesn’t matter as long as it is “deep pan, crisp and even”.