A Trip To WalMart….

Just because this week sucked:

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog – and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

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20 Responses to A Trip To WalMart….

  1. Sharon says:

    Now that’s funny.

    Like

  2. 22tula says:

    What did You wash it down with? Beer?

    Like

  3. waltherppk says:

    Wolverines ! I looked ‘em up and it is an apex predator type weasel …sort of a ferret “magnum” :D

    Like

  4. Mikado Cat says:

    Nice looking rat pictures.

    I’ve wondered about a dog food diet. I assume it tastes pretty bad, but is nutritionally complete.

    Like

  5. woohoowee says:

    LOL!

    Like

  6. bob e says:

    i was on the purina diet for a while but..
    i started howlin’ at the fire trucks..so i had to stop.
    too bad, i lost a ton a weight…

    Like

  7. TFred says:

    “Here’s your sign!”

    Like

  8. Bijou says:

    Way to go, Sundance!
    Sometimes people are just BEGGIN’ to be messed with.

    Like

  9. apachetears says:

    I was asked the same when buying dog and horse feed but the lady began to give me a lecture on how wasteful it was to spend money feeding horses and dogs And that I could be spending that money on something more useful.
    The lady was about 5’5″ and weighed in at the “GOOD GOD!” mark sitting in a walmart motorized cart and the basket was filled with cokes and junk food, frozen pizza and ice cream.
    Her Husband (partner) was also in line in his little motor cart with the rest of the junk food.
    I just smiled and waved then collected my useless animal feed and walked on.
    Obamacare candidates, Fat, dumb and happy and all on wheels.

    Like

  10. Ms.Tee says:

    I love you! That was great! LOL!

    Like

  11. elvischupacabra says:

    A man after my own heart. I’m also know for saying outrageous things to gullible people.

    And as the president’s speechwriters know, stupid people will believe anything if you say it with certainty and have just a tad of gravitas in you.

    Heck, you had a laugh bullsh!tting stupid folks. Obama has had a political career doing the same.

    Like

  12. nameofthepen says:

    Sundance, did you promise to stay out of the park this time? ;)

    Like

  13. allhail2 says:

    That was fantastic! I’m going to have to remember that one and add it to my repertoire.

    Like

  14. jello333 says:

    Love it! And I love the rat, rat, rattie pics too. I know they can cause issues in the wild, but as pets?… I just love the little dudes. If you haven’t had one, you really should try it. Playful, cuddly (it’s true!), loyal, and of course very intelligent.

    Like

  15. arkansasmimi says:

    Oh my goodness I needed that good LAUGH!!!! :)

    Like

  16. janc1955 says:

    Those are the cutest rat pics I’ve ever seen! That tiny little stuffed bear! ::sigh::

    Like

  17. aunt Lil says:

    I take a LOT seriously when reading, but you got me on this one… Laughed out loud and loved it…………

    Like

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