Please share any prayer requests you may have for friends or loved ones here….
I know I am taking up a lot of space and time, but I also need to ask you to continue praying for Mickey (our young guy who came to us June, 2012).
Several weeks ago, right before I went for surgery, I was seeing disturbing signs that he was beginning to regress to his old behavior. I know that when you attempt, with the help of God, to totally change your life, it is to be expected that you will fall back, at times, in the process. So I waited and prayed.
I am so sad to say that Mickey seems to have been making more and more choices which have resulted in an apparent return to his dark world. He came to a point, last week, where he said things that showed that, in his mind, he has rejected what God had offered. I have not yet seen any ray of light which might indicate any improvement.
Although he has not yet left our home, he has basically cut himself completely off from communication or relationship. I believe that if he had the financial ability, he would have been long gone.
My husband and I have decided to do and say nothing. We will give no opening for an explosion of fury or argument. We will not be an excuse for him. So, we wait to see what he will choose to do. It is a very painful thing to have to watch another human being possibly destroying himself. If God has another way to reach him, and I’m sure He must, I pray that it happens soon.
I will remember him, and you and your husband in your prayers. I hope that he will find himself open to hope, to love, to faith, to a future.
The road to recovery is a long one. He’ll test it out again and hopefully see the dark is not gainful. Prayers for him, and that God with your help, brings him back. I wish this for all lost young men seduced by negative influences. ♡
God bless you, and thank you for your prayers.
Since I wrote to you I have been reflecting on my gratitude for being an alcoholic. It gives me a loving work of loving service to others for which I am qualified. My experiences teach me that my weakness is now my strength in service because I can be the hollow reed flute through which blows God love…it is His love which is unconditional, I am only apprenticing…that helps keep me out of the way and not applying too heavy a touch on a raw, wounded soul…God bless you and guide you on your mission…Spar
To Spar Harmon, my Christian brother:
Here’s what you are lacking, and only because you’ve not been taught in the “Christian” churches you’ve attended. You will find it in Romans chapter 6, verse 11.
It’s called realizing who you are in the Lord Jesus Christ, and then acting accordingly. You are a child of the King simply because He’s deemed you as a child of the King. He chose you. Period. That’s why you believe Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life.” That’s also why you struggle, because you don’t know who you are in Christ, and your Enemy and his friends (who you hang around with) want to make you feel good through what makes them feel good. You are seated in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1 & 2). God says you are as righteous and holy and perfect as He is because of Jesus Christ. So, knowing that, you are free to choose to act that way!
Since God has caused you to believe in His Son, you are perfect in His eyes–even if you don’t always act that way. Even with all of your faults (and mine, too). You’re a child of the King, so, Romans 6 says realize that truth AS TRUE, and act accordingly. Knowing that your eternity is based upon what He’s done, and that you can never lose it.
“RECKON (count yourself) dead unto sin, and alive unto Jesus Christ.” And if you fail, momentarily, you’re still His. God says you’re perfect in Him. So, act like it!
Brothers in Christ we certainly are, but I think my God is developing me for His use at a pace and in a manner of His choosing. My work right now is intensive study of scripture and commentary after first drawing close to Him and then staying my mind upon Him. I trust God to ‘mature me’ to the Work I must do. I am often aware of Jesus shepherding me… to still water, to lush pasture, protecting me from predators…
It just happens I have just started into Romans via John’s Gospel and Acts with frequent reference to the various versions of the Sermon on the Mount and Psalms, so I will be running across Romans 6:11 shortly, but in context, which works best for my strange, quirky self.
Paul makes interesting points in chapters 2 and 3 about how man can know God from the evidence of creation…on the evidence of God’s works and that God is written into the hearts of all men…Quakers used such passages to break with the Christian ideas of their day that said people who had not been given the direct teaching of Christ Jesus were damned, man, woman, and child… which Quakers considered a barbaric teaching unsupported by Scripture and unworthy of the unfathomable reality of the Creator of all things with Love infusing all.
I don’t know if you are aware of the work I did in the Chapel, trying to work nakedly in the Chapel on a personal study of the Lord’s Prayer and responding to the critiques, all loving, the others offered along the way…Also please feel free to visit my blog by clicking on my Gravatar which will give you a clickable address. I am delighted and amazed at all the different ways God uses us, yet we can still feel loving compatibility and fellowship…CTH has been a boon and respite from my loneliness…
Blessing on your path, brother…
I want to share an interesting thought and basis for prayer from a Orthodox Christian monk in a book I am reading called Everyday Saints:
For those who seek God, He gives sufficient light. For those who turn away from Him, He gives sufficient darkness.
Look for the light.
I love this. The Orthodox have such a rich mystical theology. I also love that it says “sufficient” light. Sometimes it seems not sufficient, but then you get a glimpse and know it’s still there.
” For those who seek God, HE GIVES SUFFICIENT LIGHT. For those who turn away from Him, HE GIVES SUFFICIENT DARKNESS ”
LOOK FOR THE LIGHT……Amen
I made a stupid mistake out of anger, the day before my surgical procedure. As a result, when I awoke in the early afternoon from a long nap after the successful procedure on the 6th and went to the computer to check what my balance was after Rent and Suppl. Health Ins Premium had been automatically withdrawn from my account on Nov.5, plus during that same day I had picked up 2 prescriptions for $5 and $40 co-pays. The computer showed that I was overdrawn $24+ and that the bank had also levied a $35 fee for overdraft/return services, putting me $59+ over drawn with 2 weeks before any chance of fresh income. At first I couldn’t think straight; I was groping for what spiritual mistakes I may have made; just the extreme anger? Probably…Then I saw “Return services”! OMIGOD,They bounced the Ins Premium check! I JUST HAD THIS PROCEDURE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PAY FOR AND I WON’T BE COVERED…!!!
(The $40 co-pay had been automatically filled without my knowledge. My anger (read that fearful over financial insecurities) suddenly shot over the top; I became hyper-focused on their disabling any possibility they would EVER fill a prescription without my personally ordering it. After I was assured of that and I had my card out to pay, I was asked if I wanted the $40 item; I was trembling from head to toe and nauseous from adrenalin-shock, and embarrassed and irritable and I said yes.)
I recovered enough to focus on what immediately to do, called Walgreens got a commitment to take the $40 item back, since I hadn’t opened it. and saw I had about an hour to wait before the next bus at 4:30. As I waited I went back to searching for what I might have done to elicit what I saw as extreme consequences…THE REPENTENCE PRAYER of course, of course, I was still struggling to not indulge in what I repented THAT WAS IT!!! I swept all my smoking paraphernalia, tobacco, papers, into the big humidor can and took it to my neighbor at the other end of the building who smokes but is even poorer that I and gave it to him if he would promise not to give it back if I came begging, he agreed with a laugh. I felt loads better.
It was almost 7PM when I got home, too late to deal with the bank and try to get them to go to bat for me with the ins. co. I felt so ashamed, agitated, I could only pray help me help me and feel my powerlessness to help myself….I fell asleep and awoke in the wee hours this morning, calmer but still in a state of deep remorse, and I wrote what you see below which is witness to a shift toward healing.
Rereading that this afternoon, dropping off a brother/sister share to Pam on the way up here, going of and listening countless times to Sharon video until, tears streaming and singing at the top of my lungs, I did find shelter in the rock that is higher than me and The Shepard came and found me collapsed in the corner burning with fever and anointed me with whatever I needed. And so I could Cast with all my strength the Javelin of my fears into the Beckoning Eye of God….I’m sure He quite adroitly caught it, murmuring What took you so long, don’t Trust Me???
Only just Sufficient Darkness, Mike, to turn me, seeking blindly, The Light; and Sufficient Light to stumble back toward It….
Thanks for the bucket brigade friends, You channeled what I needed as fast I could take it in. Some of it deposited days earlier that I needed; thank ZM.
Example; when I woke up this afternoon I had a sudden thought and went quickly online to my bank. Sure enough, I had misread the information. Calling to confirm, indeed the bank HAD covered the insurance premium. I explained what had happened and that Walgreens was returning the $40 which had caused the overdraft, the nice man took off the $35 overdraft fee pending. And now I only have to tighten my belt for 2 weeks and not spend anything.
I seems, any time things seem blah or negative in anyway, I need to do Something to restore my flagging trust in God’s working in me. Peterson says – Joy is not a requirement of Christian discipleship; it is a consequence. If I’m walking down the road feeling bad, I need to sit down and find that higher Rock…
I’m going to sleep now with my Joy on High…
Father Bless this poor world….Only in You is there hope…Anyway I can help, I am Yours….
I am glad you got things more or less sorted out for now. Also humbled that something I posted was of value to you. Hang in there!
I am going into surgery 6 Nov on my lower back, but as it involves the actual spinal cord I am pretty edgy about it. It is a minor procedure, but if it goes wrong could leave me paralysed.
Also I just found out my Dad has requested being moved into the Assisted living wing, and has now BEEN moved. My sister says he has had a hard time adjusting and only yesterday managed to get out for a walk…He is now 100 years and 5 days old.
Pray for me for serenity of mind and Trust in God. For my Dad, the same….
Prayers for you both, Spar. Let us know how you’re doing as soon as possible.
Tomorrow you’re going??!! Will be praying “hard” for you, brother. Are you having general anesthesia? I was up this morning from about 2-4 a.m. just praying over and over the Serenity Prayer. It’s been a while since I have consciously thought about it, but it popped up and stayed for quite some time.
Your Dad has done well if he only now moved to assisted living at 100. Wow.
Checking in, friends, after several weeks of being totally inundated with doctors and medical junk. Two months after the endarterectomy, the good news is: my brain seems to be working better. 🙂
The rest of me is still a mess. I am making medical appointments left and right for both me and my husband. Hours on the phone calling and trying to get people to return phone calls…most frustrating. I can already see the change in our once-great medical system, as it starts to gradually erode and service and communications become more dysfunctional.
Next week I have a very important first appointment with a Pain Specialist group, not the sports/health chiropractic kind, but the real specialist kind. I am praying that the doctor and I will be able to get along and that he will be able to help me. The guy I am seeing has myofascial pain as one of his specialties, and that is, I believe, my biggest pain issue. I am experiencing doctor fatigue. Meaning I am really sick and tired of having to go meet new ones and sick and tired of appointments. But we are trying to shove everything into this year and get it done. Merry Christmas to us—this will probably be our Christmas present money.
My daughter had right lobe of thyroid removed last week..she’s only 20. She is home recovering slowly. Please pray for her, as she has no sense and tried to go back to work after only 5 days. She couldn’t make it 3 hours. She is struggling with depression and is not very well, physically or emotionally.
Anyway, I haven’t been able to visit here very often. But have been praying for all here and thinking of you.
The constantly colliding forces of our inner and outer struggles push us and pull us, don’t they. Whether we are caught within a struggle without ever seeing it coming, or begin to define it and try to avoid it as it comes hurtling down the road at us – we do launch the effort we can, to try to “grab hold” and manage what is somewhat unmanageable…..
My heart strings respond to your description of “doctor fatigue,” Pam. In recent weeks we have been in the place of “seeing the thing coming at us” – not because we have already been through anything near what you have been through – but because of a simple hernia repair that raised questions in the surgeon’s mind, apparently “alarmed” him to take this action and that action over a period of many days,…involving further tests and proposed possible diagnoses (for what, we don’t know)….and here we are – three weeks post-surgery (as of tomorrow) and we have no information. We have been unable to get questions answered.
We reel from “Ok. Here’s what we can do today…” to “Well, that didn’t turn out so well.” to “I really don’t know what to do” to (here’s where we are today) – “Ok, let’s go at it again, and try this….” (always with more paperwork)
The humility required by reality is only survivable, I’m thinking, for those who wrapped in some practical understanding of the fact that GOD ALREADY KNOWS our condition. He is not surprised by our limits, our ignorances, our mistakes, our faulty expectations, our fears, the depth of our need, the mistakes of the professionals, sometimes the arrogance of the professionals, sometimes just the fact that that medical system is not actually designed to focus on us and our passing (in their view) needs.
We have been borne up by close friends who carry us in their hearts, by the gracious Spirit of God Who gives us rest and peace, by Walmart which sells us three-ring binders with tabs, and we press on. Ineffectively on some days, but we press on.
Our situation may turn out to be quite benign. (I actually have no reason for believing that, but it is what one says when one does not wish to sound alarmist in conversations with others when one doesn’t actually know what one is talking about. 😉 ) On the other hand, it may turn out to not be benign at all. Which is why I posted a song in the Chapel a few days “Take me to the Rock that is higher and I.”
We have played that over and over this week. At high volume.
May I invite you and Spar to play it today – over and over. At high volume.
We don’t have a Savior just because God felt sorry for us. We have a Savior who perfectly meets our very desperate and very real needs that are only partially reflected in our physical and medical problems.
I did some checking the other day on what’s behind the Greek word in I Peter 5:7 (which needs to be read in context!!) – humble yourself (all of us) under the mighty hand of God…..casting all your care on Him, for He cares for you.
Pam – the Greek behind the word “casting” is FAR stronger than we generally perceive. It literally means like throwing a javelin! It involves the use of the word “hurl” – “throw with a jerking motion” – Think about that. Picking up our cares. Setting our feet. Get a good grip on that particular “care” with your right hand. Curl your fingers around it. (Having wet the finger tips if you wish to get a really good grip) Straighten your shoulders however the discus guys would say to do it. Draw your arm back. Fix your eyes on your Heavenly Father. He’s making full eye contact with you – looking deep into your heart eyes, and saying, “Throw it, Pam. Throw it.” With – with a “jerking motion” THROW that care, AS HARD AS YOU CAN, straight at Him. (I’m working on doing the same thing in this moment…)
Pam – THAT is what Peter said, by the Spirit, that we are to do with our cares. We have seriously underestimated the intention of our Shepherd to care deeply and firmly for us, and thus we carry far too much alone.
Spar, this is for you, too. It’s for all of us.
It occurs to me to say, “What you are dealing with is worse than…..” but then I remember that such a thought is silly and unnecessary. Each of us bears our own burden. Walks our own pathway. Have our own pinches and twists and agonies and fears that cut deeply. And that is why we have a Savior. Having a Savior who is also High Priest, who is also our Shepherd, who comes with anointing oil to find us where we have collapsed in a far corner of the pasture – this is no luxury. This is our great need.
Psalm 28:9 – “Be Thou their shepherd – and carry them forever.” Yes. We have a provision – that will last forever – and will sustain us through time as well.
Writing this is fully as much for my benefit as for yours.
Pam, there is a prayer gift for you right below Sharon’s post below….
Dear friends, I just got a very upset call from the friend I am speaking of above who thinks my characterization of her is untrue and slanderous and that nothing I said about her or her circumstances is accurate. It may true; what I know of her is a combination of things I Think she told me over four years time plus some guesswork and observation. So it is my point of view only and may be as inaccurate as she claims. However it IS honestly my point of view and there was no intent to slander at all. Indeed it should be clear that I love her very much; we have both been through a lot and weathered some of that together; and I acknowledge at the end my respect for what she and God achieved. The point of my story was that to the extent that I was able to help her at all, it was NOT by anything I said, but more likely by what she herself took from our interaction. I would say that on the conversational level our relationship is difficult and full of mutual misunderstandings, but still I miss her, and am glad when we get back to talking again.
I told this story to you, Pam, because I thought it might be helpful to you in some way. I was not trying to do more that sketch out this person’s situation and my interaction with it to illustrate some points. Reading back over it I find it wordier than it needed to be but an accurate enough representation of my understandings. Suzanne has set me straight that she doesn’t agree with a word of it. *sigh*
The comment has been deleted, out of consideration for your friend’s perspective and no intention to analyze the misunderstanding. -Admin
See below Sharon a prayer gift for you…
Spar, you are in my thoughts this morning. Praying for successful surgery.
To Pam, Wee Weed, to Sharon and to all whose thoughts I know touch on mine, and to all I don’t know whose thoughts touch on mine… But most of all to ZurichMike, whose share above provides the message from God I most urgently need to understand tonight…
Greetings, I have been expertly treated by my friends, my doctors, and my God; but I have been treated poorly by me and, thus I share from that humility that only shame can bring me to.
As to the procedure= it happened within the 10 minutes I was totally knocked out. Anaesthetic applied 8:30 AM; procedure applied 8:35AM; procedure finished 8:45; anaesthetic-to-sleep transition 8:45AM; awakened 9:30; In friend’s car on the way home 10:00 AM. I am instructed to sleep as much as possible for 2 days as It takes that long for the treatment to integrate into the localized part of the nervous system treated: back upper pelvis, right side pelvis- to- hip transition, Right side thigh, rotating to topside from body-fold to under kneecap of the thigh= that is the pain- map which identified where the treatment was applied. I do not understand how the needle-applied treatment works, certainly not the details of the formula injected, but I do understand the anatomy, general nerve-cell theory, so that I feel comfortable. I am grateful for your prayers because they were essentially prayers of well-wishing from those schooled in the wisdom of the realities of God/human relation. Somewhere in every prayer was the God’s will be done clause. I certify, that it has been. It is the wee hours of AM , Nov 7 and I am awake to eat and reflect before returning to sleep. I have to pray first for some “sufficient light” to shine in the darkness of my shame that I can see that the precipitous fall from positive to negative is a good sign so I can recover to serenity while consequences sort themselves. This is part of that learning that now it is God acting in me and on me to transform me which is at play; that it may take a few violent movements of my being to shake the wrinkles out of me that I put there; so now I must be calm and firm in Faith that God is Gracefully at work though shame burns like fire.
When I return it will be as a reply to Pam’s appreciation of ZurichMike’s post about the monk’s prayer and ‘sufficient light’.
God bless your sleep with healing.
God bless your activities with the power of His Truth,
As He chooses to use you, as you choose to allow Him.
May your cleansing be able as gentle as need requires, That you be clean.
That you may walk with clean Joy in the world bearing God’s Power and Glory
For the witnessing of those made ready to see….
Love Humbly given, may all other Powers o’er power…
Spar, go upthread – response to both you and Pam –
Some poorly framed personal theology from something I wrote years ago:
So again a little fire, Lord, another touch of pain, to work a quiet spirit, Lord? or in some virtue gain? …..the fire burns, my Shepherd. The pain brings stinging tears. Sometimes it seems your love’s obliterated by my fears.
And yet, the fire is measured – the pressures through your hand have passed, been judged, and then released, you know what I can stand. And just that much is what comes through, only what will strengthen me and press me close to you.
So again a little fire, Lord, another touch of pain, to work a quiet spirit, Lord? or in some virtue gain? …..the fire burns, my Shepherd. The pain brings stinging tears. Sometimes it seems your love’s obliterated by my fears.
And yet, the fire is measured – the pressures through your hand have passed, been judged, and then released, you know what I can stand. And just that much is what comes through, only what will strengthen me and press me close to you.
Hebrews 12:11 (of course, gotta take the whole chapter! the whole book! along with it…) but that verse speaks of the peace (for a particular group) that follows any disciplining/shaving/corrective experience – “to those who have been trained by it.”
Hard things happen to everybody. Hard things happen to every child of God. But not “everybody” and not “every child of God” ends up with “the peaceable fruit of righteousness” in the aftermath of the hard things – for the simple reason that the training was not accepted. Accepting the heart training is a volitional matter for the spirit to deal with. Never simple business. But His Spirit helps us do that, too.
Ok, I’m out of here – hugz to you guys. Let’s press on….we are a motley crew indeed. But we are His people. We are the sheep of HIS pasture. And HE is our Shepherd. He doesn’t hire others to watch over us. He does it Himself.
“…consequences sort themselves.”
That’s an excellent statement there……
You’r in my prayers Spar.
Thanks T59, things are sorting out and before I eat and go back to sleep I’m going to post the more important part of my ‘report back’ up a little where ZurichMike made a little share which only came clear to me very early this morning and appropriate to a sharp burning agony of spirit I was caught in…See you up there…
My dear friends,
Just think…the few of us who are sharing our struggles here. How many others are out there like us? So, so many. I have had this feeling inside me for several years that the struggles and suffering are increasing in our land. I have no data or proof to back up my thinking, but I can’t shake the thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I am not only having my own “black cloud” experiences, but being a tiny little part of others’. Maybe there is a consciousness connection in the spiritual realm. The Catholic Church has a rich teaching and numerous ideas that relate to our suffering in some strange way possibly helping another. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll know when I leave this earth. Maybe not.
I know as we share here in the small ways that we do, we help each other. Spar, you are right. Sometimes the very thing we need to hear is buried in a post shared by another…maybe even just one sentence can leap out and burn its way straight into our heart, our soul, our spirit. This has happened to me so many times over the last 30 years…I can’t remember a fraction of them. God surely does work in mysterious ways. There are times I do not like His ways of working at all. But, as Peter said, where else can I go? The Truth eternally stands there, even if I don’t understand it at all.
I hope and pray all of you are experiencing some help, some relief.
In the last couple of months, I slowly began to see that I was making a decision…to fight and do whatever I could to help myself with my stubborn, sickly body. I did see the pain doctor. He was one of the most arrogant, rude doctors I have ever met. My appointment with him was awful. Then he sent in one of his nurses, who gave me trigger point injections in the areas right below my shoulders. She was full of compassion and grace. She knew what she was doing and was kind while sticking that needle into all those trigger points. My whole body is full of trigger points. I believe if I can get the help I need dealing with just that part, my pain levels will go down. I’ll go back there to get that treatment. I wish I would never have to see the troll doctor again, and maybe I won’t have to see him very often. They are very close to my house, so it’s just the way I have to do it. Between now and the end of the year, my husband and I have many more medical junk….colonoscopies, more MRIs, dermatology exam for skin cancers, blah blah blah. Oh Lord, I am coming to hate it so much. But it’s what we have to do, while we still have good insurance and my husband can still work.
All I want is to get out of this hellhole of northern VA, move back to Georgia, buy a little house with a garden and live the rest of my life with my husband and some peace. But we can’t leave. We can’t retire yet. Too much debt, savings gone, insurance bills out of sight. Every day I pray and ask God to help us get out of here. And I wait.
With all my messes, there are so many more who have it much worse than I do. I feel for all of us.
Sharon, praying for you and your husband that there will be no really bad outcomes from all the testing. Praying hard for that.
Spar, let us know if the thing they did to you, which sounds very confusing, is helping you. And don’t be so hard on yourself. Your gift of having such a sensitive spirit might cause you to feel worse about things than is good for you. I have struggled with similar issues. Brother, we all mess up, we see our shortcomings and desperately want to be better people. Balance in all things and being able to laugh at ourselves. I have the “melancholy” personality, almost 100%, not balanced with any of the less rigid personality types. It can get me in deep holes very quickly.
Love and God’s peace to all…
Pam, the procedure worked perfectly well and I completely free of the pain which has oppressed my mind for almost 10 months! The prayers I asked for were for Serenity of mind and for my Trust in God… I have been being very busy, Singing hymns while working, cleaning house, hardly even looking at the computer, Studying the Peterson book while working my way slowly through Romans…
I think a lot of the miraculous way God keeps working, working remaking me… and how you and Sharon and texan59 and justfactsplz and ZurichMike and all I read and sang keep playing over and over in my head as I work and spinning and spinning I’m being made new
God Blesses us all
in our need, as we need
Maketh His face to shine upon us
Gives us peace
Now and forever
Such wonderful news. I am so happy for you. Keep singing!
Delighted to hear the good news. Shining a little more light your way . . . .
Tonight I stay a little longer on my knees. There are many who suffer, and many more who are tending to the hearts and bodies of the suffering.
May they each find comfort in the gentle hands of a loving God – and feel the warmth of His embrace around them.
“Bearing one another’s burdens” is one of the most important scriptural commands. And one of the most difficult. And one of the most blessed.
I add my thoughts and prayers to yours …
Our Father, we release these cares and burdens to You’re loving care…Amen.
Some prayers for Sharon’s husband to get through the medical stuff. And some more prayers for Sharon to gather her strength again.
Prayers for Sharon and her husband and for Ad Rem. You are missed. In about five hours from now I have to have an endoscopy to check on the pre cancer growth they found in my stomach last year. Prayers would be appreciated. I wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving.
Dear Friend, You are past your procedure as I write, but you are ever in my thoughts and my prayer is that The Father will be present for you and give you heart’s ease against all fears and ample support for your Trust in Him.
I see Sharon’s book is out, I’m going to try to get it on my Kindle account. She and her husband have mind much in my heart I have been worried for her absence online. I reaffirm to God my prayers for her and her husband’s well being in God’s love.
Thanks for making me aware of Ad Rem’s need; she also is in my daily prayers…and all her puddies!
These are hard times for all of good will. From my, for now, blessed shelter I pray for all less sheltered in the storm, than I= May the Great Shepherd bring all the flock to shelter according to His will and purposes, and strengthen those who must brave the winds for now…in the End all the righteous will be saved; therefore let us study to rest in His righteous care and love…
Thank you dear brother for all of your encouragement. It is half past midnight here and I have my procedure at 5:30 A.M. I probably will just stay up. Thank you again and God Bless.
JFP, hope all went well this morning, prayers are with you.
Let us know. Just found out this morning and have been praying for you.
Pam, I have known you, Sharon, and 2 other friends were in extremis during the last 2 weeks. When I emerged from my chamber of agony and was free of pain, on some heart-level I felt connected to you all and felt strongly that I must seek serenity from the Holy Spirit so that my flame would be steady. My heart has been centered on God, waiting upon the Lord. You are all in my heart, so you are with me in the peace of the Shepherd’s care. I have prayed God to lift me from this life more than once in the past 10 months, and of course I had a complete physical and mental breakdown, summer, 2009, after attempting slow suicide by alcohol, and so I am in no position to judge anyone…not even myself. In the end, I learned, our earth-time is done when God takes us home and I have learned the positive purpose of my suffering, at least as much as I can comprehend; thus I can be reconciled that the fruits of that suffering more than balances out= I know a joy and freedom now I never knew before. For me it was a deep stubborn desire which I can not articulate which kept me separate from God, but I was able to see that and then to ask God to take my whole self and shape it to his purpose and to put my whole trust on knowing it would be done: it is God’s promise. Daily, then, I just relax and do the daily stuff and think about Jesus/Father/Holy Spirit a lot as I do stuff. Sometimes I think I see I’ve done good. Sometime I think I see that I have not done good. I remind myself that I am a poor judge of the matter and, besides, my heart is good and Jesus has seen fit to save me.
In the Peterson translation (The Message) of Romans, Paul spends 11 chapters on intense theology; suddenly at the end of the 11th chapter he pulls back the curtain on the great Revelation=
“In one way or another, God makes sure we sure that we all experience what it means to be outside so that he can personally open the door and welcome us back in.
Have you ever come on anything like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It is WAY over our heads, We’ll never figure it out.
Is there anyone around who can explain God?
Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
That God has to ask his advice?
Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;
Everything ends up in him.
Always glory! Always praise!
Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Then he goes on in the 12th chapter and suggests how we should just live and let God shape us to his purpose. This study has so helped me with just such agonizing questions as you and I have been driven to ask. “…If this was a test, I have failed…” Yes. Yes. Yes. So do we all, dear sister. I hope and fervently pray the door has opened for you. Sunday Sharon shared her joy and sorrow, in extremis, then invited us all to dance with her…and I did, tears flying…
Thank you for dancing, Spar.
It was so good for me, so very good…I thank you (bow) for the dance, milady.
I am almost finished with my first month at my new job. It is a perfect career fit. I had planned on getting a small studio apartment near the job for a weekly commute because it’s far too long to drive daily (2.75 hours one way), and am currently in temporary company housing and was going on home searches. But on my third day of work, the company announced it’s moving to a city 20 minutes from my home! I am thrilled with the news and am looking forward to the move in first quarter of 2014 and commuting from my own home.
My spirits have, of course, improved greatly, and I have been praying with thanks and joy rather than with troubles and frustration. To all of my dear treepers who are in a tough place, I will direct my prayers to you from a place of strength, and hope I can share my blessings with you spiritually from afar now at Thanksgiving and beyond.
Hang in there. Keep praying.
Kind regards from ZurichMike
I like this thought that when we are experiencing a strong awareness of God’s workings in us is a perfect time to turn our thoughts and love to the circle around us who have been sending us support when we were struggling. It allows that Blessed thing called unconditional love to grow, and from that a rare serenity…Sufficient light to sufficient darkness…Blessings, friends…
Thank you, Spar, for remember that sufficient light metaphor. It is apt. Yes, I am filled with light and happiness now and need to direct to others in need.
Well, if you go upthread to where you shared that from your reading, you will see underPam’s response one from me…it was an articulation that in a difficult moment helped me work something through…It often continues to surface because the whole light/darkness thing is right on that edge where language and sense of reality fails and pain, confusion, and lostness seem to swell up and your quote was deeper than the mere words…So it keeps recurring in different contexts….I dunno… maybe it’s just me…
Congrats ZMike. I was unaware you had finally gotten the job situation taken care of. Even better news about the relo. 🙂
Amen! Great News!!! He is Good and Thank You!
I love this great news. I have been praying about your job situation for some time, and I am sorry I missed that good news. Keeps getting better. I just know that 2014 is going to be the best year for you yet. Spare a prayer or two for me and my business plans for the upcoming year please.
Truly I ask the Lord to share my blessings. Thanks for your prayers during my recent unemployment ordeal. Keeping you in my devotions.
My friends, I feel so connected to you when I follow your comments here. Isn’t it strange how that works? So happy for those, like Mike, who have come through tough times and are in a good place now.
For Spar, Sharon, AdRem and JustFacts, I keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And everyone here who I haven’t named, it’s like you are my little secret family residing inside my consciousness, even though I’ve never met you in person.
Right now, I am going through one of the biggest of all the crises and traumas of my life. I will post some more details below, but if you don’t have time to read it all, just please send any strength you can my way and pray especially, please, that God give me insight and assurance. Thank you.
I have experienced 15 years of unrelenting pain. I have discovered that it is true that pain can break a human being. It broke me.
Since 2011, the carotid artery blockage that the doctors misdiagnosed added a tremendous burden to my body and brain. My brain was not getting the blood flow correctly. Everything was going haywire. My chronic pain illnesses were somehow made even worse. My immune system illness was attacking my own body. My poor brain was trying to keep me going, but it couldn’t work properly.
The last 3 years have been, in reality, like being in utter torment and hell. I held onto God as hard as I could and did my best to not give in to fear and despair.
Then this year, I almost died. I knew I was slipping away. I didn’t know about the artery blockage being almost 100%. By the time I found out, it was a miracle that I actually made it through the surgery. The surgeon couldn’t even believe that I could have been walking around and thinking and talking more or less coherently.
Since she didn’t know how bad it was until she opened up the artery, she sent me home and I waited several weeks before going back for surgery. During that time, I experienced what I guess people mean by the “thinning of the veil” between this world and the supernatural world. It was as if I were in two places at once…sort of half here and half somewhere else. The other place was not scary, nor was it an experience of peace and light. It was shadowy, but I felt the presence of others. It did not feel evil at all. The night before my surgery, I was in a motel room in Cleveland. I “saw” in my mind what seemed to be a line of angels (?) or some beings standing in a row completely around my bed. it wasn’t exciting or a spiritual high or anything like that. It just was there.
Since the surgery in September, I have not really had the time I needed to recuperate. It has been nothing but doctors, doctors, and more doctors. I knew I had to try to see that everything was checked out to be sure there wasn’t something else messing with me. I have seen all sorts of specialists and my primary care physician, who has known me for 13 years. I saw a pain specialist, because he was supposed to be an expert on myofascial pain, which is a great part of my fibromyalgia pain issue. He was one of the most awful doctors I have ever met. I discovered with each doctor what I had long suspected — they don’t know what to do with people like me. They can’t prescribe enough medication to really deal with the pain. They don’t understand the illness and what makes the pain show up, although they finally know that it apparently originates in the brain and that the pain is actually real, not imaginary as they used to believe. But they all say the same thing: “There is nothing else we can do.”
For several years, I have felt that I was experiencing something like PTSD, only it wasn’t “Post”. It was ongoing in the present. Pain will strip you of almost everything you are. It changed me, at many levels. I guess it didn’t get all the way down to my spirit, though. I found out this last week that at the innermost core of me, there is only the desire to be with God, not outside His will.
The medical community failed me. It is not allowed to address my needs. It does not know how to help me to the extent that it takes. Last week, I finally just cracked and broke into a million pieces. I had been crying out to God for months now. I had finally reached the point where I told Him that if He wanted me to keep on with this pain, I could not do it anymore. I would rather have Him take me. If this was a test, I failed.
Within 24 hours, I was given relief. If i lived in Colorado, it wouldn’t have been any problem. My husband and I have done lots of research. We did find some answers. For the first time in 15 years, I had a time of no pain at all. But this has not been at all easy for me. My personality is one of black/white, right/wrong and I don’t do well in gray. I am totally afraid of being outside the will of God. I have learned, though, that there is a basic survival instinct in us. I also understand how people who are suffering terribly can want it to end. I guess you have to be there before you can get it without being judgmental.
It’s a good thing to listen to KCM.ORG. Healing school by Gloria Copeland and many such things.
I will be praying for you. I hope that you will now find some ease.
Anyone who is consciously afraid of being outside of the will of God – is probably one of His sheep over whom He watches with great tenderness, standing there with that anointing oil, tenderly removing the burrs that have become infected, running His fingers over the little head, and pouring oil so it runs down the lamb’s face. Caution: don’t try to be your own Holy Spirit. There’s a very good reason that He needs to be the one doing the searching and (when necessary) convicting of our hearts. I have found that He is often far more gentle with me, caught in my flaws and fractures, that my own prideful *self-judginess* tends to be.
Word Press misplaced my reply upthread, Pam. I hope you can find it…
Following on what Sharon warns about trying to be your own Holy Spirit, so, too, should you not try to be your own Super Rationalist. It sounds like you have done all that is human and rationale to stabilize your situation. I think that some things are beyond both what is reasonable and what is desperate. It’s hard (and probably futile) to try to understand all facets of all things in all combinations affecting you from a human, rational, and medical perspective, and trying to have perfect strangers (doctors, or even us treepers) try to make sense of things that may not ever make sense.
All that remains is faith, and I see that you “cracked and broke into a million pieces” — time to rebuild, one faith brick at a time. “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” — Psalm 127:1
Pam I understand your terrible pain. I have suffered with fibromyalgia for fourteen years and it is horrendous at times. I have found that when I think I can bare it no more He helps me to bare it or gives me a reprieve from it for awhile. Having flat lined myself five years ago I am a firm believer that it’s not over until He says it is. Often times God uses our pain to reach out and touch others. There is strength in numbers and sharing as we do here is very healing and uplifting. Prayers for you my sister.
While I have not posted here in a while, I still read articles on the site (and not GZ/TM as I am over that). I hold good thoughts for all here and pray that all of us can weather the storms of life that inevitably blow our way. I have been going through my own storm and it has lasted longer than I thought it would. However, God is good and merciful as storms do come to an end to pave the way for the calm before the next one.
Six months after receiving my Masters and diligently seeking employment. , I have finally been blessed with a new job in my chosen profession which I start at the beginning of 2014. However, I will have to relocate to another part of the country which is kind of scary as other than my tour of duty in the military, I have lived all my life in the South. I ask for prayers as I embark on a new adventure in my life,
Happy Holidays to all and I wish everyone blessings and peace.
I know the scary feel around relocating because I become very attached to earth environments, settled in. Cities are hardest for me to adjust to and I am usually excited to leave them. In any case, now being centered in my life journey as being God’s work with me leaves me free to appreciate the qualities of a new place.
I grew up in Appalachia and was loathe to leave but the adventure which developed soon overpowered my fears with delights. God is a wonderful companion on any journey if you just make sure you are riding with Him…After all He Is all power and there is nothing you need fear. So I will pray that will be very Present for you, lighting your Way.
Just saw this Spar. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Yes, I have fears but I also have God who gives me the courage to face those fears. I am excited to be able to work in a career I worked hard for, and to be able to see another part of the country.
Happy Holidays to you.
Congrats and enjoy your new adventure. I am originally from the US — and look where life has led me! Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving, and truly gave thanks for your good fortune. Let us know when you get settled how things are going!
Thanks for your motivation! I am from the South and now headed to Pennsylvania. Who would have thought. I had a great Thanksgiving and gave and stll giving thanks for this career opportunity among other things. I start the job on 01/13/14, but plan to get there a few days early to have a few days to settle in somewhat. I will update accordingly. I hope you had a great thanksgiving and wishing you joy, peace and abundance throughout the holiday season and beyond.
Angel I know how hard you have worked for this opportunity. You will thrive wherever God plants you as you stay grounded in HIM. I have lived both in the north and in the south. There are good people everywhere I have ever lived. God bless you in the new job.
Great hearing from you JFP 🙂 Yes, I am very excited about this career opportunity and very thankful to have been chosen. As difficult as it will be to leave my home for this adventure to the unknown, I know God has my back. Thank you for your words of encouragement and I pray that you triumph over your health challenges.
God bless you.
Treepers, need your help with these:
1. A gifted brain surgeon, father of my nephew’s girlfriend, is (in a sad twist of cosmic irony) dying of inoperable brain cancer.
2. My cousin’s multiple sclerosis is getting worse.
3. My mother’s housekeeper (mom decided at age 82 that she needs help cleaning that big house!) who comes in twice a month was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the chemo is knocking her for a loop, and she may face a double mastectomy in the near future.
4. A special intention for a Treeper.
On this first Sunday of Advent: O Come, O Come Emmanuel. The earth, in sin and error pining, and with our suffering and despair, needs to be reminded of Your Love.
Thank you for this beautiful offering. I loved the rapport between these guys. The setting reminded me of Paul Winter’s work. Music inside a resonant chamber, like life in God’s intimate Creation, Grace echoing from every resonant, reflecting surface, mirroring the Truth of us to us….Many Blessings, ZM…..
I hold your 4 requests in my heart as I seek the Presence…
Bless you ZM for your caring…
Love the music!
Update on my Mom: She’s doing well after the cancer surgery (lost 1/3 of a lung – one lobe out of the lung with 3 lobes) and has had the staples removed (44!). She continues to be in good spirits as we all wait to hear what the pathologist has said.
Praying for All Clear pathology report…Bless her…
I wanted to update you on my endoscopy. I got the results today. They were not able to get biopsies through all the layers because I had massive amounts of undigested food in my stomach blocking their view. They said this is what is making me so nauseous and causing my stomach to hurt. They gave me two new medicines and will have to repeat the edoscopy Feb. 13th and possibly followed by another endoscopy sonogram to find out if the growth is still pre cancer and find the cause of the extremely slow digestion. I appreciate your continued prayers.
I bet with stomach issues like that, you probably also have lots of tension unto Pain in your neck and upper shoulders, too. I will hold the thought of physical peace and right function, and that you will know the Great Shepherd’s Touch. May God’s Will be clarified in your heart and may you know peace….
God bless you and light your heart.
You are right about the shoulders and neck. I find it comforting to think about this joyous season and God’s gift of his son to us.
I’m going to listen to a Gaither Vocal Band Christmas Collection before bed this morning….
Love blessings to you….
Update on an earlier prayer request. This gifted brain surgeon, father of my nephew’s girlfriend, in a sad twist of cosmic irony, succombed to inoperable brain cancer on Sunday. He leaves behind his wife and 6 children and one grandchild. He is no longer suffering, but the family is understandably devastated. Please say a prayer for all of them.
I can imagine their devastation; I will carry them to Jesus in my thoughts.
How is it going with that #4- “special intention” ? I’ve never framed a prayer like this, but am doing my best.
As good (or bad) as can be expected. Sorry it took so long to respond! Hope you are well.
Has anyone heard from Pam???? I am worried about her; she seemed really close to her limits back on Nov.25, and silence since… Should we be concerned? Please, anyone…
Hi, dear friends. I am still here. Struggling in a horrid way, but here. It is very difficult to characterize what has happened. But I believe the best way to try is to say maybe sort of a PTSD-type breakdown. I picture it this way: our inner mental/emotional/intellectual “self” seen as a sort of structure or container holding us together inside our minds, As if we have a “construct” (noun) of ourselves which allows us to function and try to bring order out of the chaos. Thought process, personality, emotion, belief system, etc etc. I was, from childhood, as the oldest child and the only stable person growing up in a house with a schizophrenic mother and brother, the “strong” one. I was a survivor. AA straightened out the wrong path I chose to put myself on. AA gave me God. God took it from there and worked with what He had in me. He re-formed my inner “structure” and put Himself as its foundation. It worked very well. Then, about 16 years ago, the fibromyalgia and immune system illnesses became part of my experience. I have learned only too well the truth of the total, amazing complexity of the brain and how every part of us is interactive with the brain. I also know in a very personal way that modern medicine has really no clear understanding of how the brain works in totality. They admit it. Psychiatry, Neurology, any branch that has to focus on brain/body/psyche — they know that they DON’T know exactly how it works. I don’t know either. I just sort of have an idea of what happened in me when it didn’t work properly. My poor brain has been trying to “fix” only God knows what in the last 10-15 years. I was given so many pharma drugs to try. I could not take 90% of what they wanted to put me on, because of various bad side effects. Nobody knows what some of this stuff may have done in my brain lobes or neurons or whatever. I struggled along, slowly losing ground as each year passed. Fibro, whatever it actually is, is very, very complex. “It” is not only pain all over the entire body. “It” also, according to the newest research, is at its root a brain thing. As it progresses, it causes many, many other parts of the body to malfunction, including the brain itself, including causing depression and initiating anxiety, malfunction of the autonomic nervous system and who knows what else! And three of the absolute worst external factors which cause fibro to flare and get very bad: stress, poor sleep, climate. For the last 10 years I lived with those three factors operating against me, with overwhelming stress on an almost daily basis. More in next post. I apologize for being so long. Just don’t read if it is annoying, as I know it could be. This is somewhat therapeutic for me and I am being selfish but I want to finish it.
Oh dear God thank you for alerting me enough to put out my prayer:::Where is my friend, Pam??? Something is not right. I know it. I just know it.
It is funny how we humans block ourselves off from our only help, dear friend; I’ve been doing it since a day or two before Christmas; and I don’t have anything like your situation to excuse myself with. Just some perverse inner stubbornness which insists in going down the road feeling bad… Forgiveness of self is very tough for me; Christmas and New year the worst for dredging up self-reproach which takes me down like nothing else. I wallow.
So I was just giving self a talking to , rather hopelessly, when suddenly I was aware that Someone was actually listening, then I started listening to what I was saying which was essentially the paragraph above. As I was waiting for the computer to boot up, determined to go and JUST WRITE, DAMMIT in my blog, I opened The Message Bible, increasingly my life saver source for
God-contact, intending to go to where I left off in Corinthians, but God opened the book to a prayer I needed to be making, a David prayer from his haunted place. Psalm 40. I am going to skim quote what hit me hardest, because I think this was meant for me to share— and I do mean share in the AA sense, it is what God has given me for my help and I feel I MUST share it with you…(knew you were going to be there, Pam. Thank you Sharon, thank you, thank you…)
From Psalm 40–
I waited and waited and waited for God./ At last he looked; finally he listened./ He lifted me out of the ditch,/ pulled me from deep mud./ He stood me up on a solid rock/ to make sure I wouldn’t slip./ He taught me to sing the latest God-song,/ a praise-song to our God./ More and more people are seeing this:/ they enter the mystery,/ abandoning themselves to God./
(We enter the mystery, abandoning our selves to God) (We enter the mystery, abandoning our Selves to God.)
Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God………..
Nothing and no one/ comes close to you!/ I start talking about you, telling what I know,/ and quickly run out of words./ Neither numbers nor words/ account for you./…./ Doing something for you, bringing something to you-/ that’s not you’re after./ Being religious, acting pious-/ that’s not what you are asking for./ You’ve opened my ears/ so I can listen. (so I can listen, so I can listen)/ …./ Now God, don’t hold out on me,/ don’t hold back your passion./ Your love and truth/ are all that keeps me together. / When troubles ganged up on me,/ a mob of sins past counting,/ I was so swamped by guilt/ I couldn’t see my way clear./ More guilt in my heart than hair on my head,/ so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out./………../But all who are hunting for you-/ oh, let them sing and be happy./ Let those who know what you’re all about/ tell the world you are great and not quitting./ And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing:/ make something of me./ YOU can do it; You’ve got what it takes-/ but God, don’t put it off. END Psalms 39 and 41 are similar…
Funny, huh? I’m the one who puts things off that would bring me peace. Pam, you have really been haunting my thoughts. Thanks for writing; you have eased my heart. God is everywhere present. I pray you and your husband can feel His Presence in your present, and rest reassured. All my love…
I feel God is very close to Earth, he’s been giving me nudges, telling me “something” is going to happen this year – don’t know whether it’s personal, regional, or nationwide…. Just know “something” is gonna happen. I’ve been praying for you too Pam. My Mom used to say that “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle” and with His help, I manage to handle a good bit (my Mom’s still doing okay, *I* have a follow up with my cardiologist next week….)
I really dislike the Armageddon obsessed folk; it seems a distraction from what Jesus taught was most important; for me it is clear that keeping God centered in my life is first priority and if I do that all I NEED can come to me. And if things get crazy and I and friends are the focus of a hate-filled mob, I hope I remember to pass on to the mob Jesus’ last wish: Holy Father. Forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing. After all, every one of us is the beneficiary of that prayer, so I Think it is Right to pass it on with loving compassion.
Several people here in CTH have expressed similar intimations of ” something about to happen” and I have been awakening frequently from vivid, prophetic feeling dreams. I have been through this several times in the past 50 or so years of my adult life. Now I just pray harder for knowledge of his will for me, and the power to carry that out……
Agree with all you say and affirm the frequency of vivid and disturbing dreams kicking up a fuss for a lot of folks these days. I find it helpful to remember that the general will of God (that we be at peace, be walking with self control and understanding, under His protection) will never be cancelled out by His specific will. Sometimes it has seemed to me that in times of stress or uncertainty, folks who normally walk calmly through life suddenly become troubled and somewhat distracted because of a fearfulness regarding the potential for missing the specific will of God – and in their anxiety about that – they completely miss His general will.
The two will never be in conflict.
I don’t know how relevant the thought is or if I expressed it appropriately. If it doesn’t fit, not to worry – just set it aside. 😉
I just had a prophetic experience dropping off the chair to the floor, about 3/4 asleep…mumble mumble…I ‘ll come back arter a nap,….
Ten years ago, we had already had to move from the wonderful Southern, predominantly Christian place we lived, where people still mostly were at heart “good”, with moral underpinnings and behaviors. We were back in the heart of evil, 12 miles west of D.C. I was 56 years old, with two 10-year-old adopted children. My son was brain-damaged and we didn’t know it. The medical community had pronounced various diagnoses, escalating from ADD to Bipolar Disorder. They were wrong. He gradually became completely out of control, aided by the anti-psychotic meds they put him on. My daughter also suffered from mental and emotional problems. Both of them got worse as they entered the teenage years. My husband, who had worked 30 years at a very high level for a computer software company, lost his job due to the company selling itself to — you will know who they are now — CGI. We moved here because the old company said we had to, then they sold two years after we got here and we were stuck here. My husband has gone through years of hell with the job thing and we slowly lost our entire savings. Any person who understands that we are spiritually sensitive to our environment, meaning the people and the influences of evil hanging over us when it is concentrated in a place, will get that I was being bombarded with that also. About 6 years ago, I began to tell my husband that this place and all the stuff going on was slowly killing me. I know, it sounds fanciful and sort of crazy. But it isn’t really crazy. Lots and lots of awful stuff happened. Awful stuff happened almost every day for years. Even though I was basically house-bound, God, if you believe that He does these things, used me to try to help others..mostly young people who came and went from my house in a constant stream. I met between 50-100 teenagers over the years. Some have stayed in my life. All I can say is, about 95% of them were so damaged that it would literally break your heart. Many of them are the walking dead. Dead in conscience, soul, any basis of moral understanding or concept of God. Across the board, white, black, Hispanic, poor, from rich families….all of them (almost all). The “darkness” envelops this whole area. It is overwhelming. It doesn’t just hang over you. It aggressively comes after you.
Everything that was going on in me and coming at me from external sources combined in what felt like a super-storm. The last six years of living it broke that “structure or container” I tried to describe. When I walked around for two years with the severe carotid artery blockage that was mis-reported, my brain just couldn’t fix it and everything inside me turned into the hurricane super-storm. I was dying. After the surgery, my brain function improved. The rest did not. My little inside “container” finally shattered into a million pieces one day in November. The only thing left was the foundation – God. The rest of “me” was completely broken.
There is no way to describe it. Words just can’t do it. I can’t take their drugs they would try to give me. I already did that and it didn’t work and some of it probably did damage. They are not allowed to give me what it would take to bring my pain into manageable proportions. Doctor after doctor has looked at me and said, in one way or another, “there is nothing more we can do”. And I have totally learned what this means: “of myself, I am nothing and I can do nothing.”
I have no control over any of this. God is in control. I can see reality clearly enough to understand that this does not necessarily mean that God will “make me better” physically, or that He will put me back together in my psyche. His ways are beyond our comprehension. Many, many people who were much better than I am, much more intimate with God and closer to Him, have suffered in their earthly lives more than I am suffering. I am not brave and strong anymore.
My dearly loved husband, who was a very strong guy, is being affected by all of this and I am seeing it start to bring him down. This rips my heart in two. It is so very painful.
Here is one thing that has happened recently which may be a cause for hope. A few weeks ago, my husband and I made the choice that he retire this year so we can get away from here and go back to the South. How this will be accomplished financially, we do not know. We jumped off the cliff in making the decision, because we cannot by ourselves facilitate it. It will only be God’s doing if we can actually sell our house and have any place to buy, even it if be a trailer (nothing wrong with those). Selling, packing, physically moving — we cannot do it on our own and we do not know how it can be done. The two of us are not capable of doing it all. We really did jump off the cliff.
I don’t know if it’s too late for me personally, if moving will help my body or my broken state. I just don’t know anything. As a contemplative-type person, it has always been very difficult for me to pray in a more formal way. However, within a few days after my “break”, I began saying the rosary every day. Sometimes I go to sleep in the middle of it, but I am doing it. It wasn’t something I thought through or planned….it just started happening. I am absolutely sure God is there. I have no idea what is going to happen to me, other than He is there, even though I feel no peace or presence or any of the good stuff. One thing I am getting ready to try to help myself with is guided imagery CD’s. There are psychology-produced products out there that have been formulated for use for depression, anxiety, ptsd, trauma, etc. I just found a website, through a friend, last night – on the eve of the New Year. I pray they might be a useful tool.
I always think of you guys but have been completely incapable of posting since my crisis experience. Maybe it is a hopeful sign that I can do this today. God bless each of you. With all my heart I pray that He keep you in His hands.
Pam, I’m so glad you posted. I’m sorry that I am just in the motion of leaving the house to head out to a family visit, so will need to revisit later.
The story you tell, and providing the back ground as well, as so valuable. Thank you for using strength to do it today. We ARE the sheep of HIS pasture, Pam. I have been reminded repeatedly recently that no matter what part of HIS pasture we may be grazing in, we are under His eye and under His keeping. Sometimes we graze in pasture that we have feared before, or pasture that is so unfamiliar. It is still His pasture.
We are His people. We are the sheep of His pasture. That is where our security lies. Thank you for sharing this today.It’s important to me that you did, and will be important for others.
Spar put a shout out to you in the chapel the other day – wondering where you were and expressing concern. I’ll go and pop a note to him there in case he doesn’t see this later in the day. We love you, Pam. Please stay in touch as you are able.
Thank you that you are here and that you care. It is precious to me.
So good to hear your voice again.(I actually invent voices that become like a Gravater for me for my special CTH friends) I am thinking that maybe you didn’t notice that between your 2 big posts, several gifts were left for you. Your first of those posts got me so heart full that I did an immediate reply… It was so literally miraculous to me that suddenly you were there; it means so much to know that you are surviving your travail. Yes, yes, yes we are praying hard for you… Remember the magnificent 11th step???? ….Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, PRAYING ONLY FOR KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL FOR US AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT. If you have the energy, click on my name, above and it will take you to My Chapel… where I wrote a little prayer/essay based on the image of God’s rescue from a muddy ditch and placing David on a rock and saw to his safety… because I had just been rescued from that same old muddy ditch… I pray with all my heart that God clarify your vision of the true path through, for you and your husband, for all of us, I pray…Bless you…
Dear Spar, of course I saw your gifts and what Sharon and other kind people had to say. And I thank you all. I will go to your Chapel as soon as I can, today or tomorrow. Geez Louise, it is so cold here and going down to 3 degrees pre-wind chill tonight. I woke up this morning unable to move or think with the pain. After 3 or 4 hours, it gets a little better. My invented voice should have a Southern accent since I’m a Georgia girl. But it’s not a heavy Southern one, just a touch. As far as the 11th step, unfortunately God has cut me off the hot line (right now) of knowledge of His will. I’m in the dark, no-info zone right now. He does this to all of us sometimes. I don’t like it, but I know it happens. All I can say is, I’m not gonna be a happy camper if His will does not include getting me out of this hellhole I live in asap. St Teresa of Avila told Him one time: “Dear Lord, if this is how You treat Your friends, it is no wonder You have so few!” That about sums up my feelings right now! 🙂
Our “knowledge of His will” is often not necessary to being in His will. Especially for those of tender conscience, being anxious about “knowing and being in His will” can be a yipping at our heels when we are vulnerable. I have always appreciated that the Spirit of God never yips and never yells at me. He says, “I know. Come and find rest. The journey is too hard for thee” like He said to Elijah who had exhausted himself running from Jezebel – after the miracle of the fire falling on the sacrifices and burning up the idolatrous priests.
Elijah wore himself out, ran a bunch of miles, got depressed, hadn’t eaten and wasn’t sleeping. His God and Father did not say to him, “Better get your head straight, son, about being in my will.” He said, “The journey is too hard for thee.” (I Kings 19:7) He had him lay down by the brook and sleep. And every so often an angel woke him up to a catered meal, and then he went back to sleep again (18:5, 6). [I Kings 18 and 19 has the whole story and you’re probably quite familiar with it. Noting the location for those who might not be.]
The Lord knows, Pam. The dear Lord knows. His will being done in your life is not dependent on you understanding it today. His grace is sufficient, and large, and perfectly suited to our needs. Rest. (((hugz)))
I wouldn’t mind getting some of that angel and meal stuff going on that Elijah had. That would be really nice. 🙂
Pam? It’s about time for you to check in! Let us know how you are please.
Hi guys, I’m still “here”. My husband drove me down to Alabama a few weeks ago. I am staying with a friend near Birmingham. We thought it would be good for me to get out of northern VA during the worst of the winter. Ha! Since I got here, the snowstorms, ice storms, cold, etc have been almost non-stop. There were days when it was warmer up in VA than here. But at least there is more humidity, and that is a little help. And we have had 3 days when the sun was shining, so that was good. Tomorrow it’s supposed to be sunshine and about 49. Cross my fingers for that!
We are waiting, waiting, waiting…for the metro to start operating to the new station near our home. After the third delay, it was supposed to be running by end of last Dec. I thought they might make that deadline, but no. Now they are totally silent and no news can be found.
We are ready to turn in retirement papers for my husband, but we have to wait until the metro starts running and the houses start selling. So if you have time for a quick prayer for us, pray they open up the metro line. The line is done, the station is built, trains can come to the station. But…regulations and safety checks..blah blah.
Meanwhile, my goal is getting through this seemingly unending winter so that I will be in a little better shape. My “mental breakdown” thingie has begun to pass. I am doing what I can to help myself, prayers, stress reduction, and guided imagery produced by psychiatrists and psychologists who are working on the cutting edge of brain research. It seems to be helping me and I am very thankful I found it.
NOTE TO JUSTFACTS: The brain people have produced cd’s/mp3’s specifically for fibromyalgia. I have discovered that, as strange as it may sound, listening to them can actually lower my pain level. There have been times when my pain decreased 30%. That, to me, is amazing. if you are interested, let me know.
They also have many more targeted issues, such as rheumatoid arthritis, stroke, trauma, stress, etc. I am getting ready to download the one about stroke. I can tell that I have had some damage, so somewhere along the line before or around the time of my surgery, I had some little strokes.
I love all of you and just know that I think of you very often and am always asking God to keep you safe and well. I will stay in touch and hope to get back here more often.
It is SO good to hear from you again, and so close to my home too! So hi neighbor. East Tennessee real estate is pretty cheap, too, especially rural… pretty country around here, but not for a flatlander, if y’are one…God bless you both, and keep you in His loving care…
Pam continued prayers are lifted up to heaven for you. I pray you will feel his comfort and peace through this storm. God must want you out of that unhealthy environment you are in. God is able Pam. I speak from experience. My husband and I are both disabled and in constant pain. We had to move last summer and I did not know how we were going to physically do it, the packing and unpacking, lifting, all of it. We had one adult child to help with the actual moving of furniture. God gave his supernatural strength to us and we did it. Not only did we do it we did it in 100 degree heat inside the house we were packing. We nearly collapsed from the heat many times but God held us up. He will help you too. I know that my body could not have done what it did by itself. There are a lot of abandoned places for sale down here. God will lead you to one. Blessings.
My mother, who is 87 years old, has now fallen into dementia. Today was the definitively bad day. My brother had to get a locksmith to open the door to her house, and found her sitting in the bathroom. She told him that she had been talking to her mother throughout the night, my grandmother who died many years ago, and followed her into the bathroom, where she sat down and could not get back up. I pray that she does not suffer as she gets further away from us and from this world. God bless her.
Please see that your mother is placed into an around-the-clock care facility…preferably one designed to care for patients with dementia. An alternative would be someone who could live with her and care for her on a 24/7 basis . She could have just as easily forgot to turn off something on the stove or left the water in the tub running. My own father dreamt the house was on fire and dragged in the backyard hose flooding the house. He could have just as easily decided to build a campfire in the living room. For some reason, it usually always worsens as the evening approaches… http://www.aplaceformom.com/senior-care-resources/articles/sundowners-syndrome
I’ll be praying that you and your brother find an affordable solution to the situation.
Thanks so much. We now have 24/7 care for her, in house where she feels most comfortable.
This is a terribly sad illness. My mother had this. I pray often to God that He take me some other way. I could not take my mother into my home because I was physically unable to care for her. I had to go to court against my own brother because he would not accept that she had dementia and he had the legal say. She was living alone and it was terrifying. It tore our family to pieces for a while, but God has restored the unity. She finally went into nursing homes and was moved from place to place. One note of caution: I experienced the doctor and the nursing home staff actually letting her hasten her death, giving her no liquids. I was trying to monitor her care from VA and she was in Mississippi. A hospice worker mentioned it to me on the phone and I asked her to review the medical records. It turns out they had not performed a “swallow test”, which they will do when the person becomes too weak. When I caught them, they tested her and she COULD swallow. I raked the doctor over the coals. Due to fear of lawsuit, she got the best of attention until she passed. Be careful of her caregivers.
I am asking for prayers for a very special lady, Shalini. She is in need.
Sharon and Michellec and Pam still praying for you also.
Oh, dear. Prayers for all!
I am a delegate for our complex for the larger homeowners’ association. We’ve been going round and round about an issue and it got ugly — kind of ganging up on me because (silly me!) I suggested that we have an attorney look at a transfer of contract to review the tangled web of ownership in the new new company. One guy provoked me BIG TIME and said after one of my remarks “That’s the first honest thing you’ve ever said.” I told him to F-off (in English) and stormed out of his apartment, slamming the front door, which I damaged, apparently. His wife call and was practically hyperventilating. I told her I was too upset to talk. Later I called and spoke to the husband and said “sorry for the hard words, but I was provoked” – and told them to send me the bill. I also resigned with immediate effect as a delegate — someone else can do it after my 4 years doing thankless work.
But I shouldn’t have acted that way.
Feeling really down.
Who is the patron saint for removing anger?
Most of the saints are remembered for some outstanding virtue or devotion which they practiced, but Jerome is frequently remembered for his bad temper! It is true that he had a very bad temper and could use a vitriolic pen, but his love for God and his Son Jesus Christ was extraordinarily intense; anyone who taught error was an enemy of God and truth, and St. Jerome went after him or her with his mighty and sometimes sarcastic pen.
I will pray that your spirits are raised, and things work out amicably for you all. Life is full of crosses. I am sorry sincerely for this one of yours, but I myself have been trying (without much success) to offer up my daily crosses and bear wrongs patiently, a work of mercy I fail at daily. God bless, friend.
A little late getting abck to yo0u, but thank you for your kind words.
When I 1st got sober I had persistent anger management issues, though I had many veils of denial which made it hard for me to focus on the problem. AA wisdom recognizes the poisonous nature of anger and it’s ability to shatter sobriety. Since sobriety is a life/death issue to an alcoholic, there is much practical sharing in meetings about it. I can testify to the efficacy of the advice I now practice– Pray fervently for those you are angry with, that they might receive all that you would consider helpful to yourself in the situation… for myself I pray for aid in seeing the fear-based root empowering my own anger: and it is always there, hidden under the anger manifestation. One guy said about this, this rule he had set: 1st sweep your side of conflict avenue, then offer to sweep for your partner in anger… not exactly a patron saint, but thousands of sober men and women are alive for taking this course with anger. Anger makes me feel nauseous and anxious, symptoms of adrenalin intake. Adrenalin is a drug the body manufactures which is addictive; many of us in our culture, create drama to feed this addiction…amongst many other subtle strategies. Thank God for God, because I am helpless to fix even the smallest of my faults, but the Great Shepard is ever there to pull me out of the briars I run myself into. I truly hope you find peace on this issue; you know as well as any of us where that comes from; that awareness is ever evident in your comments. Rest in the Lap of the Lord…Spar
Thank you Spar, for your kind post.
I am very worried about Michellec as I haven’t seen her since her last comment at the chapel. Also, I haven’t seen Spar lately. Asking for prayers for them.
Sharon, was good to see you commenting and still praying for you.
Hi, tessa50, I’m fine but have been “on mission” to aid a friend in severe need of help, since feb 18. Moving a household is involved and my friend is crippled in both shoulders and with out local friends or family to help her, so I felt it necessary to take responsibility, and God-willing, she may also find peace in a Father always present to meet need, though she cannot be approached directly on the matter… We just got her computer up and running recently, and I have been trying to get friends like you caught up. It is beginning to be clear I will probably be here another month, to get things where she can manage the rest… not an easy thought since her personality is very wearing… In the midst of everyday I often lose contact with God– and you know how irritability feeds on irritability, so it has been challenging to stick to this task… I could do with prayers, but more strongly does she need God’s support… Closer than hands and feet He is, but she cannot see or feel that… then I start feeling remote from Him… Whew! Love you and thanks for your inquiry. The sweet peace of the Lords be upon you… Spar
I would like to request a prayer for my son Jesse who is autistic, he doesn’t talk and requires 24 hour care. I am his only caregiver and any prayers y’all can shower down on me would be most welcomed. I worry myself daily that something is going to happen to me, I don’t know what he would do or what would happen to him. He is truly a sweety pie and a gift from God, I wouldn’t trade him for all the gold in the world. He just turned 19. He is also still in diapers, so far with the grace of God I have been able to manage changing him without much trouble. He is getting so big and is strong as an ox! So if anyone can fit me in your nightly prayers I sure would appreciate it. Much love….
Prayers for Jesse.
I was diagnosed high functioning autistic at the age of 68. All the males in my family, forward and back, are also HF,A it being genetically passed through the males. Not knowing what being autistic meant, I studied all that was known. Few people know how prevalent Autism really is, since the High Functioning pass un-noticed and the relatively few dysfunctional are thought by most to be the autistic norm…
I know this is of little comfort to you, but I know this which might help: God has a Right place for Jesse, starting with being cared for by a loving mother. I have a special place in my heart for all brothers and sisters who are autistic and will not forget to spend time with Jesse and God when I go there. How things look on the surface is not always the Truth that matters. Accept Jesus’ offered taking of your burdens, that you may rest peacefully. Let your heart do the understanding and let God calm the vexation and worrying of your mind. I know from personal experience, that when I let the Great Shepherd guide me, peace, protection, surcease of fears follow— He will provide all that is needed if you allow it… All my love to you and Jesse, Spar
Prayers for you and your son. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. May God’s love and comfort be ever near you.
Prayers for both you and Jesse dear friend. I have an autistic brother who just turned 61 last week. He’s 6’1″, and a sweeter soul you’ll never meet.
My forever and grateful thanks for the kind words and prayers, y’all brought me to tears. Now I don’t feel so all alone, God bless all of you.
You are never alone…..there’s a whole Treehouse full of kindred peeps ready to love on you and Jesse.
A whisper in heaven re-echoes around
The songs of the angels resound
Their music of light chases darkness away
Their voices uplifted to say
You will never be alone (you’ll never be alone)
You will never be alone
Though their music is lost in the noise of the storm
And the whispers are drowned in the flood
Their message of hope is not fading away
The echoes will never decay
I would like to request prayer for my husband. About three weeks ago he got bit by a dog on his fingers and wrists. He is very stubborn and refused to go to the doctor. He is diabetic. One bite on his finger got infected and I took him to the doctor and he finished the ten days of antibiotics they gave him. Yesterday he would not get out of bed and was running a high fever. He couldn’t sit up or get in the car so I could take him to the hospital. I called an ambulance and he refused to be transported. So they loaded him up in his truck and I took him to the hospital. He was in the emergency room eight hours getting I.V. antibiotics and some sodium because his level was low. He was acting crazy and trying to get out of the bed. They decided to send him home and before we could get him dressed he started throwing up and his fever shot up to over 103 so they admitted him. This was at eight last night. At three this morning they had to move him to ICU. They said he went into A Fib with his heart. His sodium levels are continuing to drop dangerously low, his blood pressure is dropping, the infection is worse, they discovered he also has sleep apnea, and he is still acting crazy. He knows us but that’s it. He is talking to people not even there. This is all a lot to take in so please pray for him. Also pray for me to hold up because my back and sciatica is killing me with all of the walking and sitting in hard chairs. When I first saw him in ICU he looked at me and told me he was dying.
First, make sure that dog is captured and checked for rabies, and your husband checked for lockjaw… sometime the simplest things are missed.
I will hold you and your husband in my heart in prayer. Don’t forget to pray for yourself with love. Dear friend, Know peace in your spirit. God is present to your need. All mu love…
Both of you are in my prayers!
Thank you Spar and Mary for your prayers. Quick update. My husband nearly died three times today. He has now been put into a medically induced coma and is on a respirator. His white cell count has dropped to a 1. He has six specialist doctors. The infectious disease doctor doesn’t think the infection that is ravaging his body is from the dog bite on the finger as it is clearing up. He asked if he had been bitten by a tick recently. He was bitten just last week as we live in the woods. The doctor said not lyme disease but he suspects other tick diseases. The are running every test they can think of to pinpoint the cause of the infection. Your continued prayers are appreciated. I wrote on Sharon’s thread about God sending birds my way. Today he sent the tiniest finch up close and personal to me at the hospital. I know he is with me and I am trying to hold it together for my husbands three children and myself. I love you all.
Praying for God’s hands to be around you both, your family, and all the medical personnel. And that God will send you more signs of His love and presence.
Prayers of love and strength LJP for you and your dear Husband during this time of need.
Hang in there.
Thank you etdar. I am trying to be strong but I did break down and cry today just before they put him on the respirator. He went from working in the yard on Monday to being critical by yesterday. He is only 61 years old.
I will pray for him.
“His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me”.
When I break down and cry, I find it is often a release of my last reserve preventing the flow of God’s relieving Love. Just one of the lessons pain has taught me. So tight I can clinch myself in fear that once started I will be unable to stop and despair will take me– So many of us are running rapids these days on our life course– then it passes, and clinging to the raft of our Savior, we have survived and are stronger. God bless you and keep you, you and yours.
Goldfinches, black-capped, over-winter here but now are flocking in profusion through the underbrush and white profusion of the pear trees and the magnificence of the redbuds and the dogwoods and plums are in trembling anticipation of their time of glory. Hope is in the air and God is in control of Creation…
Indeed, hang in there, dear jfp—-
He is strong and hanging in there. They nearly lost him last night. They still have not pinpointed the infection and he is still on the ventilator. Relatives are coming in from all over. He is on a lot of church prayer lists. Thank you for all of your support.
Please know the CTH love is all around your DH & you and praying
for you both.
I wanted you to know that I prayed hard for your husband- and for you- last night. I will do the same tonight. If you have time, please give us updates on how he’s doing. I can’t imagine the emotional stress you are under, but God knows.
Thank you. it has been an emotional roller coaster. I am running on a few hours of sleep at night and am starting to get in a mental fog. I have got to get some sleep so I can keep going.
Try to close your eyes…even if it’s only for a few minutes JFP. And when you do, think of all your Treeper friends who are so loving and praying for you and your DH as each minute passes.
What Puddy said, jfp. Having something so serious come upon him (and you) so suddenly is really traumatic. Praying for you both.
Your entire family is in our prayers.
Prayers for all of you, JFP.
Thank you for your continued prayers. A nurse told us yesterday to be prepared for ups and downs. He said we would take two steps forward and one step back. Today was a step forward. I am grateful for that. Gary’s white cell count rose from a one to a seven. His platelets are still low. His sodium is dropping again but his kidney function is somewhat better. He still is running a fever. They are still searching to find answers. The spinal tap revealed nothing. Tomorrow we hope to have some cultures back. He is still on the ventilator but they did ease up on the sedation to see if he could breathe on his own. He could but it was labored and oxygen levels were too low so they put him back in the induced coma. Before that he opened his eyes and squeezed my finger. Much prayers is going up for him and even at bedside. Tomorrow my sister arrives from Illinois. The tick idea didn’t pan out and now they are asking me if he had been into any chemicals. I pray for answers.
Prayers from us to you
May God give you strength for every hour, jfp. And know that many are standing with you.
I’m still praying jtf, I’ve prayed throughout the day. Tomorrow, I will ask my Sunday School class to be in prayer for my friends husband, Gary.
Are they sure it wasn’t the tick bite? I don’t really understand the chemicals query. Ive never heard of chemicals causing this. Has he traveled at all? Been in an airport or around ppl who were had come from an airport? I ask because ppl traveling from other countries can bring viruses that are not easily detected.
I’m sorry for all the questions and you don’t have to reply. Just know I’m praying very hard for you both. Rest now.
You and your husband are in my prayers jfp
You and your husband are in my prayers JTF.
The sudden onset, the evidence of toxicity, all that you have described points to an outside agent, not the sudden onset of a heretofore hidden systemic problem. There is hope in that. I commend the physicians for concentrating first on stabilizing symptoms and holding his body at rest to give his immune system and other defenses a chance to kick in. The body has powerful resources inherently to fight off such attacks. Finding the cause may follow after recovery has begun or even not at all– but it sounds like the team attending your husband realize that wisdom… Thanks for your update…it sharpens to focus of my prayers. May God’s strength bouy up the spirits of you and family. Lean hard on Him, dear sister…
My dear Treepers, I am on a journey fixing to come to a fork in the road and I know not which way I will be led. I only know there are one set of footprints in the sand right now. I was told today by two of the seven doctors that Gary probably won’t make it. He has gone into complete renal failure. They want to do dialysis tomorrow but can’t do it if he is still running a fever because they have to do a minor surgery to put the catheter in his artery for the dialysis. They will do a blood transfusion at the same time. Right now he is running a 102 temperature. They are back to believing it is from a tick bite as he was responding to those type antibiotics. His white cell count and platelets came up but both his kidneys and his liver have taken a major hit. There is a possibility that his kidneys could recover and I cling to that hope. I so appreciate all of your prayers and support. No matter what Jesus is in control and He holds us in his loving arms. The hospital has a lot of pictures of Jesus as the good shepherd. They have a lot of scriptures on the wall and I find comfort in them.
Cling to that hope! Cling to your faith and hold on to Him with everything you’ve got! I am going to my knees right now to pray for Gary! I will pray for His mighty hand to heal. I will pray for God’s intervention. For the doctors caring for him. For you and for Gary. God be with you.
I knelt in fervent prayer jfp. Know this, there is no fork in the road, only Gods path that you as a believer are on. Take comfort in knowing that He is in control. I will keep praying for Gary.
In His Grip,
Thank you so much Little Laughter. One of the kidney doctors prays and encourages me too.
I’ve opened a brand new Prayer Requests – Part 4…because this thread has 876 comments and is taking forever to reload. Here’s a link to the new thread….or you can just “clink” on the candle.
Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:
You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )
Connecting to %s
Notify me of new comments via email.
Notify me of new posts via email.
RSS - Posts
Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Join 83,185 other followers
Treehouse Poet Laureate