It’s not quite as silly as you might think. See, some anti-gun group is boycotting them today, because they decided that whatever state law is in a given state, they will not impose further restrictions than on their customers. Which is to say: If the state allows open carry, so does Starbucks, and they won’t prohibit a person from wearing said firearm on their premises. Seems sensical, but those freedom-hating, uncivilized brutes who are scared by their own shadows are all in a tizzy. That’s why the PA Gun Blog decided to annouce a Buy-cott for the same days as the boycott. Thus, Starbucks Appreciation Day.

See, what the provicial-minded neaderthals trying to boycott didn’t realize is that Starbucks–my former employer– does in fact have a history of violence in its stores, with lessons learned and passed on. On the night of Sunday, July 6th, 1997, three employees of the Georgetown, DC Starbucks were murdered in a  case was sadly never fully resolved. The bodies were discovered early the next morning by the opening shift supervisor, and within hours, Howard Shultz (CEO) had broken his vacation to fly to DC to spend time with the other employees of the store. I remember, when I worked for the company, senior staff who had attended the funerals of each employee telling how the CEO had cried at each service, clearly and visibly upset at what had happened.

DC had, and still has, some of the strictest gun controls in the nation– and at that time, Schultz learned that all the gun control in the world wouldn’t keep his employees safe. While Starbucks may overall market itself to the over-grown hippy crowd, it’s not so much of a “lefty” company as a company pursuing enlightened self-interest.

In honor of my former employer, I would like to present readers with some things about Starbucks that they may not have known, specifically in regards to complains I constantly see blog-commenters make.

1) Complaint: Starbucks coffee is terrible. Tastes burned! Well, a couple of things. First of all, did you know that most Starbucks, most of the day, brew two or even three different brews? When you order coffee, the default is the Bold selection. However, most are not only brewing a decaf, but (at least when I worked there), a Mild brew as well. If the bold is too strong, ask if they have a Mild roast brewed.

Second– Starbucks employees are supposed to dump a pot of coffee and re-brew after one hour. That’s why those timers are on the front. Sometimes, the store is busy and understaffed, and the coffee gets a little past prime. If your coffee is stale or burnt from the heaters, ask the barista how old the coffee is. They should be able to tell you and, if the cause is that the coffee is too old, they are supposed to brew a new pot, and replace what you ordered for free. In fact (and I confess I’m not sure if this is still done, though I know it was SoP when I was there), they will in addition offer you a coupon for a free drink the next time you come in.

If dissatisfied in anyway with what you have been served, it is the barista’s job to fix the situation in anyway possible. The goal is to have you leaving with a smile. Because the person who smiles as they leave is the person who comes back.

2) Complaint 2: Starbucks coffee is too expensive. I can get the same for much cheaper at 7-11! When working at Starbucks, you would not believe the number of times customers said this to me, which always had me wondering,  Well then, why are you here and not at 7-11?

Yes, Starbucks coffee is more expensive than 7-11. That’s for a reason. See, if a part time worker averages over 40 hours per pay period, they are eligible for the Starbucks Health Insurance. (In fact, this is why I went to work for them once my treatment was finished). As you might imagine, this costs money, and that money has to come from somewhere. In addition, Starbucks has committed to paying their farmers and other people in the supply chain at least the minimum wage for their country, if not higher. In addition, in the past, Starbucks has invested in medical clinics, hospitals, clean water, and schools for the villages in which the coffee farmers live, as well as lines of credit and loans for farmers to smooth out the financing before and after harvest. This costs money, and it has to come from somewhere. Starbucks invests in these efforts because healthy farmers with stable finances and hope for the future of their children are less likely to get involved with business-destroying ventures like revolutions, thus keeping the supply lines open, and helping to ensure ongoing quality of product into the future.

So, every time you pay more for that cup of coffee at Starbucks, it’s because you’re paying for more. You’re paying for the healthcare for the part time workers, for the medical clinics and clean water projects and schools for the villages. Certainly, if you don’t wish to contribute to those efforts, no one is forcing you. Go ahead and get your coffee from 7-11. That’s the nice thing about a free market– you can choose who gets your hard earned money.

3) Complaint: I can’t believe that I am expected to tip people for doing the same thing that any employee of McDonald’s does! They get a wage, why should they be tipped?!

First of all, tipping is not expected. When I go, I sometimes tip, I sometimes don’t. If I don’t have spare change, no tip. If I’m using my debit card, no tip. If I forget, no tip. I never feel bad, and I never recieve a dirty look or anything of that nature. If, however, I have spare change and I know I’ve been a troublesome customer and they’ve assisted with grace and cheer– then I tip.

 See, the thing is, the job of the barista isn’t just to take your order, your money, and give you a drink. The job of the barista is to do all that while smiling and doing their best to make you smile. If you don’t know what you want, the barista is to ask you your preferences, and make suggestions. As a barista, I had to know the flavor of every roast and drink we had. I had to be able to teach customers about the origin of every bean, it’s flavor profile, suggested pairings of food, the difference between grinds and styles of brewing. I also had to know every tea, every espresso drink, every option for every dietary need. I had to be able to take a customer’s nebulous cravings and translate it into a drink that would make them sigh and say “That’s exactly what I needed!”

I also needed to know the preferences of every regular customer– the goal being having their drink made and ready by the time they got to the cashier to order it.( Of course, I am a terrible person to my local Starbucks, as I am always wanting something different!) There were many customers who’s names I didn’t know (though we did try to learn that too), but I did know them by their order. “Hey, here comes triple venti skim vanilla soy latte!”

Finally, making a cappucino that even the little old Italian ladies approve of is no mean feat. I was one of their favored baristas, since I apparently was one of the few who got it right every time.

See, that’s what tipping is for. When a barista handles your difficulty with grace and cheer, never for the smallest moment making you feel unwelcome or small. Do you know how hard it is to be cheerful and warm at 5:30am on a freezing winter morning? Do you know how hard it is to be warm and cheerful when it seems like every customer is out to get you, cannot be satisfied, and absolutely has to make a scene in front of everyone? Do you know how many people crave drama, and come to Starbucks simply to satisfy that craving? More than once I had customers try their best to reduce me to tears, and a few times they succeeded. But I never dealt back what they gave me, much though I wanted to. I smiled at them, even as their words cut me, because that was part of my job. And I did it so well that my manager finally told the worst of them to never enter the store premises again, that their money was not welcome in our store. (This is a very, very rare thing for a Starbucks to do. But the DC area is full of horrid people-shaped creatures.) But do you know how hard being graceful, warm and cheerful through all that is?

Of course you know, because you’ve dealt with it, too. Tipping is, if you wish, a way to counter-act the shoddiness of some of our fellow humans.

4) Contrary to some rumors, we obey the Laws of Thermodynamics. And the FDA.

Let me explain. One night, when I was the shift supervisor on duty, a customer came in while I was running inventory in the back room, and ordered a tall latte with an extra tall cup filled with foam, extra stiff and extra hot. Never mind the troublesome nature of making enough foam to fill a tall-size cup. My barista, a smart, hard-working girl, went to work making exactly what was ordered. Of course, if you know anything about the way heat works, you’d realize that it was physically impossible for my barista to fulfill this order exactly as given.

See, “Stiff foam” is foam with many small bubbles, their relative size giving the foam a firm, “stiff” texture. One makes “Stiff foam” by steaming up a great lot of foam, and then letting it settle and cool a bit, then scooping it off the top of the milk and adding it to the cup. If one takes this foam, and adds heat (to make it “extra hot”)– all the little atoms in the air bubbles get excited, and the bubbles grow in size. The foam is hotter, but consequently, looser, less “stiff”. Heat and the quality of “stiffness” can not exist in the same foam at the same time, as the conditions for each are exactly opposite.

So of course the woman couldn’t be satisfied. She started to give my barista some sort of hell, whichis what pulled me out of the job I’d been doing, and I took over. This woman claimed she could accomplish this easily with her espresso machine at home– prompting a final shot from my barista as I gently pushed her into the back room of “Then why are you wasting your money here?” The barista had a point, but instead, I turned to her and said,

“Ma’am, what you do in the privacy of your own home is your own business. But in this here establishment, we obey the laws of physics. . .” Yeah, I actually said it. As I said, she was a person seeking drama. She replied that she’d send a complaint to corporate, which I encouraged her to do. (If fact, if you ever have a problem or suggestion, sending a note to corporate is the best way to get it addressed, as you will be listened to before a barista will be. Also, if a barista does something really well, send that along, too. The feedback will come down the chain, and that’s worth more than tips in he jar). In the end, I’d filled out an incident report to counter whatever came from corporate, and all was well. Just remember, there is no breaking the laws of physics with a Starbucks.

Also, there is a legal limit on how hot starbucks can warm milk. And, even before that limit, there is a range of 10-20 degrees that once milk is heated to that level, we can only use it for the person specifying that heat, and then we must dump the rest. If you order your beverage extra hot, any milk not used in your drink is supposed to be thrown out. If that “extra hot” is not “hot enough” for your burn-scarred mouth, we cannot, by law, make it any hotter. Stop trying and stop complaining. Maybe if you hadn’t scalded off all the nerves in your mouth to begin with, you’d still be able to enjoy a drink or two.

Anyone have questions? Some of my info is likely out of date, but I can answer based on what they used to do, at the very least.